


we love, we leave

by daybr3aks



Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Actor!Jinyoung, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Constipation, Fluff and Angst, M/M, TONS OF FLASHBACKS WARNING, and uh their present age is like 27-28 but there'll be a ton of flashbacks from high school so, idk what else to put, producer!daehwi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-25
Updated: 2017-12-30
Packaged: 2019-01-23 00:29:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 60,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12494336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daybr3aks/pseuds/daybr3aks
Summary: That's just how it is. People come, people go. People love, people hurt. While the rest of the world is moving and everything is constantly changing, Jinyoung and Daehwi feel like they're on a standstill.Or where Bae Jinyoung is a renowned Hallyu star, Lee Daehwi is a producer who is about to lose his job, and a story paused seven years ago is about to play again.





	1. one

**Author's Note:**

> This was an old work under a different pairing, but I had abandoned it for months now. So if everything is vaguely familiar, it's probably because of that. Hopefully I'll be able to continue where I left off in my old work, and improve this more with Jinhwi. So, enjoy!

There are people born with a silver spoon, and there are others born with a rusty pail.

It wasn’t the time to be thinking about this, not when they have a test on Statistics coming up and Jinyoung has only opened his gigantic textbook this morning, but he couldn’t stop thinking about that one phrase—probably the _only_ phrase—he remembers hearing from his Economics teacher during one of the rarest times he wasn’t asleep in his class. He’s only heard of it once, but it stuck to him like sidewalk gum on a shoe’s sole.

It’s not like it wasn’t true. It stuck to him because it was. There are those born privileged, people born rich, and there are those who struggle through all kinds of man-made disasters just to bring food to their table. If you’re rich, you don’t have to worry about anything since you get to have all the good stuff—five-star restaurant quality food, branded clothes, quality education, just name it. But if you’re poor, you get scraps and debts, or if you’re lucky enough at least, you can afford a little feast of chicken and Korean barbecue once in a while, and a scholarship too if you’re either smart or athletic.

Jinyoung ponders on this as he eyes the student population inside their school cafeteria. There are those with Gucci, those with Armani and Balenciaga, completely free of guilt and worry as they carry their trays with steak and that expensive iced tea the mean lunch lady sells. (Jinyoung strongly believes it’s just capitalism and it’s only regular iced tea.) He stares down on his own lunch—his mom’s blood sausages and homemade kimchi.

“Did the kimchi do you wrong or something? Why are you looking at it as if it killed your pet rabbit?” Jihoon, his bestfriend for God knows how long, asks, mouth full of food that his voice sounds muffled.

Guanlin hits him playfully in the arm. “Don’t say that. I like Tosun, he’s really nice,” he scolds as he reaches for Jinyoung’s kimchi and takes a mouthful. “It’s not too salty, though? What’s wrong?”

Jinyoung turns to his friends, who were sporting the same branded goods as the rest of the people here. He could throw a huge feast with the money spent on Guanlin’s shoes, and Jihoon’s watch was enough to pay for his college funds. _I’m a rotten old pail, hanging out with silver spoons._

But Guanlin and Jihoon, even with their higher status in life, never once made Jinyoung feel like he was any different from them. They’ve been together since they were eight, and they always made him feel welcome. Jinyoung shakes his head.

“It’s nothing, probably just exam jitters.” It was true though, the test was starting to make him nervous. “And Jihoon, don’t you even dare put Tosun and killed in the same sentence. I know he bit you once, but you can’t blame the guy. You kept teasing him, so you pretty much deserved it.” 

Jihoon tries to defend himself, but Jinyoung zones out his words when he sees someone approaching. He stabs his chopsticks a little too harshly on a blood sausage. “Ah, _fuck_.”

“You murdered a perfectly good sausage! What is wrong with you?” Jihoon gasps. Guanlin shakes his arm and points at where Jinyoung was staring at. “Oh. _Ooooh_.”

Lee Daehwi enters the cafeteria, with that same regal aura he always had around him. He doesn’t need to wear branded clothes or have shiny jewelry around his neck for you to be able to tell that he was of the highest caliber. Just by looking at him, you’ll know that Lee Daehwi was a shot in the sky, something beyond reach. That leaves a weird taste in Jinyoung’s mouth, and he knows it’s not the kimchi.

“Is he still bossing you around back at home?” Jihoon asks, shamelessly pointing at Daehwi’s direction. Daehwi doesn’t seem to notice, probably used to having everybody’s eyes on him. If you were born a multimillionaire heir living in the most enormous mansion in Busan, plus being one of the smartest kids in the batch _and_ the most sought out bachelor, you tend to be quite a headturner.

“Technically, it’s not my home, it’s _his_ , and yeah, the brat still does. Last night, he called me at around midnight just to help him look for the goddamn TV remote. Spoiled little—” Jinyoung huffs, before picking up his glass. “Turns out it was just under the sofa. He even made me hurry over, threatening me with garden work for a week if I wouldn’t come! I was in a panic so I didn’t change out of my donut printed pajamas and there was still drool all over my face! I can’t believe, how is _he_ a valedictorian candidate again?”

Guanlin and Jihoon throw a fit of laughter, and Jinyoung is tempted to spill his orange juice on their faces.

“He is a valedictorian candidate for _that_ very reason. Man, that kid’s something,” Jihoon laughs as he grabs a handful of fries. “I hope he took pictures. I’d love to have a copy.” Jinyoung gives him the stink eye, and steps on his right foot. Jihoon’s laugh turns to cries of pain.

“Your dad’s graduating this year, right? Law school?” Guanlin asks, after Jihoon and Jinyoung finished their little _harmless_ banter. (Jinyoung spurted hot sauce near Jihoon’s eyes, and Jihoon smashed his chicken burger near Jinyoung’s nose. Both went to the bathroom after, and came back with Jihoon having a red mark under his right eye and Jinyoung in a sneezing fit.)

“Yeah, _finally_ ,” Jinyoung beams. “He really worked hard, juggling both law school _and_ being Old Man Lee’s little sidekick. Imagine dealing with those two terrors at the same time.”

“Your parents are gonna quit their jobs at the mansion too, right? Once your dad passes the bar?” Jihoon adds.

Jinyoung nods, not really sure if he feels happy about it or the exact opposite. He grew up in that mansion. All of his childhood memories were in that mansion. But then again, if he and his family leaves, he can say goodbye to the tiring housework, that evil guard dog who seems to hate him for some reason, the grumpy old head of the house and his fellow grumpy wife, and Daehwi.

Jinyoung turns to look at him, but he is no longer in his seat, food left unfinished, or more like never been touched. His bag was still there, and his Statistics book lies open on the table.

“I’m gonna go to the bathroom,” Jinyoung says as he stands up and walks towards the exit of the cafeteria. Jihoon and Guanlin exchange questioning looks.

“The bathroom’s the other way?”

“Didn’t he already go to the bathroom?”

 

Jinyoung likes to think he’s smart.

He was able to attend such a prestigious school because of an academic scholarship. He never had a grade below B. (He only got the B because he was out partying the night before, at a club with a fake ID, and took the test with a massive hangover.) 

But following Daehwi’s trail was a stupid move on his part. He blames the unwanted loyalty he had developed from serving the Lee’s for the entirety of his eighteen years of existence.

Nothing much happened, really. Just Jinyoung interrupting local bullies, Joo Haknyeon and Kim Sunwoo cornering Daehwi and asking— _extorting_ —for money since the two fucked up and got their cards confiscated so they got zero cash for arcade expenses, and Haknyeon shoving Jinyoung away whilst calling him a snooping asshat whose poor ass shouldn’t meddle with rich people’s business. Now, the three of them were inside the stuffy faculty office with poor airconditioning, faces numb and bruised black and blue.

“Yes, Mrs. Joo, you don’t need to worry about anything at all. I’m sure they weren’t just thinking straight, probably the senior year jitters getting to them,” his homeroom teacher, Mr. Ahn, says in his most sickeningly sweet voice. 

Jinyoung rolls his eyes, and kicks the small, plastic trash bin in front of him. Mr. Ahn glares at him, left ear still glued to the telephone, but he just scrunches his nose and makes a face. “Ah, yes—yes Mrs. Joo, I—oh, no problem, it’s my duty as their adviser—ah, yes, of course. You’re still pushing through the new airconditioner for the faculty lounge right—ah yes, thank you Mrs. Joo, have a nice day,” he drops the phone with a relieved sigh, and probably a ‘yes’ to the heavens for that new airconditioner.

“Gold-digging social climber,” Jinyoung whispers.

“Joo Haknyeon, Kim Sunwoo,” their teacher calls out, and the two stand up with bowed heads. Mr. Ahn clicks his tongue, and shakes his head. “I’ll let you two off the hook with a warning. This is your last warning, you hear me? Thank your lucky stars both of your mothers are part of the board, otherwise I’ll be seeing you in detention, if not the juvy. Now, turn around.”

“Yes, Mr. Ahn,” both answer in chorus as they turn to face the hallway, a bunch of students passing by and whispering something along the lines of ‘ _those troublemakers at it again_ ’ and _‘if they keep this up, they can kiss their graduation caps goodbye_ ’. Mr. Ahn smiles smugly at his new found authority. (Most days, his students make fun of him because of the bald spot forming on his head and his favorite scarlet-mustard striped sweater that Jinyoung called hotdog dressing out loud once during Calculus.)

“Ah, and you, Bae Jinyoung,” Mr. Ahn says with a single clap of his hands, his best fake smile plastered perfectly on his face. “My favorite A+ student. Oh my, my, what on earth are you doing here?”

Jinyoung looks at him straight in the eye, and shrugs. “I don’t know, sir, _you_ tell me.”

“Hm, let me see,” his teacher says as he stands up with his favorite ‘lecture stick’ on hand. Jinnyoung shudders a little at the sight. Mr. Ahn then grabs a bagpack, that Jinyoung assumes was Haknyeon’s, and drops the contents onto the floor. A notebook drops, and a pen, and then came a box of cigarettes. Jinyoung draws his lips into a straight line. “Starting a fight _on_ school grounds, bringing illegal items inside campus, _almost_ setting the school shed on fire while trespassing when school was already closed. Tell me, Jinyoung, do you not care about your future at all?”

“Ah, that’s kinda rude, don’t you think?” Jinyoung lets out a small laugh. “So you’re telling me I did all those stupid stuff, but I can’t seem to remember _any_ of it?” He shakes his head, finding this entire situation completely ridiculous. “Listen, Mr. Ahn, okay, I admit to lighting a stick before but that was outside campus. If you wanna know what _really_ happened with the fight, _these_ idiots here started it. All I did was defend the dude these bums were picking on, and the next thing I knew I ended up here with you accusing me like I’m a criminal.”

Mr. Ahn clicks his tongue and roams his eyes around the office to check if anyone else was there, before turning back to Jinyoung. “So, to summarize your excuse, you were just passing by the hallway, and you saw Joo Haknyeon and Kim Sunwoo here picking on Lee Daehwi. You tried to help, but these two punched you in the gut so you had to punch them back, is that it? And you got nothing to do with the rest of the story?”

Jinyoung nods. “Pretty much, yeah. Although, you can’t call it an excuse since it’s the truth.”

His teacher bursts out laughing, way too much that tears start to rim his eyes. He wipes them off. “What do your parents do for a living, Jinyoung? I’m _dying_ to know.” With that said, the smile on Jinyoung’s face falters. “Tell me, are they business tycoons? Entrepreneurs? Is your father a doctor, or is your mother a lawyer, perhaps? Are they, Bae Jinyoung?”

Jinyoung clenches his fists. “No, sir,” he answers through gritted teeth. “My dad’s a private driver, and my mom’s a househelp.”

“Oh yeah, that’s right,” Mr. Ahn nods, tapping his stick on his wooden desk. “A _chauffeur_ and a _maid_. How much do they earn in a month? Do you think your parents’ wages can _afford_ to get you out of this situation, hm?” He said those words as if they were too bile for his tongue, and Jinyoung had to stop himself from throwing his fist square on the man’s jaw.

He keeps his head lowered when he answers, “No, sir. They can’t.”

“Palms out then, Jinyoung.” Jinyoung flinches, but stretches his arms out regardless, his palms up. “I think ten hits should be enough, to make sure you don’t cause trouble again.” He answers with a nod, wanting to get it over with quickly.

Mr. Ahn lifts his stick up in the air, and slashes it against Jinyoung’s palms, hard enough to leave huge red blots on his skin, with the tenth strike cutting his skin and making it bleed a little. Jinyoung doesn’t make a sound. He bites his lower lip to muffle his screams, knowing that showing any form of pain wouldn’t do him any good.

“Lee Daehwi told me everything, saying all you did was help out and it wasn’t you who caused the fight, nor were you a part of the trespassing last night,” Mr. Ahn says as he puts down his stick. “So, I’m letting you off this time with 36 hours of community service, and I’m not putting this in your permanent record, Jinyoung. No worries,” he assures with a smile, but it doesn’t ease what Jinyoung is feeling. “We don’t want one of our valedictorian candidates graduating with a bad record, with you wanting to be a lawyer and all. That’ll be one less remarkable alumni from our school. Now, off you go, you three. Sixth period is starting.”

Jinyoung walks out of the office in a daze. Haknyeon and Sunwoo look apologetic enough, saying sorry over and over but he pays them no attention. _We don’t want one of our valedictorian candidates_ graduating with a bad record. A bad record was the least of his worries, not when his dignity had just been casted aside, _stepped over_ even, like a crack on the pavement people see but discard its existence nonetheless.

He should be used to this by now. _Justice? Fair treatment? No to the discrimination of the lower castes?_ Those only exist in the fake promises paid commercials of government officials broadcast on television during election season. This is reality, there is no such thing as fair treatment of the well-off and the barely living. Here, the rich gets to do whatever they want without looking back, as long as they have someone poor to suffer the consequences of their actions for them, someone to point their accusing fingers at who couldn’t afford to speak up for themselves. _Here_ , the rich is innocent and the poor is guilty. A silver spoon is to be trusted, more than a rusty pail. Jinyoung was a rusty pail.

He looks at his hands, the result of meddling with the affairs of those above, red blotches and cuts all over. The blood, however, has dried up, so that’s one worry scratched off the list. He ponders on how to explain this to his parents without them worrying and storming off to the school administration with a string of compaints. Complaining would only kindle the fire, he learned this long ago.

“Jinyoung?”

He immediately slides his hands inside the pocket of his jeans, before turning around to see who called. He clicks his tongue when he sees Lee Daehwi approaching him with a handful of papers. Of all people, it had to be _him_. He wasn’t in the mood to attend to another silver spoon’s problems.

“I wanted to come inside the office, but Mr. Ahn told me I wasn’t allowed. I explained to him what happened though, so I hope he didn’t put you in much trouble,” Daehwi says, his face etched with worry. Jinyoung keeps his hands inside his jeans’pockets, and avoids his questioning eyes. If there’s something Jinyoung has picked up from years of knowing Lee Daehwi and basically watching him grow up, it’s that he can tell when one is lying or not. Daehwi was a curious beaver, and Jinyoung wasn’t exactly fond of that.

“Yeah, he mentioned. He just told me off, it was nothing, really. Come on, Econ is starting,” Jinyoung tries to sound casual as he walks past him, but Daehwi grabs him by the arm and yanks his hand out of his pocket. He stares pointedly at Jinyoung’s cuts. 

“What are these then? These don’t look like _nothing_ , Jinyoung,” he tries to say calmly, but Jinyoung knows he was angry. He takes his arm off his hold. “What happened in there? Did Mr. Ahn hit you?”

“It’s nothing. Let’s go.”

“Stop saying it’s nothing when both of us know it’s not. Did he hit you, Jinyoung?”

“No, he—“

“For God’s sake, Bae Jinyoung, stop lying and tell me the truth! Tell me, did he do this to you? _Who_ gave him the right to do this to you? I told him it wasn’t your fault! It was my fault for meddling with the two. If only I didn’t see them—ah! Let’s go back and tell that ass—“

“ _Goddamnit_ , will you shut up?” Jinyoung shouts breathlessly, and Daehwi is taken aback. “It’s nothing. It’s fine. It has _nothing_ to do with you, okay? It was my fault for meddling in the first place. Stop being up in my ass all the time and mind your own _goddamn_ business, alright?”

Jinyoung doesn’t know why he dislikes Lee Daehwi. Was it because of their status? Was he upset that Daehwi was a silver spoon, living the life of a multimillionaire heir, while he ended up a rusty pail with nothing to inherit but a pile of debt? Or was it because he paid so much attention to Jinyoung ever since then? He doesn’t know why, how and when it started, but the feeling was just there, for so long it had been a natural reflex for him to hate everything Daehwi does.

Yet, he doesn’t know either why he feels like beating himself up when he sees Daehwi’s shoulders drop. He tries to step forward, pat him in the back, and say sorry but a thought stops him from doing so: _you can look but you can’t touch._

A rule that doesn’t need to be told, the demarcation line that separated them, and Jinyoung wonders if it was because of this his heart had closed itself for Daehwi. The thought makes him feel sick.

“Oh, well, I’m sorry, then. I may have stepped over the line this time,” Daehwi says, without as much as taking one glance at him. He hands the binded paper he was holding to Jinyoung. ”Here’s the handouts for English that you missed. We’re having a quiz on Friday.” He fishes for a bandaid inside his pants’ pockets, and leans over to place it at the cut by the side of Jinyoung’s lips. He turns his eyes back to the cuts on his hands.

“Make sure to go to the clinic first before going to class.”

“Yeah, whatever,” Jinyoung mutters, barely audible, too awkward to look back at him since shouting at Daehwi didn’t exactly make him feel any better. If not, it just made him feel even worse.

“You know,” Daehwi starts, the ringing of the sixth period bell in the background. “You’re gonna miss it, the whole nagging you and always up your ass thing, when I’m gone.”

Jinyoung snorts. “Yeah, right. Why? Are you going somewhere?” He turns to look at Daehwi for an answer, but the latter seems to be in a daze. “Yo, rich kid?”

“No,” Daehwi takes a deep breath, before looking up at Jinyoung with a sad smile. “But aren’t you? You’re leaving the mansion, right?”

Jinyoung doesn’t answer, and Daehwi looks at him like he already knows he wouldn’t. He takes another deep breath before continuing, ”Well, I’m going to my favorite class now, so if you’ll excuse me,” he says as he walks down the hall, opposite their sixth period Economics class.

“Where are you going? Econ’s that way.”

Daehwi pulls up the hood of his jacket over his head, and turns his head to look at him with a smirk. “Who says I’m going to Econ?”

“Are you ditching class?” Jinyoung scoffs. His grandparents spend a lot of money for his education, and he’s out here skipping. _Unbelievable_.

Daehwi shrugs. “Yeah, it’ll be fun. Ditch with me?”

“Don’t be ridiculous.”

“Suit yourself. I might disappear, and this might be the last time you’ll ever see me,” Daehwi jokes before walking away.

At that time, Jinyoung didn’t think much of it. Daehwi’s crazy, his head would reason out. But looking back years after that, maybe he should have.

 

Jinyoung doesn’t show up for sixth period that day, nor does he become a lawyer. Daehwi doesn’t disappear after that; he disappears three years later. Jinyoung learns later on that there are spoons which look silver that rust too, and there are rusty pails which only look rusty because they need a little polishing.

 

 

***

 

“So you’ve never had a bad record before and after that?” the interviewer asks, the tip of his pen grazing the notepad he was jotting down on. “When was this incident again? Senior year in high school?”

High school was a passing blur for him. Everything just moved with a quicker pace, and passed by him like a bullet train. One moment he’s eighteen, reviewing for college entrance exams, and the next he’s twenty-eight, laughing back at those faded memories over afternoon tea.

Bae Jinyoung, renowned veteran actor, sips on his cup, before answering, “Yeah. I still remember the date as if it were yesterday. The twenty-ninth of November, 2007, around fifth period.” He sets his cup down. “I can’t believe you’ve forgotten about that. I am very disappointed, Haknyeon. That was the only time I let you get away with ruining this pretty thing right here,” he pouts, with a finger pointing at his face.

Joo Haknyeon, one of Korea’s top journalists, throws his head back, laughing. “You do know that wasn’t the only time I was called inside the faculty office, right? I go there like five days a week. I was a walking disaster.” Jinyoung stifles a laugh, remembering their highschool days that didn’t have the PA call Haknyeon’s name every morning after homeroom (there weren’t any).

“Man, I can’t believe ten years has passed since then,” Haknyeon says dreamily, the interview completely forgotten. “Who would have thought that Joo Haknyeon, the delinquent who barely passed highschool, would be sitting here interviewing class valedictorian now top star, Bae Jinyoung, whilst drinking tea? My highschool self would have laughed his ass off.”

Jinyoung looks out the window of his penthouse. He bought it for this very reason, the view was spectacular. He had the entirety of Seoul surrounding him— skyscrapers, city halls, shopping malls, casinos, remnants of the changes that have happened for the past ten years. A reminder that time and everyone, everything else is constantly moving, and Jinyoung is left asking himself, did he move, too?

“A lot of things has happened that none of us would have ever imagined,” Jinyoung adds, swaying his own cup of tea slowly. “I mean, would you have ever imagined living in an awesome place such as this? Mr. Ahn used to pick on you for being poor, I wonder how he took it in when you suddenly went into stardom and bag a multimillionaire title.”

Ten years ago, all of these would have just been a figment of Jinyoung’s daydreams, probably when he dozes off during Economics or when Mr. Ahn starts his habitual morning rants and his mind just zones out all of his words. The penthouse, the Lambourghini, the private resort—everything he has now used to be a shot in the sky, something he could only dream of but never reach, and now, he has all of these things with just one swipe of a card. Ten years is a long time, but there are a few moments, moments such as these when he is left with his thoughts, that he would stop for awhile and take all of these in as reality and no longer a poor boy’s hopeful wish. It still feels surreal for him.

“He immediately called me right after my first drama. I was just a supporting role then,” Jinyoung looks back. It was a day from seven years ago. The first episode of the very first drama he took part on had just been aired; it was an evening melodrama. He was eating ramyun by his living room, when Mr. Ahn had suddenly called him, asking if he still remembers him. It had been three years since he had last seen his homeroom teacher, and he hasn’t changed a single bit. _Gold-digging social climber._ “The lead was Jo In Sung, and he wanted me to get an autograph for him. _For my favorite teacher_ , he says.”

Haknyeon snorts, then bursts out laughing again. “He’s unbelievable. I can’t believe he had the nerve, after all the trouble he put you through. You could barely write after what he did to your hands!”

Jinyoung shrugs. “I still did get the autograph for him, though. He told me to let bygones be bygones, and maybe even after all the harsh words he spat on me, deep within, I thought I owed him one. I don’t think I would have tried my hardest to change my status in life if he didn’t give me that push, though the push was really harsh.”

“Mhm, maybe that old fart really did do one thing right in his pathetic life,” Haknyeon laughs. “And what about that guy you went all superhero on from us that day? Lee Daehwi? Where’s he now? I don’t think I’ve seen him, since what, graduation?”

Jinyoung stares at his reflection in the cup. “Uh, I’m not too sure where he is now either. We don’t really contact each other, so I don’t know.”

“I always thought you two dated back in highschool, or something like that. You seemed close.”

“My parents used to work at their place, so we’ve talked a couple of times,” Jinyoung explains, in a chipped tone. “But we never really hung out, so we weren’t _that_ close. Never spoke to him again since college.” His eyes doesn’t leave the cup, his tired reflection looking back at him. Haknyeon nods. 

“Jinyoung?” someone calls out after a knock on the door, and in came Jihoon, with a big basket of chocolates and a handful of colorful handwritten letters. Sunwoo trails behind him. “Kim Sunwoo’s here to pick up Haknyeon.”

“Sunwoo! I’ll be right over,” Haknyeon chimes, before turning back to Jinyoung. “It has been a pleasure catching up with you, but I best be going now. I’ll mail you a copy of the magazine once it’s printed out, sound good?” he asks with a thumbs up.

Jinyoung nods with a smile. “It’s great to see you again too, Haknyeon. Be careful on your way out.” 

Haknyeon and Sunwoo wave the two goodbye as they exit the room. Once they were out of sight, Jinyoung groans and throws himself onto the nearest couch.

“I still can’t believe a teen magazine chose to interview you, a role model, apparently, for high school students. You were a mess in highschool,” Jihoon says, his tone indicating he finds the entire thing completely hilarious. He can’t blame him, Jinyoung also thinks of it as a joke. 

Jihoon walks towards him and lifts the teacup Jinyoung had been drinking on. “And I can’t believe you even went to the extent as to drink tea and look _civilized_. You don’t even like tea.”

“That’s why it’s _iced_ tea. Now, shut it, okay? I’m tired. Haknyeon is such a chatterbox, I haven’t talked to anyone this long since God knows how long,” Jinyoung counters, his voice muffled by the pillow he had pressed his face against with. He leans to the side, and stares at the tiled floor of his penthouse. “Schedule?”

Jihoon clears his throat before scrolling through his tablet. “They’ll air that episode where you guested on SNL tonight, at nine. Also, Minhyun hyung has sent you the script for that new movie you’re filming in your business email, please check that one as soon as possible. Lastly, we need to discuss with Hyungseob’s crew about the documentary filming schedules tonight, at seven. Your movie shooting and documentary shooting schedules shouldn’t have conflicts and—“

“That’s it? After that I got nothing else to do?” Jinyoung cuts him off, and flips himself up on the couch, so now he’s lying on his back. Jihoon nods. The actor yawns before adding, “Great. Cancel the movie shooting. Tell Minhyun hyung I reject the offer, say I’m not feeling dramatic death scenes these days,” he closes his eyes and readies himself to sleep.

“Whoa now, _what_?” Jihoon shakes his head, face in disbelief. “You can’t cancel on this one, Jinyoung. This will be your biggest break yet! The director is one of the most famous ones in the industry. He has won a ton of awards—“

“And I have too. Do you wanna see my trophy case again?” Jinyoung interferes, completely uninterested. He gets up from his position in the couch and heads towards his room. Jihoon trails behind him with a series of nags.

“You’ll be paired up with Kim Yoojung! This will definitely be a huge hit, please think about it carefully. Think about what you will be losing if you decline this offer. Bet your ass, Ji Soo or Nam Joohyuk is gonna pounce on this offer if they hear you gave it up, and you’ll regret later on for the rest of your life—“

“I’m pretty sure I won’t,” Jinyoung says casually as he enters his walk-in closet. He opens one drawer after another, picking out shoes, clothes and coats from various branded names. He continues to raid his closet racks left and right. “Also, I already told you last week, didn’t I? That I’m no longer gonna accept roles in which I die. I don’t wanna be remembered as the actor who always _dies_. That’s not the life I want.”

“But you’re so good at it! No one can fake die better than you could!” Jihoon reasons, holding on to the small hope he has left. Jinyoung waves him off, not even bothering to look at him, and he sighs with that hope gone. “We’re still gonna do the documentary talk with Hyungseob, right?”

“Oh that,” Jinyoung says as he pulls out a black hoodie Jihoon has seen him in more than a million times. “Tell him I’m cancelling.” He takes off his cashmere sweater and puts on the hoodie over a plain white shirt, along with his signature black cap and sunglasses.

Jihoon’s lips twitch. “You mean tonight’s appointment? You’re only cancelling tonight’s meetup and just move it tomorrow, right?”

Jinyoung pulls out a pair of red Converse lows from the bottom rack, and crouches down on the floor to put them on. “Nope, I mean the whole documentary thing. Tell them I ain’t doing it. I’m sure Hyungseob would understand.”

“But Euiwoong and Justin definitely won’t! Jesus, Jinyoung, come on!”

“I’m thinking of taking a break from the limelight for a little while, you know? Get my head sorted out,” Jinyoung continues as he stands up, dusting imaginary lint off his leather jeans. “I’m sure you and the rest could use a vacation too.”

“You are insane. Think this through, why don’t you?”

Jinyoung shrugs. “I did think this through. Which is why,” he pauses to pick up his bagpack, who looked like it carried nothing but air. “I’m going out now. Bye!” He heads towards the exit of his room, but Jihoon blocks the way. Jinyoung sighs.

“Please reconsider, okay? I’ll let this go this time, but I’ll ask you again when you get home,” Jihoon clears out. Jinyoung mumbles something along the lines of ‘ _then I’m not gonna come back home’_ but Jihoon chooses to ignore it. “Where are you going anyway? You really need to _stop_ wearing that hoodie whenever you go out. It’ll give you away someday soon.”

“It won’t, the hoodie’s fine. Also, I have a date with Guanlin.”

Jihoon hits him in the arm. “Stop lying. We have a dinner reservation at eight. Told me he’d be working ‘til seven tonight.”

“Oh, yes, of course, I never should have lied to the _boyfriend_. You know basically everything about him,” Jinyoung jokes. Jihoon’s face turns crimson, earning the actor another smack in the arm, and another two after that. “Alright, alright, just stop hitting me! I’m going to the hospital.”

Jihoon lets go of his arm. “Didn’t you go last week? Is your migraine back?”

Jinyoung shakes his head. “It’s not me. Joohyun noona called, asking me to pick her up. I’ll just come fetch her and take her back home. I was thinking of paying the folks a visit too. It has been awhile.”

Jihoon’s lips turn into a straight line. He doesn’t say anything, and just moves aside. Jinyoung pats him in the shoulder, and walks out of the room.

Ten years. So much has happened for the past ten years. Old huts had turned to mansions. Small business carts had turned to skyscrapers. People came, and people left. Everything moves so fast that Jinyoung’s not even sure if he could still keep up with the ever-changing world, and maybe he has found his answer to his question long ago, without him realizing. Or more like, without him accepting it was the answer.

 _Did he move?_ No, he hasn’t. He’s still stuck to the past, to the people of the past. Everyboody is moving, but he’s just standing still.

“We’re here,” his sister says with her usual cold tone, snapping Jinyoung out of his thoughts. She unbuckles her seatbelt, and opens the car’s door. “Uh, thanks for driving me—what are you doing?” She stops short when she sees Jinyoung unbuckle his own seatbelt. He picks up the gift basket at the backseat, and comes out of his prized Lambo. He lifts his head up to read the store’s sign. _Bae Tteokbokki House_. He smiles, but it falls a little short, and a little sad. He was home, but it doesn’t feel like home anymore.

“Jinyoung, what the hell? Go back,” Joohyun hisses as they both head towards the front door. She stops his hand from reaching the knob. “I know I owe you one for paying the medical fees today, but please, don’t. She doesn’t want to see you, okay?”

Jinyoung nods. “I know, but I want to see her.” He opens the door to the shop, greeted with the loud chatters of the customers eating in and the summer playlist booming in the background. He adjusts his cap and glasses so they don’t fall off. Jihoon would flip and tear his limbs apart if word got around that he was found hanging around the district. He’ll never be able to go out ever again. 

“I thought I’d give this one to mom and dad. Did mom go grocery shopping today?” Jinyoung asks, lifting the basket for his sister to see. Joohyun doesn’t answer. She clicks her tongue and storms inside the kitchen. Jinyoung sighs, and takes a seat by the counter.

 _“What do you mean he’s here? Why did you let him in?”_ Jinyoung hears a shout coming from where his sister had just went into. After a string of profanities and probably several frying pans thrown all over, Jinyoung’s mom comes out of the kitchen, her eyebrows furrowed and her forehead creased as she heads over to where Jinyoung was sitting.

“Mom,” Jinyoung tries to call but it comes out more like a whisper.

His mom, now a little older and a little more tired than when he had last seen her, was still as beautiful as ever. Her hair now had gray streaks and her face was now a bit wrinkly on the side, but Jinyoung thinks she’s still the prettiest woman he has ever seen.

She slaps him hard on the cheek.

“Get out. Now,” she demands. Her customers turning their heads to the sudden spectacle happening before them. It wasn’t usual to see their favorite spicy ricecake shop owner blow a fuse like that. The scene was way more exhilarating to watch than the lame basketball match on the sports channel. 

Jinyoung bites his lower lip, trying to pull himself together before turning his head back to his mother. “It’s been awhile, Mom. Hi, how are you doing?” Another slap, and Joohyun tries to hold her mother down, but she shakes her daughter’s hold off of her.

“Ah, you still pack quite a slap there,” Jinyoung grins. “Listen, Mom, I’m hungry. Can I have some of your tteokbokki? And your special homemade kimchi too. I miss those. The kimchi Jihoon makes is nowhere near your level—“

“I’m not your mother!” She shouts. She picks up the gift basket Jinyoung had brought along with him and shoves it harshly on his arms. “You are not my son. This household has only one child, a daughter. I have no son.” With that, she head back inside the kitchen, leaving everyone’s eyes directed at Jinyoung. Joohyun pats him in the shoulder before running after their mother.

Jinyoung lets out a frustrated shout and pushes a bunch of stools down, earning a mouthful of curses from the customers, before heading out the door. The windchimes swing before he could even reach it, and there stood Jinyoung’s father in front of him, who, like his mother, had disowned him long ago.

“Dad,” Jinyoung bows down his head, but his father walks past him with that same stance and form Jinyoung had always been afraid of ever since he was a child.

A lot would call Jinyoung fearless. Even as a kid, he was daring. He would take on anything head on without a plan, and without doubts and hesitation. But like any normal son of a household, he was afraid of his father. Of what he would think of if he would do this and if he would do that. Jinyoung’s world used to turn around his father’s opinion of him, and when he told Jinyoung he was no longer his son seven years ago, it left a wound deep inside him that will probably never close.

“Stop coming back here. You don’t have a family to come back to anymore.”

 

Jinyoung makes his way back inside his car. He stays still for a minute, a Chris Brown song filling in the silence. His phone vibrates, but he chooses to ignore it. It could just be Jihoon, or Guanlin who was ordered by Jihoon.

He runs his palms across his face. _Did he pick the wrong choices? Did he make the wrong decisions?_

The radio then starts a beat of an old tune Jinyoung was way too familiar with, and he thinks then, that all of this, the wrong choices, the wrong decisions—they all happen for a reason.

Jinyoung starts the engine, and drives off.

 

***

 

The air has gotten a lot colder and the sky has gotten a little darker since they had left, only the car’s headlights and the city below looking like a clump of fireflies giving them light. Jinyoung takes out a stick from his pocket, and lights it with one swift flicker of his lighter. 

“I didn’t know you smoke,” Daehwi says from behind him.

“There’s a lot you don’t know about me.” He doesn’t turn around. Jinyoung blows out a puff of smoke, but before he could put the cigarette back in his mouth, Daehwi swats his hand, sending the stick rolling in the dewy grass. Jinyoung clicks his tongue, and turns towards him. “You know what, you’re really starting to get on my nerves.”

“I don’t like the smell of cigarettes. My mother died because of lung cancer.” Daehwi climbs up the hood of his car and lies down. He looks up to the sky, the stars sprawled above their heads, like a painting from Van Gogh. “But you’re right, there are a lot of things that I don’t know about you, and I want to know all of those.”

Jinyoung looks at his hands, his cuts now covered up with bandaids printed with cartoon cats and bananas. “Why?”

“I’m curious. About everything that made you _you_ ,” Daehwi turns to the side to meet his eyes.

Jinyoung doesn’t say anything. He looks at him pointedly, before joining him in the hood of Daehwi’s car. They lie there side by side in silence for a while, the only sounds that could be heard were the rustling of the tree’s branches and _Chasing Cars_ playing in the car’s radio.

“Don’t waste your time on me, Hwi. I’m not worth it,” Jinyoung turns his head towards him, and Daehwi does the same. He feels his left hand brush subtly against his right, and that’s enough to send a current down his spine.

“Who are you to say I’m wasting my time on you?” Daehwi’s voice comes out a little hoarse and a little softer than Jinyoung has ever heard before. “Who are you to say you’re not worth it?”

“Who are you to say that I am?” Jinyoung shoots back. “Look, you and I? We’re different, okay? A whole new world level of different. It’s never gonna work out.”

Daehwi leans closer, leaving a distance just enough for them to breathe. “Why do you hate me so much, Jinyoung?”

Jinyoung has never looked at Daehwi as close as this before. This is the first time he sees the mole by his lower lip, as well as the crook of his nose. He notes how his eyes are warm brown, like the coffee his mother would brew on Sunday mornings. 

“I don’t hate you, Daehwi.”

The warm brown then seems to haze. “I can feel it. This…this wall you seem to be building between us, ever since then. Why is that Jinyoung? I feel like I can’t even be friends with you. I want to be friends with you. It doesn’t have to be more than that, I just want to be able to call you my friend.” 

The song stops and the radio loses signal, only the sound of static hang in the air.

Jinyoung gets up, and moves down the hood. He opens the passenger seat of the car, and takes his school bag. He doesn’t look at Daehwi in the eye, not because he didn’t want to, but because he couldn’t. What he said was true, Jinyoung was building a wall between the two of them, ever since. He was always aloof with him, stacking one brick after another until it became a wall so tall and steep to climb over. Because Jinyoung’s eyes were open to the truth, to the gravity of reality. 

There was a reason why Daehwi had all these tailored clothes and all he had were hand-me-downs. There was a reason why Daehwi always gets the coolest stuff around the market with just one say, and all he ever gets are broken promises from his parents or stuff that had most likely been owed. Daehwi was a world away, someone beyond reach. He was like the sky, something you could only look at but couldn’t touch.

And maybe, just maybe, Jinyoung wanted to touch the sky too.

“We can’t ever be friends, Daehwi,” Jinyoung drops harshly, his tone too calloused even he couldn’t recognize his own. He turns his back on him, and walks away. “I’m going home ahead. You shouldn’t stay out too late, if you don’t want to make your grandfather worried.”

“Okay then,” Daehwi says, his tone barely audible. “But just so you know, you are worth it. You wouldn’t be the one I’ll be missing forever if you weren’t.”

Jinyoung doesn’t look back. He doesn’t want to look back. He doesn’t want to be wrapped around his finger.

 

But deep down, somewhere within the fixed hatred his eighteen-year old conscience would whisper, he knew that he already was.

 

***

 

And maybe he still is, now that he’s twenty-eight, a lot older and a lot wiser. Maybe he still is wrapped around his finger just like before, to that one person who had left his life seven years ago. He was still holding on to him even when he had already cut the strings, so long ago.

A red light, and Jinyoung stops his car, left with his thoughts again. He opens his window, and takes out a stick from his dashboard. He lights it with one swift flicker of his lighter, before putting it in his mouth, and blowing out a puff of smoke out into the usual evening traffic.

And somewhere along the loud smashing of horns from the cars behind and the pop music blasting from the radio of the pickup truck full of teenagers beside him, he hears it.

“I didn’t know you smoke.”

It wasn’t a maybe. Jinyoung was, and still is wrapped around Lee Daehwi’s finger. He knows that for sure, now that Lee Daehwi was a mere meter away from where he was, ten years later from when he last heard him say that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was mostly inspired from when I binge-watched Uncontrollably Fond. Hopefully I'll be able to consistently update this since I do like the plotline. Please do leave feedback in the comments since that inspires me to continue writing. Thank you!


	2. two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a glimpse of chamhwi's dynamics here :)

It was a do or die situation.

If he would just sit here and wait, and perhaps pray to some local deity for a miracle or the Avengers to rescue him maybe, he’d die right there and then. Death wasn’t on his to-do list today, and Daehwi wasn’t exactly keen on unplanned ideas and out-of-the-blue situations.

However, he had a reputation for being a sharp thinker, so he did the most rational thing a person could think of when the guy you saw harmlessly eating cup ramyun inside 7/11 turned out to be a crook and now had his sweaty arm wrapped around your neck while pointing a Glock 17 at the side of your head at eight-thirty in the evening.

He bit him.

“You little _fucker_ ,” his assailant hisses as he pushes Daehwi to the side. The rest of his gang come hurdling in after hearing the uproar, along with a man in an expensive suit. “He bit my arm, boss! Who the fuck bites off people’s arms?”

Daehwi rolls his eyes. “It’s not like your arm’s gonna fall off. Besides, if you look at the bigger picture here, _I_ had the shorter end of the straw. Your arm is _hairy_!” He scrunches his nose and spits at their direction. He makes a mental note to scrub his tongue a hundred times before going to bed tonight.

The hairy-armed assailant points a gun at him. (Daehwi vaguely remembers one of his lesser-evil looking lackeys call him Jimmy, but calling him that doesn’t exactly match the situation he was in at the moment.) “Do not test me, mango munchkin.”

This isn’t what Daehwi had initially pictured his Sunday night to turn out. He could have been watching the evening news on the couch (he’d watch a different show but he couldn’t afford cable) as Seonho worked on his Math homework beside him, Chinese takeout boxes and empty soda cans scattered on the floor.

But instead, he was inside this funny-smelling barnhouse surrounded by armed men with poor dental hygiene (among them is hairy Jimmy) and their mafia boss with enough bling to pass off as thos rapper wannabes in Show Me The Money, got called a munchkin flavor he has never heard of and his life under threat all because he had accidentally stepped on a twig while trying to get undercover footage.

Their leader makes his way towards Daehwi, with a stance so regal and tyrannical Daehwi had to rethink his life choices. He was going to die _for real._

“Now, now, Jim,” he says with a calm voice, but the tinge of authority still coated every syllable. “I think we can settle this without too much blood on the floor. Untie him.” His lackeys immediately tend to his command; Jimmy himself unties the ropes on Daehwi’s arms and legs. Free at last, Daehwi kicks his assailant straight on the face.

“ _You fucki_ —“

“What do you want from me?” Daehwi hisses, his gaze locked on the leader. “If it’s money you’re after, I’m sorry but you got the wrong dude. You won’t squeeze out anything from me so if you would just—“

“It’s not money that we want, Producer Lee,” he smiles and Daehwi is reminded of a Cheshire cat. “I think you would have known by now what we’re after.” One of his subordinates then steps forward with his video camera, and Daehwi is quick to snatch it from him. He turns it on and finds the memory card wiped clean. He clicks his tongue. _Rotten asshole_.

“Jo Junhyung,” Daehwi affirms and crosses his arms. “Head of CS Industries. After illegal waste dumping, you plan on committing murder now? You sure are daring.”

The man puts on his best fake smile. “Of course not. My deepest apologies for my men. They can be a little…rough. Our security here is tight.”

Daehwi shakes his head, his blood boiling. “You even went to the extent of deleting all the footage I struggled so much to get.”

“Oh, you recorded something?” The man gives him a boisterous laugh. His lackeys join him automatically like one of those prerecorded laughing clips sound directors just insert on variety shows to _discreetly_ emphasize that the scene is funny. “Safety purposes, producer. I hope I didn’t erase anything important in there.”

What Daehwi had picked up from years of being in the media industry is to always put your best foot forward and never let your opponent see your weakness, even in the midst of being in the losing end. He puts on his best sickeningly sweet face.

“It’s alright,” Daehwi shrugs. “I have more than enough material to expose your wrongdoings. I just came by one more time in case I needed extra footage.”

Jo Junhyung blinks, completely taken aback. “W-What?”

“The third, the tenth, the seventeenth, and the twenty-fourth,” Daehwi says as he removes the tape and places the camera back in his bag. He adjusts the sling on his shoulder and turns back to him. “You illegally dump waste every week for the past two months.”

The businessman clicks his tongue and gives him a discerning look. “Are you accusing me of such crime, Producer Lee?”

Daehwi returns it smugly. “I have enough footage to prove you guilty.” He turns to his wrist to look at the time. “Well, it’s getting late. If you’re not going to kill me, then I best be on my way. I hope you like prison food, Mister Jo,” he bows at him dramatically. Before he could move past the door, two of his buffest henchmen block the exit with rifles on arm.

“What is it that you want? Go ahead, and tell me,” Jo Junhyung commanded.

Daehwi turns around and looks at the man scornfully. “Justice. The ultimate amount of justice this _fucked_ -up world needs. A whole new world where disgusting criminals like you rot in jail for the remainder of your sad, pathetic life, but of course, _you_ of all people can’t give me that.”

“Well, you’re a feisty one, aren’t you?” Jo Junhyung chuckles at his statement, as he gestures Jimmy (who now had a broken nose) to come forward with the silver briefcase he was holding. He opens it and takes out an envelope, with a whole wad of cash. “But listen, producer, if you forgive us just this once, we swear to never do it again. What do you say?”

Daehwi gives him a breathy, mocking laugh. “ _Wow_. You really think of me so lowly, huh? Do you _honestly_ think your goddamn money is gonna sway me? You’ll rot in jail,” he points his finger at him and then at the rest of his accomplices, one by one. “Every single one of you.”

“Producer—“

“This is why this country never progresses. Look at you people,” Daehwi shakes his head. “You think money is everything, that your _fucking_ money can solve all of this world’s problems.” 

He steps forward and pushes on Cho Seungwoo’s chest with a point of his finger. Anger was now rushing through his head, his voice has risen a pitch. “Well, guess what? Life is not that simple. Do you really think I’d cover the truth for you just for some measly amount of cash? Well, you have another thing coming, you _fucking asshole_!”

 

 

“You’re the asshole,” Kahi, his head director, spits out as she throws the binder of reports at Daehwi. His head remains lowered. “Pack your stuff. You’re dismissed from service.”

Daehwi’s head immediately shoots up. “No, Director, _please_. One last chance, I beg of you. I need to support my brother, please!”

“Support him with the money you got from _working hard_ at CS Industries,” she lets go of every word with so much venom, Daehwi felt a shiver run down his spine. “I’ve given you enough chances already. You’ve reached your limit, Lee. You’re no producer; you’re just a swindler.” She storms off, the sound of her heels against the tiled floor echo against the walls of the hallway.

Daehwi bites the inside of his cheek. _She was right._

This wasn’t the first time he had bowed down to a bribe, but he and his brother were in a fix. He wasn’t earning enough from his job at the news station, and Seonho is already juggling three part-time jobs while going through his last year in high school at the same time. The big companies he had tried to expose for their misbehavior always offered him huge sums of money that tripled his working wages, and whenever he remembers his old grumpy landlady, breathing down his neck like the shapeshifting Gorgon Daehwi strongly believes she is, asking for their rental and electric bills, he just had to take the cash.

He wanted justice to be served, but he needed money to continue sending his brother to school.

“You’re an idiot, hyung,” Samuel says, in between chews of the rice cracker he was munching on. “But you’re my favorite idiotic hyung, don’t go.”

Daehwi laughs as he musses his hair. He does that at every chance he gets, since he always thinks of him as that little puppy that barks at you cutely whenever you pass by the pet shop. (Samuel complains that Daehwi always treats him like a dog. He was taller than him, but today, he’s crouched down on the floor, hiding from Kahi’s wrath, so Daehwi’s able to reach his head.)

“There’s nothing I can do about it. I’ve accepted the money from Jo Junhyung; there’s no turning back,” Daehwi shrugs, as he places his stack of notebooks inside the small box they gave him to stash his belongings. “Besides, I already saw it coming. That Kahi thinks she’s so great, I already planned on resigning even before I took this case. She just got to me first.”

That was obviously a lie. Lee Daehwi was a known name in the media industry. No news station would ever take him in if he were to resign from Andromeda. He was notorious for covering up the truth from the public if you give him a reasonable amount of cash. He earned the nickname _Leech PD_ for a reason.

He turns to look around everyone’s faces one last time; they avoid eye contact with him. _They should._ They all turned a blind eye as people accused Daehwi of being a leech and a swindler and all the other nasty names they called him, when most of the producers in the same room as him have done worst. Some collected million dollar checks, others asked for cars and houses, yet here they are, still on the job and still keeping a sparkly clean reputation.

Life had always been unfair, Daehwi learned that long ago. That’s why he himself had given up on justice, no such thing can ever exist in this unjust world.

“Promise me you’ll come visit, okay? Friday soju nights is still a thing,” Samuel pouts, as he raises his pinky for him to see. 

Daehwi smiles at him and nods. The station was just a dyspnoeic, smothering clump of snobby elitists, backstabbers and liars, and Kim Samuel was his only breath of fresh air. Amidst the disastrous environment he was in, he had a friend to lean on when things got difficult, and he was surely gonna miss seeing the guy almost 24/7.

“Also, I forgot to tell you,” Samuel says as he places the box of Daehwi’s things inside the backseat of the taxi. “I answered Daniel hyung’s call for you while you were in the bathroom. He said to come see him at his café in Gangnam, something about an urgent issue involving a mansion?”

Daehwi’s eyes widen. He immediately pinched Samuel’s nose, the latter yelped in pain. “Idiot, you should have told me sooner,” he fishes for his phone out of his pocket and dials Daniel’s number. “What café did he say? St. Clair or the new Japanese one?”

Samuel rubs his red nose. “He said tea house something, so must be the Japanese one.”

Daehwi nods , and hops inside the taxi. “See you around, Muel. Don’t overwork yourself. Mister, Zen Tea House in Gangnam please.” With that, the driver turns on the engine and speeds off.

“Don’t forget alumni night’s tomorrow!” Samuel’s shout follows, but Daehwi lets the reminder pass through his other ear.

Alumni night was the least of his worries.

 

***

 

Other than the whole bowing down to bribes issue he has going, some people call Daehwi _Leech PD_ for a whole other reason—Daehwi finds proof of this when he makes his way inside one out of forty of his childhood bestfriend’s café franchises.

As the windchimes above sing along to Daehwi opening the café’s door, he is greeted by eyes of businessmen from numerous classes, both young and old, a bunch of loud whispers with his name along the lines, and a gigantic bear hug from Kang Daniel.

“I thought you were gonna _die_! My bestest, most favorite dongsaeng for all of eternity!” Daniel bawled as he wrapped his toned arms around Daehwi’s small frame tightly, the latter’s lungs starting to lose air.

“ _Daniel hyung!_ You big doof, let me go! I can’t breathe!” Daehwi tries to say, but he was being choked up so it all came out like a mumbled mess of incoherent words Daniel couldn’t have possibly deciphered. Nonetheless, he lets his friend go (breathe).

His grin was from ear to ear. “I haven’t seen you in _so_ long.”

Daehwi rolls his eyes. “We saw each other the other day. Don’t be dramatic.” They move towards one of the tables by the window and sit down, with Daniel across from him. “Also, what do you mean you thought I was gonna die?”

“Seonho called me last night,” Daniel says as he gestures something at the waiter near the counter. “He said you still haven’t returned from the convenience store, so I called Samuel, and he told me you were called up to shoot something undercover. That’s when I got worried, since stealth wasn’t exactly your forte.”

Daehwi makes a face at him. “Way to boost up your favorite dongsaeng’s ego. But, yeah, I did _almost_ die, _and_ got fired from work after putting my life on the line for this job. Unbelievable. I risked my life, but they can’t afford to show me even a bit of appreciation.”

The waiter comes back with a porcelain tea set, emitting a fragrant smell of honeysuckles and jasmines. Daniel, although toned and brusque, ironically can pull off tea ceremony rites elegantly. He pours Daehwi a cup of tea.

“You accepted the money, didn’t you?” Daniel eyes him.

Daehwi drinks the scalding tea straight up. His face scrunches and he immediately pours himself a glass of cold water. “ _Jesus Christ,_ I can’t feel my tongue!”

Daniel sighs. “I told you I can lend you money if you need it. Daehwi, I’m your friend. It’s okay to lean on me, remember that.”

Daehwi shrugs. “It’s done. I threw away my pride and took the money, Kahi got furious and now I’m left jobless. Besides, I already saw it coming, me getting fired. I’ll find another job soon,” he assures him even when he himself isn’t sure if he could even get a new one soon. If Daniel thinks the same too, he doesn’t let it show. He just nods as he sips on his own cup of tea.

Kang Daniel, at the age of 32, is one of the country’s most successful young businessmen. All of his investments that he started as soon as he came out of the hell that is high school turned into an empire of casinos, restaurants and cafes. Since then, money just come rolling in and he never had troubles about paying for living expenses and other whatnots ever again like how he used to back in high school.

He and Daehwi were poles apart, but much to everyone’s surprise, the young entrepreneur calls Daehwi, notorious cheapskate of a producer, his bestfriend. They’ve known each other way back when Daehwi was in kindergarten and Daniel was in second grade, when Daehwi accidentally poked Daniel’s nose with a pencil, and cried instead of him (Daniel cried afterwards, because Daehwi cried, not because his nose was bleeding.) But the high-end society Daniel was now a part of doesn’t know that backstory, so they all just assumed Daehwi was leeching off him through pillowtalk. _Fucking airheads who think with their wallets instead of their brains._

“So,” Daehwi starts. He’s not sure if he’s ready to hear it, but that was the whole reason he came rushing in here in the first place. It’s better to hear it now than never. “Samuel said you mentioned something about a mansion?”

Daniel places down his cup, and looks at his friend glumly. “It’s been sold, Daehwi. Your grandfather’s mansion.”

Daehwi’s shoulders drop, like the weight of the world had just been thrown onto his shoulders.

“It’s not the bank’s property anymore. Somebody had bought it, and not too recently either. The new occupant bought it four months ago, he’s residing there now,” Daniel continues. “I’m sorry, Hwi. I should have kept an eye out more,” he says as he lowers his head.

Daehwi gives him a reassuring smile and flicks his forehead. “Hyung, you idiot, it’s not your fault. If anything, I should be thanking you for looking out for me all these years.”

Daniel lifts his head up, face still distressed. “What are you going to do about it?”

“Nothing,” Daehwi sighs. “It’s not our mansion anymore, we lost the title of ownership to the bank long ago. We have no say about them selling the place, so really, there’s nothing I can do about it.”

Daniel bites his thumbnail. “Hwi…what if I buy it from the new owner? I’m sure I still have money to spare and you could just—“

Daehwi hits him in the head, and the latter lets out an embarassing squeak. “Don’t even think about it! Daniel, dear god, don’t you dare spend even a single penny on my family issues, okay? You’ve got a grand wedding coming up, spend all your spare there.”

His friend pouts at him, but nods nonetheless. “You could have just said no, no need to hit me.”

Daehwi laughs, “Hyung looked stupid, I couldn’t stop the urge to hit you.” His phone suddenly buzzes and lights up. “But were you able to find out who bought the mansion? It must’ve cost a fortune.”

“The people I sent to check haven’t given me his details yet, but he must’ve been loaded,” Daniel replies. “Was that Woojin?” he asks, pointing at Daehwi’s phone.

“Yeah,” he stands up and picks up his stuff. “Listen, I gotta go. See you around?”

“Sure, sure,” Daniel waves. “Be sure to come to alumni night tomorrow, alright? Seven pm sharp at Lotus.”

Daehwi grunts. “Do I have to? And I can’t believe you even sponsored this time.”

“Hwi, it’s been what? Three years since you last attended one? The guys miss seeing you, you have _got_ to go. There’s free booze, a lot of potential partners in life in the area— come on!” Daniel pleads.

Daehwi rolls his eyes. “No, thanks. Tell them we can schedule a get-together or something, just not alumni night. _He_ might be there.”

It was now Daniel’s turn to roll his eyes. “Are you seriously still hung up on that stupid high school crush? Why are you even hiding from him? It’s not like you owe him anything, you barely conversed in high school,” He clicks his tongue. “Besides, he hasn’t showed up in seven years. Do you honestly think he’ll show up _now_?”

Daehwi bites the inside of his cheek. He doesn’t know why he’s afraid of seeing him again either. Was it the shame that crawled its way inside his stomach or was it something entirely different? Daniel was right, it has been seven years. Why would he think of showing up now?

“Alright fine,” Daehwi sighs in defeat. “I’ll go, but I’ll only be there two hours max.”

 

***

 

“Aunty, another serving please!” Daehwi raises his bowl up in the air for the old lady tending the counter to see. She immediately takes the empty bowl, and fills it to the brim with another serving of yukgaejang. “Ah, you’re always so kind to me, Mrs. Kim.”

“I just think you’re pitiful, kid,” Mrs. Kim clicks her tongue and shakes her head, before heading back to her place by the counter. “Come here when you’re about to leave. I set aside something for your brother too.”

Daehwi raises his thumb. “You’re the best, aunty!”

“You sure like sucking my wallet dry, don’t you?” Woojin says, as he pours himself another glass of soju. He picks up a piece of tteokbokki, and lifts it up to Daehwi’s mouth. Daehwi takes it.

“You’re the one who offered,” Daehwi says in between chews. “I’m just here making good use of your generosity.” He grabs the bottle of soju, and is about to pour himself a glass when Woojin quickly takes it from him.

“You’re too wasted now. You don’t need another glass,” Woojin shakes his head.

Daehwi grins, cheeks tainted pink because of the alcohol filling up his system. “Come on, Hyu- _hic_ -ung. Just- _hic_ \- one more!”

Woojin gives him a glass of cider instead. “Drink that, and let’s go home. I can’t believe you got yourself fired. I’m gonna talk to Kahi noona tomorrow.”

“You don’t need to do that,” Daehwi rests his head on top of the table. “Just give me- _hic_ \- five minutes to take a nap first, then- _hic_ \- we’ll go,” he whispers as his eyelids droop.

“You’re unbelievable.”

 _“I can’t believe him. Who does he think he is, firing us like that, huh?”_  Daehwi overhears someone hiss angrily at the table across from where he and Woojin were at. He opens his eyes slowly, his head still spinning from too much alcohol intake. _“That asshole thinks he’s so great. Well, I’ll show him. I’ll be an even bigger star than that jerk. Let’s shoot a documentary about me instead.”_

 _“He didn’t say he fired us, Woong. He just said he declines the shoot,”_ another voice replies. _“And I don’t think the broadcasting station wants to see a documentary about rapping stylists.”_

_“Excuse me? Quick, Seob, back me up and tell this chicken dumpling here just how wrong he is. It’s about me, of course they’ll_ _dig it!”_

_“If only there was some way to convince him to shoot this documentary with us,”_ a new voice adds after a collective sigh. _“This is a big project. It’ll not only be a big break for him, but also for us. He should’ve thought about that too, instead of that irrational reasoning of his.”_

Daehwi’s ears perk up. _Big project. Big break._ He stands up.

“No, Daehwi,” Woojin immediately says.

“Don’t you even dare.”

“Hush, hyung,” Daehwi smiles at him slyly. “I got this,” he says as he approaches the group discussing earlier. He straightens his cotton sweater and checks his face on his phone’s screen, before clearing his throat to get the men’s attention. They all turn towards him.

“Uh, who are y—“

“Hello lads,” Daehwi beams at them brightly, his smile a little too wide his jaw started to hurt. “Are you in need of a quality producer for this documentary you were talking about?”

“Didn’t you hear us earlier?” the shorter boy, probably younger than him by a few years, says as he crosses his arms and raises a brow. “There is no documentary. The one we were suppose to shoot bailed on us.”

Daehwi nods. “Yeah, I heard you. That’s why I’m here to give you an offer,” he says as he slides his calling card on the table. “I’ll convince this boss of yours to do the shoot. That’s my specialty.”

“Huh? Do _you_ have _any_ idea who this monster of a boss you’ll be convincing—“ The boy sassing him from earlier on was cut off by the one beside him who kept hitting his arm. “Damn it, Hyungseob! Can’t you see I’m trying to be mean here?”

“Euiwoong, he’s _Lee Daehwi_ ,” The one who looks like a rabbit—Hyungseob—whispers through gritted teeth. Euiwoong, the sassy one, suddenly turns wide-eyed and immediately looks back at Daehwi. The latter arches a brow.

“ _You’re_ Lee Daehwi?” Euiwoong asks him as he points his finger at him. “Leech PD who can wrap anyone, just about _anyone_ , around your finger? The one who can convince just about anybody to be interviewed? That manipulative, social climbing—”

“That description’s kinda rude, don’t you think?” Daehwi scrunches his nose. “But yeah, I’m Lee Daehwi.”

“Woong, maybe Lee PD might just be able to convince him, don’t you think so?” the one sitting beside Hyungseob suggests. “It’s worth a shot, right? What could go wrong?”

“Justin, you’re crazy. We can’t just hire somebody out of the blue like this. We need to contact Manager—“

“He’s hired,” a voice behind Daehwi orders.  
Daehwi beams, and turns around to thank the owner of the voice when his words stop short at the person that greets him.

“Hi, Hwi. It’s been a while, hasn’t it?” Park Jihoon, a talent manager in C9, says with a warm smile, but it made a shiver run down his spine and had Daehwi frozen in place.

“You know each other, Ji?” Hyungseob asks.

Jihoon pats Daehwi on the shoulder and approaches their table. “Highschool. Same graduating class.”

“Hyung, listen,” Euiwoong starts, standing up like some game show host. “So we were planning to have Lee PD here convince that bossy baby of an actor you’re handling, but if you don’t want him around, it’s cool. We can just work in the streets then, Hyungseob can just scrape gum off the sidewalk—“

“Oh, it’s fine. I was actually thinking of looking for him, too,” Jihoon laughs then turns around to meet Daehwi’s eyes. “What do you say Hwi? We could really use your help.”

“I…I…” Daehwi couldn’t think. His head was just buzzing. He turned to look at Jihoon, a reminder of the past he didn’t want to look back ever again. The sight of him, after seven years, knocked him sober. “I decline. I’m sorry.”

“ _What_?” Euiwoong shouts, looking absolutely offended.”You were the one who offered even. Are you playing games with us, Lee PD?” He sits down and chugs a shot of soju straight up. Hyungseob rubs his back to calm him down, with Justin just looking at him confused.

“I’m sorry to have been an inconvenience to you all,” he bows and is about to walk back to Woojin’s table when a hand grabs him by the arm.

“Please convince him, Daehwi. I know Jinyoung would definitely agree, if you would,” Jihoon pleads.

The name makes him want to go run and hide inside a cave. Bae Jinyoung, Korea’s top star. A veteran in both the big and small screen, and even in the stage. Multi-performer known for his skills and grouchy personality.

“Jihoon, do Lee PD and Jinyoung know each other? Is that why he won’t agree, because they know each other before..?” Hyungseob asks innocently. Euiwoong and Justin’s heads perk up at the question.

Daehwi shakes Jihoon’s hold off of his arms, and laughs at them awkwardly. “I don’t know about him, but of course I know who he is, doesn’t everybody? I mean, I bet the kids who don’t have television at home can point at a billboard of Bae Jinyoung, top Hallyu star and singer-songwriter, and immediately tell who he is.” He turns to look back at Jihoon. “And I’m declining because it’s _him_. Come on, he’s notorious for being mean to his staff. I don’t want to go through a trauma, okay?”

The three aren’t convinced with Daehwi’s explanation, but nods nonetheless. Daehwi is about to leave when he hears another familiar voice. He bites the inside of his cheek.

“Andromeda gladly accepts this offer, Park Jihoon. We give you our go signal for you to have our resident producer in your project,” Woojin says, as he grabs Daehwi by the arm.

“Ah, Woojin, it has been a while too,” Jihoon chimes. “To have Andromeda’s CEO here himself, what an honor. Kids, greet him.” The three immediately bow at him. Woojin returns the gesture.

Daehwi hits his arm. “ _Are you crazy?_ I’m not working in Andromeda anymore, I got fired remember?”

“I called Kahi. She says she’ll hire you back if you get to work with them,” Woojin whispers. Daehwi grits his teeth. “How about it, Jihoon? Is it a deal?”

“Hey! I’m the one who’s working so shouldn’t I be the one to do the decision-making?” Daehwi whines. “Fine. I’ll think about it, okay?”

Jihoon smiles, obviously glad of the conclusion they’ve come to. He hands Daehwi a slip of paper. “Here’s my calling card. Give me a call, if you finally make a decision, okay? I’ll be waiting.”

Daehwi purses his lips. _Can’t this day get any worse?_

 

***

 

“Knew Kahi would definitely agree,” Woojin nods, completely amused with himself for thinking that. “Those were the only two magic words that can tame that dragon: _Bae Jinyoung.”_

“Stop saying his name, dammit!” Daehwi hits him with his bag. He grabs his own mop of hair and crouches down the pavement. “Fuck my luck, I can’t believe this!”

Woojin rests his palm on top of Daehwi’s head and musses his hair. “Hey, listen, I’m not so keen with the idea of you working with that demon either, but we got no choice, okay? This was the only way for you to keep your job.”

“Then I rather be selling meringue on the streets like the meringue athlete that I am,” Daehwi hisses. He runs his palm across his face, and screams his frustrations onto the busy streets of Seoul.

_“Day not turning out so well?”_

He lifts his head up and is greeted by the huge LED screen in front of him, showing him the one man whose voice—even when it’s mixed with sound of static— he could still recognize even from a mile. He grew up hearing that voice, _longing_ for it ever since.

_“Cheer up, and give yourself a pat in the back. You worked hard. Enjoy the holidays with a smile.”_

“Do you think I should take the job, hyung?”  
Woojin takes a deep breath. He offers a hand to Daehwi, and hoists him up. “You’ve been running away for seven years now, Daehwi. Don’t you think it’s time to stop and let go? I think the both of you need this closure.”

Daehwi lets out a weak laugh. “There’s no need for closure, if we never even started.”

“I know, but you two had something back then, and the both of you know it. You don’t need the label to be able to tell that.”

Daehwi kicks a pebble off the pavement, mind buzzing but it wasn’t because of the alcohol earlier. He takes a stick of cigarette from his pocket, but before he could light it, Woojin takes it from him.

“I didn’t know you smoke,” Daehwi smiles slyly, running a hand through his hair that was tousled over by the cold summer night breeze.

“I don’t,” Woojin steps forward and takes the box of cigarettes hanging loosely from Daehwi’s pocket. He throws them at the trashbin nearby. “And you shouldn’t either, please think about your health. You’ve been a coughing mess recently.”

Daehwi laughs and pinches both of Woojin’s cheeks. “Alright, alright. I’ll stop, if that’ll stop you from worrying about me.” He puts his hands inside his pockets and sighs. “Thanks for always being there for me, Woojin hyung.”

Woojin smiles, mussing Daehwi’s blond locks. “Anytime, Hwi.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i actually have up until chapter five ready but i'll upload them one at a time hehe again leave feedback in the comments <3 i appreciate them! and hmu on twt too: @jinhwi_twt


	3. three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> double update today because i have no self control + i like this one the most because jinhwi :)))))

“Lee Daehwi,” their Physics teacher, Mr. Gong, calls out in front of the class. Daehwi stands up and receives his exam results from last week—a big, red 97 encircled on top of his paper. “Congratulations, Mr. Lee. Another A+, but that’s to be expected from someone of your intellect.”

His classmates clap as he makes his way back to his seat, but they were mostly just empty commendations. It’s not like he expected them to be real to him. Nobody in this class had ever been real to him. Most try to get his attention through empty words of praise and when he responds to them, they would brag to the rest of the student population that they were _friends_ with _the_ Lee Daehwi. You get a lot of fame in this school with that kind of statement.

 _Lee Daehwi_ was a household name in Busan. That one kid who’s gonna inherit a whole lot of millions once he comes of age, the one with the highest GPA in school, the one with the small, pretty face, or to summarize, that one kid you want your child to be or wish you were. To everyone’s eyes, he was an icon, an epitome of perfection.

“Alright, now go to your laboratory groups and answer Exercise 32 in your modules,” Mr. Gong says as he closes his thick textbook, and heads towards the door. “You still got half an hour before class ends. Submit it to me at the office when the bell rings, okay? Class dismiss.”

The students then head to their respective groups, chairs disarrayed into poorly-made circles and jumbled voices echoed against the four walls of the classroom. Daehwi takes out his module from his bag, when Hyeri and the rest of his groupmates come huddling around him with their own lab modules.

Daehwi, although with his grand scale popularity, likes to have a small group of friends, and there are a lot who misunderstands, people who simply assume, that if he _talked_ to them, they were besties for life or something remotely close to that. And a lot of them liked to cross limits.

“Good timing,” Daehwi says without so much as glancing up to greet them. He continues to jot down formulas and numbers down on his notepad. “I’ve already answered the first three before, so I’ll do the next ones. Hyeri, you answer numbers 7 and 8. Junho, you—“

“Listen, Daehwi,” Hyeri cuts him, her voice sugarcoated as she twirls the end of her ponytail with her finger. “You see, I have a date today, and I really don’t want to be late, so can you answer them for me? Pretty please?” she bats her lashes at him as she slides down her module on his desk.

“You’ll have to excuse me today, too, Hwi,” Junho adds as he places his own module on top of Hyeri’s. “I have tutorial for Math this afternoon.”

“ I have band practice.”

“I have errands to run.”

“I have to take my dog to the vet.”

“I have—“

“No,” Daehwi answers curtly, putting his pen down. “We still have thirty minutes left before dismissal. You won’t be late for your date, or your tutorial, or your band practice, or any of your dumb excuses.”

Hyeri scoffs, “Can’t you let us go just this once? We’re friends, aren’t we? Don’t be so stingy.”

Daehwi couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He twitched at the mention of friends, but he lets that remark pass. “ _Stingy_? There are like thirty problems here. I can’t answer this alone—“

“Yeah, you can,” Junho snorts, and the rest of his groupmates nod in agreement. “ _You’re_ Mr. Perfect. You can do anything! Didn’t you just get a 97 in last week’s test? You even got full marks the other time too. _Nobody_ ever gets full marks under Mr. Gong, just you.”

“That’s utter bullshit. You know I can’t—“

Hyeri places the stack of modules in front of him. “Oh, don’t be so humble, Daehwi. We know you can, so we best be on our way as to not disturb your—whatever you call that number thingy writing stuff that you do. Cheerio!” Before Daehwi could even respond, his groupmates dash out of the room in a hurry to get to whatever important appointment waiting for each of them. He sighs.

“I didn’t deem you to be the pushover type,” Jinyoung chimes as he plops down the chair across from him, a Kitkat bar on hand. “You’re too high up on the food chain to be a pushover.”

“Food chain?”

“Yeah, food chain. Ain’t high school like that? Eat or be eaten?” He takes a bite off the chocolate before he continues, “But that’s not the point here.”

Daehwi rolls his eyes. “What _is_ your point? And no, I am not a pushover.”

“Yeah, you need to do a lot of convincing to change my mind on that,” he tosses the half-bitten chocolate bar towards him, and Daehwi quickly catches it. Jinyoung takes Daehwi’s module and inserts a torn notebook page filled with solutions. “Copy that quick. You only have fifteen minutes left.”

Daehwi slides the paper back towards him. “No thanks. I can answer this one on my own.”

Jinyoung clicks his tongue. “I’m trying to be nice to you here just this once, so take this once-in-a-lifetime offer, okay? I don’t like you but I don’t wanna see you fail just because your groupmates are douches and you’re too much of a goody-goody to scream at those fake asses.”

“Jinyoung—“

“Oh my god, you annoy me. Give me that,” he takes the pen from Daehwi’s hands and copies the answers on Daehwi’s module himself. “You go and eat the Kitkat. Junho and the rest can fuck themselves. I’m not answering theirs.”

There was a moment of silence between them, only the students hollering in the background and Jinyoung’s pen against paper. Daehwi bites off the chocolate, before asking, “Why are you doing this?”

Jinyoung looks up, and Daehwi stares at him pointedly, waiting. He leans forward and brushes his thumb against his lips. “You eat like a kid, you know that?” He wipes his hand with a tissue, and huffs, “I can’t believe Junho just called you _Mr. Perfect_. Doesn’t he see _this mess_? You’re so sloppy when you eat. You can’t even do your necktie properly. You oversleep a lot. I could go on forever, but what’s important here is that you can’t finish thirty Physics problems in less than half an hour.”

“I’m not perfect.”

“Yeah, I know,” Jinyoung smiles a little. “I like you better that way.”

He was the first person to say that.

 

***

 

Daehwi comes home around eleven, with the blaring television showing reruns lighting up the dim apartment, and his younger brother, Seonho, sprawled on the couch, sleeping heavily with his uniform still on. He walks over to him slowly, and crouches in front of him, running his fingers through his dark hair.

“Seonho, I’m sorry for being such an incapable brother,” Daehwi whispers.   
His brother was only eighteen, but he’s gone through so much that Daehwi doesn’t know how he’s still able to laugh and smile everyday without hearing a single complaint from him on how life is nothing but a big pile of shit ever since their lives went downhill. 

Seonho shifts to his side, and opens his tired eyes slowly. He smiles at his older brother. “Daehwi hyung?” he calls, turning his phone on to check the time. “Did you only arrive now?”

Daehwi nods, voice hoarse. “Yeah. Go sleep in your room, you’ll hurt your neck if you lie here all night.” He helps him up, with Seonho yawning and eyes still half-open.

“Did you go drinking again?”

Daehwi laughs a little, before mussing his brother’s hair and pushing him inside his room gently. “I couldn’t help it, Woojin offered.”

Seonho frowns, “Woojin hyung only offers to buy you a drink if either something really bad or something really good happened. Which one is it?”

He bites the inside of his cheek. He couldn’t possibly give his younger brother more burden to carry over his small frame. He didn’t have the heart nor the courage to tell him how the big brother he had always looked up to screw things up for them and now they might really be sent back living in the streets with empty stomachs. 

He shakes his head, “Don’t worry. It’s because I got a promotion.”

Seonho stares at him wide-eyed. “Are you serious?” Daehwi nods, and his brother hugs him tight before jumping up and down, now fully awake and sleepiness thrown out the window. “Let’s eat something delicious tomorrow! I’ll also get my paycheck from the café then.”

Daehwi smiles, “Alright then.” 

Seonho goes to sleep that night with a wide smile on his face. With a sigh, Daehwi pulls out the card Jihoon gave him from his wallet, and dials the number on his phone. Here goes nothing.

 

  
***

  
“I can’t do it.”

 _“Daehwi, are you crazy? You’re not bailing on me this time.”_ Woojin yells from the other end of the call. It was ten am, and Daehwi knows Woojin’s temper isn’t exactly great at this time of the day. (It’s when Kahi comes in and yells at him about issues inside the station.) _“You’re already in front of his door. The only thing you need to do now is ring the goddamn doorbell and go inside and shoot the damn documentary. Now, ring it!”_

Daehwi paces back and forth, biting his thumbnail while his other hand holds the phone to his ear. He never should have called Jihoon last night. He never should have lied to Seonho about getting a promotion, but he blames his soft older brother heart and his alcohol intake for this rash decision. 

He couldn’t, for the life of him, ring the shiny silver doorbell staring right at him.

He takes a deep breath, and lifts his finger a hairsbreadth away from the button. His whole life depends on that one push of a button. _Was he ready?_ Heck no, he wanted to run away from where he’s at and hide, but he didn’t really have much of an option here. It was either live on the streets and scrape off food from the trash or shoot this documentary. Living on the streets didn’t seem so bad then, but he also had his little brother to think of.

“Alright, Park Woojin, my finger is near the button.”

_“Yeah, that’s it. Now all you have to do is press it.”_

“Did Kahi really not mention an alternative?”

_“Daehwi, just press it!”_

“I’m about to piss my pants, Park Woojin! Be patient!”

“Lee PD?”

“Gah!” Daehwi screams, and jumps in startlement of the sudden voice that came from behind him. He accidentally presses the button and the doorbell rings. “Fuck, no! No, no, no! Oh my god, I got to get out of—“

“Who is it?” a voice calls from the intercom.

“It’s the milkman! Wait, no—the mail man! Ah, fuck. I mean, no, not you. I— I mean, hello, it’s the grandma from across the street here to give you kimchi!“

Euiwoong stares at him incredulously, before pushing him aside and leans toward the intercom. “Hyung, it’s me, Woong.” 

The door clicks open, and Daehwi thinks he’s about to die.

“Jinyoung hyung,” Euiwoong beams in his usual booming voice. “Glad to know you’re actually awake before noon. I supposed Jihoon hyung has told you about the documentary?”

Jinyoung doesn’t say a word, his eyes darted pointedly at the boy beside Euiwoong— the one with his head lowered, his cap casting a shadow on his face and his hands gripping the hem of his wool sweater tightly. He lifts his head slowly.

“Nice to finally meet you in person, Bae Jinyoung. My name is Lee Daehwi, your producer for this documentary,” he says with a smile, his hand outstretched in front of him.

Jinyoung slams the door shut.

 

***

 

He wasn’t exactly the best drinker of the group. He could barely hold a few shots before turning into a pink hiccuping mess knocked out into slumber. The next day he would wake up to a bitch of a hangover, but nothing a couple of Advils couldn’t fix.

Jinyoung had called up Guanlin and Jihoon into his flat around midnight, for an innocent round of Overwatch and an apparently liquor-free boys night-out because he was—again— apparently lonely and in need of the company of two of his bestest friends.

That was until Jihoon popped open a bottle of Jack Daniels from Jinyoung’s cooler somewhere (which he doesn’t remember having), and the former taunting him into drinking and proving he wasn’t a wuss who couldn’t handle his alcohol. The relatively wild night was now nothing but a faded memory of Jinyoung on his donut-printed boxers singing a One Direction song whilst hugging a lamp post after several burning shots down his throat.

He’s drank more than that before, and the mornings after always just led him to a bad case of hangover, with phantom nails being hammered onto his head. Never did he have hallucinations as a side effect, _but there’s always a first to everything right?_

“Please tell me,” Jinyoung inhales deeply before breathing it all out. “that _that_ wasn’t Lee Daehwi outside my front door,” he says as he points at the direction he just came from. “Please tell me I’m losing my mind and he’s not really there.”

“Lee Daehwi?” Guanlin’s head perk up at the mention of the name. He was sprawled out in the couch, reading a manhwa Jinyoung had forgotten the title of. “You mean the one from high school? _That_ Lee Daehwi?”

“Yes, _that_!”

“Oh, he’s here?” Jihoon says as he emerges from the kitchen, settling down a steaming pot of seaweed soup onto the dinner table. He wipes his hands with the apron he’s wearing. “Glad he didn’t bail at the last minute. Let him in.”

“ _What_?” Jinyoung stares at his friend in disbelief as he walks towards his spot in the dining room. “What do you mean _let him in_? Park Jihoon, what the fuck is going on?”

Jihoon stares at him as if he was the one losing his mind. “Were you really that wasted last night to not remember anything?”

Jinyoung shakes his head, face scrunched up in confusion. “All I remember was me grinding onto that lamp post. Did I do something worse than that?”

“You promised to do the shoot last night, and I told you Daehwi was gonna film it then that’s when you told me to start today right away,” Jihoon answers as he sets up the table. Guanlin gets up from the couch and helps him. “You seemed pretty excited about it so I told them you’re all set for today—ah, Guanlin, don’t use that one. Use the glass plates, the one with the pretty flower etchings.”

“You have got to be kidding me,” Jinyoung hisses as he runs his hand through his hair in frustration.

“I know right. The golden-brown glass plates are _way_ better than these flower-etched ones,” Guanlin chimes as he lifts up two different plates. Jihoon and Jinyoung lets him be.

“There is _no way_ that I said any of that ridiculous stuff. Look, I might be really wasted last night but I’m not the type to do irrational things when I’m drunk.”

“So this might not have been irrational, then,” Jihoon says as he fishes out his phone out of his pocket and types something. First came a static sound, like a buzz, and then came a Maroon 5 remix but it’s faded, like it’s somewhere far. Jinyoung wants to throw a brick onto his head at what he hears next.

The headass, Jihoon, had recorded their conversation from last night. 

_“Jinyoungie, Daehwi called me to say he’s gonna be a part of your documentary shoot. You okay with that, pal?”_ Jihoon, even through the sound of static and bad audio recording, sounded clearly like he was taking advantage of the fact that the Jinyoung from last night was buzzed to insanity.

He covers his ears immediately when he hears his slurred and _absolutely_ drunk voice next. “ _Daehwi? My Daehwi? Yes, let’s do it! Tell him to come immediately! I miss him so much!”_

_“Oh, so we’ll definitely do the documentary with Euiwoong’s crew right? Tomorrow?”_

_“I don’t care about Euiwoong! I just want to see my Daehwi. Tell him to come tomorrow!”_

_“You promise to do the shoot, right? You’re not gonna bail on me after tonight?”_

_“Yeah, yeah. I, Bae Jinyoung, solemnly swear to do the shoot tomorrow with Euiwoong’s crew but I really couldn’t care less since all I wanna see is Lee Daehwi.”_

Jinyoung quickly grabs Jihoon’s phone from his grasp and deletes the audio clip. “This is a violation of my human rights, Park Jihoon. I’m calling my lawyer, and we are not doing this documentary with _him_ , you hear me?”

Jihoon rolls his eyes, and snatches his phone back. “You’re overreacting, Jinyoung. We’re only shooting this documentary for three weeks. After that, he’s gone from your life again, just like the past seven years.”

“I’m not doing the shoot, Jihoon,” Jinyoung brushes past him harshly, and trudges up the stairs without as much as looking back at the two. All he wants to do now is go back to his room and curl over his bed, and sleep all the emotions springing back up and gnawing him inside.

“Jinyoung,” Guanlin calls when he has reached the next floor. Jinyoung pauses in front of his bedroom door. “We know you still look for him everyday. In places you think he might be, in crowds of people. You miss him, don’t you?”

Jinyoung slams his door shut for the second time that day.

 

***

 

“Hyung, Bae Jinyoung just slammed his door right in front of my face,” Daehwi says over the phone, his arms crossed and his right foot tapping restlessly on the concrete. Euiwoong is busy screaming and banging at the door.

 _“Oh dear, don’t tell me you’re gonna give up just like that?”_ Woojin’s voice was taunting. He knows damn well how Daehwi is with situations like this.

He clicks his tongue. “You know how my pride is, hyung. I’m not losing, even if it’s him. I got to go, I’ll call you after today’s shoot,” he ends the phone call.

The front door clicks open again, and reveals Park Jihoon. He greets them with a warm smile, as if they weren’t just door-slammed in the face by a certain bittergourd of an actor he was handling ten minutes ago. 

Euiwoong immediately rambles. “Hyung, Jinyoung hyung was being mean again! He just took one glance at PD-nim here, and closed the door angrily at us. I know Lee PD isn’t _that_ good-looking, but that was just too much!” he whines, and it takes Daehwi a lot of willpower not to ducktape his mouth shut.

“Yeah, I know. I’m sorry about that. Why don’t you two come in?” Jihoon opens the door wider, and they head inside. Daehwi couldn’t believe his eyes at the sight.

The vastness of the place welcomed him. The interior had an achromatic feel, with a mixture of a minimalistic touch. The floor was tiled white, and the walls that divided the rooms were of pebble washout, while the rest were made of glass so it made a lot of room for natural light and ventilation. Every corner of the room screamed fancy and expensive, yet it all flashed Jinyoung’s name at the same time. It didn’t seem like him, but it still feels like him. Everything in this place feels like Jinyoung.

He’s walking on the memory lane he had tried so hard to avoid all these years, but maybe Woojin was right. Time has passed. Maybe it was time for both of them to move on and forget the past.

The three head to the living room, where Daehwi is then reminded of the demarcation line that separated the two of them, just like before but this one is different. Now, he was looking at the sky Jinyoung used to look at.

“Where is he?” Daehwi immediately asks.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Guanlin says, and that was when Daehwi notices his presence. He was one of Jinyoung’s closest friends and they were both in the student council before so they’ve conversed a few times. He hasn’t changed all that much physical-wise, he notes.

“But we won’t get anything done if we just let him sulk in his room all day,” Jihoon counters. “He’s in his bedroom, first room you see at the second floor.”

Daehwi nods, and walks up the stairs, his steps heavy. He hears Euiwoong ask downstairs what was going on, but his head was filled with too much thoughts to take note of anything he had said.

He could just go home and tell Kahi that Jinyoung doesn’t want to do the shoot, but then there’s that small part of him inside that wants to face him head on. Maybe he had grown tired of running away after all this time, or maybe, just maybe, he had grown to miss the past he had wanted to get away from.

Daehwi reaches the door, and opens it, thankful that it wasn’t locked like he had expected.

Bae Jinyoung was the epitome of the past he had wanted to get away from, and he was now a meter away from where Daehwi was standing.

“Get your check or whatever from Jihoon,” he says, his left arm covering his eyes as he lies haphazardly on his king-size bed. “I’m not doing the shoot with you.”

“That’s kind of rude, don’t you think? You haven’t given us a chance even. We’re not that bad,” chortles Daehwi. He closes the door behind him slowly. “Even with my relatively bad reputation, I’m actually good with the camera.

“Get out of here while I’m still calm.”

Daehwi sighs, “Look, _sir_. You may not like the crew, but please think that we, too, have a family to feed with the money we’ll earn from this shoot. Not only that, this would be good in our backgrounds too and we’ll get bigger offers in the future, so if you would kindly just—“

“Don’t test me,” Jinyoung says, in a more thunderous voice. He gets up from his lying position, and looks at him intently. Daehwi feels a current down his spine. “Why are you here?”

He smiles coyly, “Didn’t I just tell you? I’m your documentary’s producer.”

“Oh, don’t give me that bullshit,” Jinyoung shoots, as he moves towards him. Daehwi moves backwards out of reflex. “After all this time, why the fuck did you have to come here _now_?”

Jinyoung stops, and so does Daehwi. He eyes the former intently, gaze not faltering.

“I feel like you don’t like me all that much, Bae Jinyoung,” Daehwi breathes out. “I’m only here _now_ , like you asked, since Jihoon told me to come at 10, and I don’t think I’m late, though? So I have no idea what the fuss is all—“

Jinyoung lets out a low chuckle, a bit too low that it seems non-existent. “Are you really gonna play me like this, huh? _Lee Daehwi_?” He pulls the producer’s arm closer, a bit too harshly that the latter hisses in pain. “Are you really gonna pretend to _not_ know me, is that it? You want to play this game? Pretend like there’s _nothing_ wrong going on?”

Daehwi looks at him blankly. “I never said I didn’t know who you were. _You’re_ Bae Jinyoung, everybody kno—“ His sentence is cut off when Jinyoung presses his lips against his.

His lips were chapped, and he tasted of wine and lead like he had just bit them. It was a rough kiss, forced even, and Daehwi grants him access but he doesn’t respond. He lets him do whatever the hell he wants, as he stands still. Jinyoung pulls away moments later, breathing unevenly as he rests his forehead on Daehwi’s shoulder, hands snaking on the latter’s waist. 

“I missed you,” he says softly, “Goddamit, I missed you so much. Why did you leave me, Hwi?”

Daehwi stiffens at the mention of his nickname. He isn’t the only person to use that, but there’s always just something to it when it’s Jinyoung who’s calling him that. He pushes him away gently, the latter searching Daehwi’s face for any form of emotion but he keeps his head to the side.

“I could sue you for this harassment, sir,” Daehwi tries to say without his voice breaking before turning his gaze back at him.

Jinyoung stares at him, his face uncomprehending like he hadn’t just bare his heart out to him a few minutes ago. He’s always been hard to read, Daehwi thinks.

The door bursts open, and reveals Guanlin and Jihoon, both with questioning looks. Jihoon was the first to ask what was going on. 

Daehwi turns back to Jinyoung, “But I’ll forgive you if you agree to do the film,” he smiles coyly. Jihoon and Guanlin blink, and turn to the latter curiously.

Jinyoung sighs, before grabbing Daehwi by the arm and dragging him out of his bedroom. He storms down the set of stairs, with Daehwi trying to keep up with his long strides, and both exit the actor’s house without looking back.

“Jinyoung!” Jihoon calls as he runs after the two, “Where are you going? We’re not done yet here! Jinyoung!”

Jinyoung unlocks his car with a press of a button, and opens the door of the passenger seat for Daehwi, “Get in,” and the latter does without protest. He hops inside the driver’s seat, and pulls out of the driveway.

 

  
***

 

“I didn’t know you smoke.”

Jinyoung freezes. It’s been years since he had last heard it, but he knows he couldn’t have mistaken it. He knows too damn well to whom the voice belongs too. Everything about it was just too awfully familiar for him to have gotten it wrong.

He doesn’t just hear it; he feels it.

Jinyoung steps out of his car, and throws the stick of cigarette on the concrete, the sole of his shoe killing the flame. The vehicles behind honk angrily, throwing him curses left and right but none of those matter at the moment. Right now, all he wanted was to see him.

He had stopped contacting the police to search for him years ago. He had dropped the blotter for him, and he had stopped pasting missing case posters on street posts and alleyways. He had tried to move on; he had tried to give up, but deep down, he knew he never really stopped looking for him.

His eyes would wander around crowds of people on streets or bars or just random places where he could have been, searching each and every face for a familiar one.

He storms across the street, to where the voice had come from, and there he sees him.

His hair was now bleached, no longer the dark locks he was used to seeing before but the fringe was just as long. He’s wearing a cotton sweater, two sizes too big for him that the sleeves had gone past his fingertips, and jeans too skinny and ripped.

He was used to seeing him in tailored buttoned shirts, trousers just his size, and blazers and shoes that screamed million-dollar brand names. He looked different now, a bit older and thinner than the last time he saw him, but he knows it’s him.

“Dae—“

He stops when he sees him throw his head back laughing as he pinches the cheeks of the person he was talking to. Jinyoung realizes then that he wasn’t alone. 

“Alright, alright. I’ll stop, if that’ll stop you from worrying about me.” He sees him move closer. “Thanks for always being there for me, Woojin hyung.”

The other smiles back, mussing his blond locks. “Anytime, Hwi.”

Daehwi wraps his arms around the man’s neck, and pulls him in for a quick peck on the lips. Jinyoung learns by then that everything in this world really was moving except for him.

 

***

 

 

He doesn’t say anything for the entirety of the ride, and Daehwi momentarily decides that it’s better for him to keep his mouth shut too. Jinyoung has been driving all over the city for about an hour now.

He keeps his hands still on his lap, his fingers doing that thing again whenever he’s nervous, as Jinyoung speeds downtown, to a road that led to a neighborhood that seemed way too familiar but the memory fades at the back of his mind.

The car abruptly stops, and before Daehwi could ask where the hell were they, Jinyoung gets out in a rush. He circles around the passenger side and yanks Daehwi out of the car forcefully, and it’s only then that he realizes where he had taken him.

“It’s my old apartment,” Daehwi whispers before turning back to Jinyoung with questioning eyes. “Why are we at my old apartment?”

“I don’t know where you live now,” Jinyoung answers without as much as casting a glance at him. He fishes out his wallet from his pocket and shoves several bills towards him. “And I don’t want to know, so here’s your pay. If that’s not enough, just go ask Jihoon. I don’t care, just don’t ever come back.”

Daehwi counts the bills; it was more than his usual pay in the station, alright. He could have beef with Seonho for a week straight with that amount. He shoves them inside his jeans’ pocket.

“We’re shooting your documentary,” he says curtly. “I’m not taking pay for not doing anything. We’ll resume the shoot tomorrow. I’ll come by again.”

Jinyoung looks at him sternly, before heading back inside his car. “Then good luck shooting without the star.” He speeds out into the main road, and then out of Daehwi’s sight.

He kicks a pebble off the pavement, and contemplates on either waiting for the bus that’ll take about half an hour to arrive or just walk all the way home since his apartment was just on the next neighborhood, about a fifteen-minute walk.

Daehwi shoves both hands on his jeans’ pockets, coins jingling along, as he walks his way home.

 

  
And somewhere on the way, he crouches down on the sidewalk, his palms pushing back warm tears.

“Jinyoung, you asshole,” his curses swallowed by the sound of mid-noon traffic. “I missed you too, goddammit.”


	4. four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a filler chapter, with like 90% backstory but enjoy!

_high school; freshmen year_

Jinyoung knows he hated Literature class for a reason.

Sure, reading poems written by Edgar Allan Poe every once in a while was nice. He even learned all these Shakespearean whatnots and words that end with –eth. Literature was a subject of the mind, of analysis, of emotions. They could just have a written test about Romeo and Juliet or whatever Renaissance fairytale his sixty-something professor could recite by heart, but _no._

Here they were, biting their tongues off lines out of Old English, reciting a screenplay for their final output. It’s finals week and everybody is busy. Not only was finals the season of half-dead students running high on caffeine and palms ink-smudged with cheat codes and formulas, but for students with Lit as an elective, they too have a play as a final output to think about and a forty-page script to memorize even in their sleep to answer the written exam the following day.

And here he was, painting backdrops, his hands now an abstract picture of reds and blues and yellows. On his tiptoes, he grips the side of the ladder tightly and reaches for the farther end of the wall with his paintbrush.

“You like him, don’t you?”

Jinyoung jolts in startlement, the ladder shaking unsteadily because of the sudden movement.  He sets the brush he was holding by the brim of the can of paint, and steps down, but not before sending a glare towards Jihoon, who was laughing boisterously at his expense.

“I could have _died_.”

“Ah, but you _didn’t_.”

“One wrong step and I could have broken my neck!”

“Again. But you _didn’t.”_

He rolls his eyes and wipes his hands with the rug hanging loosely at a ladder step, although he was sure the paint wasn’t gonna come off in about a week.

“You haven’t answered my question,” Jihoon pushes, “Do you like him?”

“You do know that you sound really vague, right? Who is _him_ and what are you even talking about?” Jinyoung moves out of the backstage and towards the set, with Jihoon trailing behind him. They make their way in front of center stage, just in time to see their main character, yet again, mess up his lines.

They only have less than a week for preparations, and the stress was certainly taking its toll. Somi, the one appointed director for the play, throws the script angrily and storms out of the auditorium. Sohye, their head stylist, shakes her head and tells the cast to take a ten-minute break, before patting Daehwi in the back and running after Somi.

Jinyoung watches Daehwi pick up the script and skim through it, before running a palm across his face and letting out a frustrated sigh. Stress was also taking its toll on him as well. The latter had rings under his eyes, and he even came on set half-asleep this morning, his tie all wrong and his uniform’s blazer buttoned in the wrong holes.

“ _Maybe I should get him coffee…but too much caffeine ain’t good for the system and he already had three cups this morning. A snack, maybe? That jelly pudding he likes. Maybe I should go buy—“_

“Oh yeah, you’re hella whipped, alright,” Jihoon sing-songs.

Jinyoung turns to him, scandalized. “Please tell me I didn’t just say that at loud.”

When Jihoon suppresses his laugh and looks like he was about to explode from it, Jinyoung scrunches his face up in horror.

“Calm down, dude. So what?” Jihoon manages to say, “It’s normal to have crushes. I have a crush. You have a crush. Even old Mrs. Jung, who’s like ninety, has a crush. You’re fifteen, young with raging hormones. It’s in our nature—”

“I don’t _like_ him, okay?” Jinyoung grits his teeth, his eyes darting everywhere else but Jihoon’s. “I just think he’s…well, cute. And really smart. And he plays the piano really well. And—“

Jihoon presses a pointer near his mouth, “And that’s what having a crush means, dingleberry. Come on now, give it a shot. He’s single, you’re single, and both of you don’t have a date to the sem-ender ball yet. Give it a go!”

“Are you suggesting that I ask him out to the dance?” Jinyoung looks at him incredulously, before turning his head back towards Daehwi’s direction. He watches him close his eyes slowly, right hand on his cheek and his arm barely supporting the weight of his face. When his elbow slips, he jolts awake in  startlement and stifles a yawn with the back of his hand, his uniform sleeve a bit too long that it runs past his fingertips

_Dear god, he’s too damn cute for his own good._

Jihoon stares at him, “Uh, yeah, instead of just gawking at him the entire day like a maniac.”

“I’m not…” Jinyoung just shakes his head and waves him off. “You know what? I’m gonna go back to painting that _goddamn_ sky, and actually be of use instead of just idling by, so if you’ll excuse me,” he heads towards the backstage, right in time to see Somi coming in. _Yeah, better work now than get shouted at._

“Yeah, be a chicken then. See how you’ll like it if someone else makes a move on him first!”

Jinyoung pays him no heed, and returns to his station— spreading light blue paint unevenly on a gigantic piece of plywood. He takes the spot below, since he doesn’t feel like climbing the ladder for a while, just in case someone came up to him again and startle the lights out of him. _Yeah,_ no way was he gonna spend a lot of money mending a broken neck.

Somi comes in and checks with the propsmen a few minutes later, her clipboard at hand. She reprimands their classmates tasked to make the trees saying the brown shade of the bark looked like it had been peed on by a dog. Dongbin, who Jinyoung assumes was the one who painted it that way, looks like he was about to cry. When she moves on to scold the next victims, Jinyoung sees Daehwi make his way towards Dongbin. He watches him give the latter a comforting pat in the back, and explain animatedly how to paint it properly. Dongbin cheers up after that, and Jinyoung finds himself smiling as well.

There was always something in Lee Daehwi that made Jinyoung up on his toes.

He likes how Daehwi’s eyes are this pretty shade of warm brown, and holds this glint of curiosity at everything he casts his glance on, like every little thing in the universe piques his interest. And when he smiles, those eyes crinkle into crescents. He likes the way he smiles and the way he laughs, the sound too refreshing and too rare that Jinyoung thinks he’ll never get enough of it. And Jinyoung especially likes it when Daehwi plays the piano, the notes just seem to come to life when his fingers lightly hit the keys.

But what he likes the most is how Daehwi, even with his entire life laid out open into the public ever since he was young, is still a shell of secrets Jinyoung can’t help but be curious about. He always does something that catches Jinyoung off-guard, like some sort of bag of surprises. There was always something in him that he can’t quite pinpoint. Something in his eyes, in his smile, in his music. Everybody knows who he is, but they don’t know enough.

And Jihoon was right. Jinyoung did _like_ Daehwi, like him enough to volunteer as errand boy slash gardener’s assistant slash general flunky at the Lee’s mansion every once in a while during summer just to see him up close—and Jinyoung was a man of pride.

His parents have worked their asses off for the Lee’s for the past twenty years, way before his older sister had been born. They might be servants to that old grumpy couple, but he wasn’t a servant to them, nor is his older sister. The fact that home was the renovated cottage behind their huge mansion doesn’t put them in any obligation other than to be polite and well-behaved, but he was fully aware of the demarcation line.

He wouldn’t defer to them. He wouldn’t scrape and bow for anybody. But he knows where he stands in the social pyramid, and that’s enough for him to back away from any thoughts of dating Lee Daehwi, or just _him_ in general. Jinyoung always steers clear off Daehwi’s direction.

That’s why, Jinyoung thinks, he could never tell him he likes him a whole lot more than he ever lets on.

Shaking his head, Jinyoung continues to paint the plywood blue. He’s halfway done when he runs out of paint. “Hey Hyunmin, do we have any spare for blue paint?”

“I’m afraid you’re gonna have to go to the stock room. I only brought three, and that was the last one,” Hyunmin, the one who took his spot by the ladder, answers as he spreads white over blue.

He puts down his brush again, and wipes his hands with his apron. “Oh, right. The keys, then?”

“I think Daehwi has them.” With that, Jinyoung visibly shifts uncomfortably. Hyunmin climbs down the steps, and shouts from behind him. “Daehwi-ah! Come here for a sec!”

_Oh dear._

Daehwi jogs towards them, turning to Jinyoung questioningly for a second before fixing his gaze at Hyunmin. “Uh, is there something wrong?”

“We ran out of blue paint, and Jinyoung here needs the keys to the stock room,” Hyunmin points at Jinyoung, who immediately jolts when Daehwi turned his way as well.

“Oh, yeah. Yeah, I have the keys,” Daehwi says as he fishes for them in his slacks’ pockets. “I’ll go there with you.”

“Oh, no,” Jinyoung shakes his head, a bit too much than he had intended. “No, that won’t be necessary, thank you. You can just give the keys to me.”

“I need to get a few stuff from there as well,” Daehwi shrugs, and starts to walk ahead. “Let’s go.”

“Eh? No, really, I—“

“Oh, just go!” Hyunmin pushes him, and he nearly falls onto the ground, but luckily finds his balance. “Hurry back. There’s still a lot to be done.”

Jinyoung thinks Hyunmin might just have something against him.

The stock room, thankfully, wasn’t that far from the auditorium so it ended the weight of the awkward silence that enveloped the two a tad faster. Daehwi walked two steps ahead, humming to a familiar old tune Jinyoung can’t quite remember, while he lagged behind.

 _You’re a wuss. You can’t even walk side by side, what the fuck?_ , his conscience whispers, which he later realizes sounds a whole lot like Jihoon’s voice. Jinyoung shakes his head.

“The door’s stuck. It won’t budge,” Daehwi says, already at the door of the stock room.

Jinyoung jogs after him, “What do you mean?”

“It’s the knob,” Daehwi explains, “It’s gone creaky and old or something. Nobody uses it much these days so it gets harder to open everytime.”

“Alright, step aside,” Jinyoung twists it open, his knuckles going white, and it’s only after his fourth attempt that the door budges open. “That took longer than I had expected.”

“Hm, good job, hulk,” Daehwi comments, a smile tugging on his lips.

Jinyoung bites his own, and steps inside ahead, a hand searching through the walls for a light switch. He attempts to flick one on, “Uh, the light’s not working. Do you have a phone with you?”

Daehwi follows him inside, after placing a box by the door to hold it from closing, “No, I left mine in my bag.”

“Oh.” _Shit._

The only source of light they had was from orange daylight of the sunset beaming outside the door and the small window behind a cabinet. The stock room was small and cramped, probably only a third of a classroom, and the space was mostly occupied by two enormous shelves filled with dusty boxes. The place looked like it hadn’t been cleaned for over a decade.

Jinyoung heads over to one of the shelves to search the boxes, coughing up a dust storm before spotting the one with the paint cans by the window. He lifts up the blue one.

“What’s your favorite color?” Daehwi suddenly asks.

Jinyoung lurches back in surprise and rams his elbow at a shelf, spilling a small can of yellow paint all over the marble floor. He was definitely gonna get a scolding later on.

Daehwi steps back a little. “Ah, shit, I am so sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you.”

“Uh, it’s fine,” Jinyoung assures him, rubbing the red mark on his elbow. “But what did you say just now?”

“Your favorite color,” Daehwi smiles. “What is it?”

Jinyoung pauses for a moment. He’s been like this for the past few days. Yesterday, he had asked him if he favored a bow or a tie, and the other day, he asked him about his favorite flower. He would come out of the blue and ask him random questions. He could assume that Daehwi was coming on to him about the sem-ender ball, but that’s like saying Jihoon’s gonna ask Guanlin to the dance (note: Jihoon’s twice the wuss he is; Guanlin would probably ask him first.)

“…it changes a lot, actually. I have no permanent favorite.”

“What makes it change?”

Jinyoung watches Daehwi turn his gaze towards the old painting framed on the wall, his fingers tapping against the broken wooden desk beside him. He turns his head back at him and smiles, and the room doesn’t seem so dark now. Jinyoung fights the urge to send it back.

“The mood? The weather? The people? Pretty much anything, really.”

“I see,” Daehwi nods. “So if it’s sunny, you like warm colors, and if it’s a bit of a dull day, you think of darker ones? That kind of mindset?”

“Uh, yeah, I’m a simple guy with a simple mind. I’m really easy to read.”

Daehwi stares at him fondly, “I don’t think you’re easy to read at all. I know you’re a whole lot more than what you show everybody.”

Jinyoung stares back, “Yeah?”

“Yeah, it’s like you’re this enigma, a jigsaw puzzle with a missing piece so it’s too hard to figure out, but everything about it makes you curious and you just wanna solve it to see the complete picture…” Daehwi looks down on his shoes, his cheeks flushed visible in the dim-lit room. “…well, that’s what I think.”

“Oh…” _What do you say to that exactly?_

There was a pause for a moment, and Jinyoung thinks the conversation’s over. They were never really the closest ones in the class, despite living in the same soil for the entirety of their fifteen years of existence. It’s a surprise really, for Jinyoung, to have Daehwi approach him these past few days and start small talk, although most end in awkward pauses and stuttered got-to-go’s, but that’s mostly on Jinyoung’s end.

“How come we don’t talk often?” Daehwi suddenly asks, taking Jinyoung aback. “Like…we live right next door to each other. How is that even possible?”

 _Because you’re the sky, and I’m like sixty feet under?_ “I don’t know…I guess we just never really got around to it.”

Or more like Jinyoung doesn’t know what to say in front of him that wouldn’t result to him humiliating himself, and _slash_ or getting attached to him, because attachments with someone from a class way above your own, like his father had once told him, won’t do you any good. Emotionally.

“Yeah, I guess so,” Daehwi takes a deep breath, “Uh, Jinyoung, listen…“ he trails. Jinyoung glances up, and sees Daehwi’s hesitation written clearly on his face. He shakes his head and tells him it’s nothing.

Jinyoung knows it’s definitely not _nothing_ , but decides it’s better to not press on so he simply nods in response. Whatever he was trying to say feels like it’s better to be left unsaid. The less he knew about Daehwi, the better it is for everybody, his mind reasons out.

He picks up the the can of paint, when Daehwi suddenly speaks again.

“Your bracelet…it’s pretty,” he comments.

Out of reflex, Jinyoung looks down on the silver chain hanging loosely on his wrist. He had bought it out of impulse when he had gone to the mall with Jihoon and Guanlin the week before, and he doesn’t know if it’s also out of impulse when he unhooks it and hands it over to Daehwi.

“You can have it if you want,” Jinyoung mumbles, his fringe hooding his eyes.

Daehwi looks at him in bewilderment, eyes wide, “Are you okay with that? It might be important to you and I can’t just—“

“I wouldn’t give it to you so easily if it was,” Jinyoung cuts him off quickly before taking Daehwi’s hand and hooking the chain on his wrist, the bracelet a little too big for him that it slides against his milky white skin loosely. “I only bought it for like fourteen hundred won, don’t worry.”

“Oh,” Daehwi holds up a finger to run against the cold jewelry, a small smile tugging up the corners of his lips. “But still, thank you though. I really do like it.”

Jinyoung would be lying if he said the way Daehwi looked at _his_ bracelet so fondly and warm, and how he had caressed _said_ bracelet didn’t make his skin burn like he had been tossed out into a bonfire. He’d be lying if he said the way Daehwi’s cheeks and ears were a visible shade of pink even in the darkness didn’t affect him even the slightest bit and how the sight is too _fucking_ beautiful that there’s a loud hammering somewhere by his ribcage.

Jinyoung thinks he’s losing it, but tries to cover his distress with a loud, obnoxious snort. “Why are you even making such a big deal out of it, it’s not that special,” he bites down on his lip, knowing completely that he sounds like a total dickwad at the moment but his emotions were smothering him so much, he wants it all too stop. “You basically have everything; how does one measly bracelet make any difference?” He says the last words a little quieter when he sees Daehwi’s smile turn to a straight line and his posture stiffens.

Daehwi’s arms fall to his side. “No, I don’t. I don't have everything, Jinyoung.” He turns to look at him for a brief moment, before lowering his gaze to his hand pinching his thigh. “I don’t have you.”

There was a pause for a moment, none of them saying anything. Jinyoung feels a twitch in his chest, and then the hammering sound just gets louder and louder, smothering him more and more, that he’s sure Daehwi hears it too. It’s ringing and it’s too loud and his ears feel like they’re burning and Jinyoung wants it to stop. He’s fully aware of what he’s feeling, and he knows for sure that Daehwi’s aware of it as well, now that he tilts his head up to meet his eyes.

And it terrifies him, because Daehwi’s feeling it too.

Call it cowardice and a pretty dick move, but Jinyoung grabs the can of paint before moving past him and heading straight towards the door.

“Do you really think I have everything, Jinyoung _?_ ” Daehwi says from behind him softly, his voice breaking that Jinyoung thinks he might start crying there, but he doesn’t stop walking. He continues to head back to the auditorium, fully aware that Daehwi was right behind him, trying to keep up with his strides.

“Yeah,” he answers without looking back. “You have _this_ life all laid out for you, while most of us have to fight our way to have even just a quarter of that luxury. What do you need _me_ for?”

“I want you to be my friend,” He hears the footsteps grow louder, and a hand then yanks him to turn around just when he was just about to open the doors to the auditorium. Daehwi’s eyes are soft and glistening. “I want to get to know you. I want to talk with you, joke around with you, just _be_ with you.”

Jinyoung thinks it’s unfair how Daehwi has him riled up on his toes so much but doesn’t even know he has this kind of effect on him. Daehwi, with his beautiful, curious eyes and his smile that Jinyoung can’t stop daydreaming about. It’s unfair how he just wants to wrap his arms around his frame, kiss him senseless and protect him from everything that could hurt him, when ironically, he’s the one who’s about to hurt him.

“You know we can’t ever be friends.”

“Don’t you want to…try?” Daehwi asks weakly. Jinyoung sees his lips starting to quiver. “I always feel it—you not liking me and all that, and I don’t even know why. I don’t know what I did wrong. We don’t even talk all that much. When I approach you, you always run away. Heck, this might even be the nearest I’ve ever been to you for all these years.”

Jinyoung bites his lower lip, and remains mum.

“Why do you hate me so much?”

Maybe Jinyoung was just overreacting a bit, he thinks. So what if he were to try and befriend Daehwi? He wasn’t asking him to _date_ him, just be _friendly_ with him. No harm in that.

Briefly, he struggled with the impulse to compromise his principles and tear down this wall that he had built as a defense mechanism, but then that one ugly thought comes back to pull him out of it once more. _Lee Daehwi is the sky, and you’re nothing more than dirt down here on earth._

Jinyoung simply shakes his head.

Daehwi smiles at him, but Jinyoung sees how his eyes turn glassy. “See? I lost my parents. Nobody wants to be friends with me, except Daniel hyung. _You_ don’t want to be friends with me. Seems like I don’t really have everything now, do I?”

Jinyoung feels like an asshole. Everything was just so unfair.

The doors burst open and reveals Hyunmin and Jihoon, backpacks at hand, who were equally surprised to see the two right outside. Jinyoung sees some of his classmates cleaning up and ready to leave through the small opening of the door behind the two.

“We were just about to get you guys,” Hyunmin starts as he hands Daehwi’s backpack to him.

Jihoon nods in agreement as he hands Jinyoung his as well, “Yeah, practice’s done for the day. Man, you should have seen it! Yongjin was _so_ stressed and Somi was screaming at him that he had just started _puking_ on the set. It was super nasty and then—“

“Here,” Jinyoung shoves the paint can at Jihoon, before adjusting the strap of his backpack. “I’m going on ahead. Get this inside for me, will you? I really need to go. My mom needs me to help out on something back at home,” he lies.

From his peripheral, he sees Daehwi shake his head. Jinyoung wasn’t sure if it was just his head playing with him, but he sees Daehwi wipe away something in his eyes before brushing past him harshly and trudging down the hall towards the exit of the building. He watches the small frame of his back hunch up and down as if he was trying to compose himself.

He steels himself against an instinctive sympathy with some regret he didn’t understand.

Okay, so maybe he did sound a bit too harsh, and he might have possibly acted way too mean towards a most likely good intent, but someone like Lee Daehwi, of his level, didn’t need sympathy or kindness from someone like him.

“Woah, okay, what happened in there?” Hyunmin inquires, his face etched with worry. “Dude, what the fuck did you do? He looks upset.”

_Fucked up and lose his balls, that’s what._

“Said he had an upset stomach or something,” he lies again.

“Jinyoung,” Jihoon calls out to him, placing a hand by his shoulder. He always did have the sixth sense for Jinyoung’s lying. Either that or he was just an incredibly shitty liar.

Jinyoung offers him a small smile before tearing his hold off him, “It’s nothing. Listen, I gotta go. Bye” He walks down the hall in slow, calculating steps as if his thoughts weigh too much.

Not too soon, everyone was dead beat and ready to head back home, running past him as they make their way towards the glass doors of the school’s exit.

When he comes out of the school building ten minutes later, he is greeted by the cold slap of the wind against his cheek and heavy rain falling down like a curtain of silver needles. He remembers the weather forecast that morning, and his mother reminding him to bring an umbrella in case the weatherman was right this time. Jinyoung zips open his backpack, and fishes out for it, heaving sigh that he managed to remember bringing it along.

Just when he was about to open it, he sees Daehwi tap one foot on the pavement restlessly, leaning onto a column post, and grasping onto his uniform’s blazer tightly. He eyes the rest of his classmates brush past him and leave with umbrellas up above their heads, and he hears Daehwi groan in frustration.

He doesn’t have an umbrella with him, Jinyoung concludes.

Daehwi tilts his head slightly to the side, just enough to catch Jinyoung’s gaze on him before turning back to face the parking lot, without saying much of a word much less any form of acknowledgment at him.

Jinyoung tries to shake off the bubble of remorse making its way inside his chest. It’s not like anything has changed with their demeanor towards each other. In fact, everything was just how it had been before. No acknowledgment thrown out into each other’s way, no hey’s or hello’s, no shared glances from across the room, like how it had always been before Daehwi started being weird towards him, advancing on him with questions he had no idea what purpose they held all of a sudden. Everything is normal, like how they should be.

Yet it’s the normalcy of it all that suffocates him.

Their conversation had been awkward, that much Jinyoung admits, and it would just be adding more oil into the fire if he were to ask Daehwi to walk home together under one umbrella. However, even when Jinyoung had acted like a total douchebag earlier, he wasn’t the type of douchebag to just let someone freeze under this storm just because he harbors unwanted feeling towards them.

With that conclusion, he gulps and trudges towards the post Daehwi had been leaning on. “Uh, Dae-“

A car he had failed to notice honks and breaks him out of his reverie.

Daehwi shifts to his side, sighing in relief. The door to the backseat opens, and out came a familiar face, someone he has seen far more than a few times in the school corridors and in the Lee’s mansion. He smiles warmly at Daehwi as he walks towards him with an umbrella. Jinyoung feels his grip on his own tighten.

“Woojin,” Daehwi calls out rather fondly.

“Daehwi, hey,” Woojin beams at him, before taking Daehwi’s bag and slinging it on his back. “I was on my way to drive your grandfather home after his visit with dad today, when we decided to come pick you up along the way.”

“You came right on time,” Daehwi chortles, like he hadn’t looked slumped earlier. “I was afraid I’d have to come home all soaked, muddy and with a possible case of leptospirosis.”

Woojin throws his head back laughing before guiding Daehwi inside his car with a hold of his back. “I guess I did. Let’s go?”

Jinyoung sees Daehwi nod, and enter Woojin’s black BMW. The latter opens the door to the passenger seat and slides in. The door to the backseat shuts close, but not too soon for Jinyoung to catch the soft glance Daehwi had casted on him, and the burning glare of his grandfather beside him.

The kind of look that had always sent him back to his place, ever since he was a kid who had wanted Daehwi to be his playmate and now when he had found a potential love interest in him.

He chuckles bitterly as the car revs up and zooms out of school property. The rain falls heavier, and he thinks it’s better to put a dot on the story of his bittersweet first love right there and then.

Jinyoung thinks it’s better to not waste his energy attaining the unattainable.

 

 

*

_high school; senior year_

 “—once again, congratulations, my fellow graduates. We’ve made it this far, and we’ll go even further.”

Jinyoung finally feels himself breathing again when he steps out of the podium, the blaring cheers and applause of the audience blurring out. He had just delivered his valedictorian speech just like how he had practiced it, and the program continues on until he and his fellow graduates grip on their donned caps and toss them in the air, a way of saying goodbye to the four corners of the classroom and the desks that had witnessed their growth during every recurring day.

High school, a time when he sat for hours staring at the clock and hoping it’d move faster, is now a faded, blurry memory at the back of his head. Jinyoung stares at the diploma and the plaque of being valedictorian in his hands; he was now a step closer to achieving even greater heights, like how he had always dreamed.

“Jinyoung,” he hears someone call out softly from behind him, and he turns around to see Daehwi walking towards him, clad in a buttoned-up white shirt and black trousers, his graduation toga hanging on his left arm.

“Oh, Daehwi, hey,” Jinyoung manages to croak out, his palms awkwardly wiping down the toga he was still wearing. He spots Jihoon and Guanlin by the parking lot, busy taking photos and were probably waiting for him to join them. “Uh, you need anything?”

“You’re leaving today,” Daehwi replies, and he didn’t state it as a question, Jinyoung notes. “I saw the moving truck this morning before we went to school.”

“Yeah, we’re heading to Seoul later this afternoon. Dad had managed to buy a house with his savings and a good friend of his helped out too,” Jinyoung replies curtly. “Your flight’s tomorrow morning, right?”

Daehwi smiles a little, amused that he knows and Jinyoung bite down his tongue for letting it slip. “Yeah, seven am sharp. Congratulate your dad for me, for passing the bar.”

“Yeah, sure.”

The cold February breeze brushes past them as they stay silent for a moment. Jinyoung, his eyes hooded by his growing fringe, sees Daehwi run his hands through his windswept hair, his cheeks tainted pink because of the cold weather and his porcelain skin made him look like a winter flower that Jinyoung had to will himself to stop looking.

Daehwi was, and still is, so fucking beautiful, and the sight of him still riles Jinyoung up his toes.

Jinyoung bites on his lower lip, and stares down on his shoes, kicking up a pebble on the pavement, instead. It’s not until he feels Daehwi’s grip on his toga's sleeve that he looks up at him. Daehwi's eyes were still casted down.

"I don't wanna leave without settling our differences," Daehwi breathes out. Jinyoung watches the way the hand holding onto him tighten its grip, like he was relying on Jinyoung for balance. "Everything between us...wait, that makes it sound like something's going on between us. Let me rephrase that," Daehwi tilts his head back laughing, but the laugh sounds forced and stiff and everything Daehwi's usual laugh isn't.

"Let's start anew," Daehwi looks up to him this time, smiling at him sadly. "Everything I said to you before, if they make you feel uncomfortable, I want you to forget about all of them. If anything about me bothers you, forget about those. If I bother you, forget about me."

"But I don't want to forget about you," Jinyoung says before he could even stop himself.

"Really?" Daehwi's smile now turns soft, and it takes all of Jinyoung's willpower not to return it.

Daehwi makes him feel so much,  _too much_ , and all those emotions piling up on him smothered him, making him feel like he couldn't breathe, but he had never thought of those emotions as uncomfortable. Ironically, he finds comfort in those emotions. The warmth he feels in his chest whenever he thinks of Daehwi gave him comfort. Thoughts about Daehwi made him happy, and he ain't uncomfortable with it, but he's scared. Jinyoung's scared because he feels so much for the one boy who now meant the world to him but could never be a part of his.

"You can't forget a person that easily," Jinyoung whispers but Daehwi catches it.

"Well, you can try."

Jinyoung knows no matter how much he tries, he could never forget Lee Daehwi.

A car honks behind him, and they both turn around to see Jihoon and Guanlin inside the latter's BMW, Jihoon shouting at him to hurry up.

"Looks like your friends are here," Daehwi comments before turning to Jinyoung again. "But yeah, if anything I said before made you feel uncomfortable, then I want you to erase them in your head. I don't want you to remember me as that one kid who always bothers you all the goddamn time. I don't wanna be remembered that way."

"You make it sound like you're never coming back."

Daehwi just smiles at him, but it's one of those smiles Jinyoung can never quite pinpoint what they meant. A mixture of happiness, sadness, and fear.

"I might not be back for awhile," Daehwi shrugs. "I'll be in another continent starting tomorrow after all."

"Yeah," was all Jinyoung could manage to say. Starting tomorrow, Daehwi will be miles away. _Out of sight, out of mind,_ a voice in his head whispers. He hears the impatient honking of the car again, and Jinyoung doesn't have to turn around to know it's Jihoon. "Uh, I should go?"

"Oh, right. Right," Daehwi shakes his head in acknowledgment. "But Jinyoung..."

Jinyoung turns to him, waiting for him to continue.

"There's one thing I do hope you won't forget," Daehwi gives him one hopeful smile, and Jinyoung just can't find it in him to stop staring. "I meant what I said back then. That you're worth it. You'll always be worth it. Again, you won't be the one I'll be missing forever, if you weren't."

It's unfair how Daehwi can make him feel so much with just words, with just a smile, with just his entire existence. All he wants to do now was just pull him by the arm and hug him tight and never ever let him go. He doesn't want him to leave. He wants him to stay.  _He_ wants to stay. They could just run away together. Fuck college, fuck what his grandparents think, fuck what everybody thinks.

Jinyoung was, and still is so madly in love with Lee Daehwi, no matter how much he tries to push back all these feelings that just keep springing up.

But Jinyoung doesn't say that. Jinyoung doesn't do any of those. Instead, he stands up straight and looks at him in the eye. He smiles at him, this time with genuineness, this time without holding back. That's all he can give him. That's all he can ever give him.

Let this smile that he sends him bring along with it all the emotions that had piled up all these years to the other side of the world.

It's better to leave it this way, to leave everything this way. If he were to say something now, he'll only be bridging attachments.

Jinyoung has spent the entirety of his eighteen years avoiding ever getting attached to Daehwi, and he wasn’t going to start now. Not when he was leaving for Seoul to study law, and Daehwi was leaving for New York to study business.

He pats him in the shoulder, and whispers a quick goodbye, before walking on ahead, the words he had bottled up for years being pushed back down his throat for the nth time.

No attachments, no emotional pain.

Jinyoung may have climbed a few steps higher in the pyramid, but Daehwi was still just as unattainable as he had always been. He’ll always be unattainable, the gap probably even farther than the distance between Seoul and New York.

 

“I’ll miss you,” Daehwi says after Jinyoung’s engine starts roaring, but Jinyoung catches it.

 _I’ll miss you too._ He pretends he doesn't hear it.

*

 

“Mom,” Jinyoung’s cheery voice greets the other end of the line. “I spy with my little eye…a dashing young man in his twenties, holding a test paper with full marks.”

_“Oh my, my, my. Did my son really do that? But of course, my wonderfully bright son took after his wise mother, after all. You’ll make a very good prosecutor, that I am sure.”_

Jinyoung laughs, his breath making a puff of cold air out into the December morning traffic. He shoves his hands deeper into his coat’s pockets as he walks back to his car, a Chevrolet he had managed to save up on. “Can you make yukgaejang tonight, mom? And tteokbokki!”

 _“Yes, yes,”_ his mother laughs back. _“Anything for my favorite son.”_

“Mom, I’m your only son,” he chuckles as he fishes for his keys inside the mayhem that is his backpack. “Just say I’m your favorite child. I won’t tell noona about it—“

Jinyoung stops in his tracks, jolted by surprise of recognition.

_“I heard there’s gonna be a mild blizzard some time tonight, so make sure you hurry back, okay?”_

“Yeah, yeah,” he steers clear from the direction of his car and moves towards the opposite. “Listen, mom, I got to go. I’ll call you later. Bye, love you!”

He sees him, that familiar mop of dark hair, across his path some few yards or so ahead of him.

_Was that Lee Daehwi?_

His fringe was now longer. His outfit was simple—flannel shirt, black v-neck underneath, ripped jeans. He looks like every other college student in the area, yet there was still that undeniable touch of class.

It’s been three years since he last saw him, high school graduation on top of that.  _Nothing wrong with saying hello, right?_

“Daehwi!” Jinyoung shouts as he got nearer.

He freezes at the sound of his name, and slowly turns around, waiting calmly, with no pretense of welcome, while he walked up to him.

“Hello, Jinyoung.”

“It’s been a long time.”

“Yeah, it has,” he agrees.

“You’re enrolled here as a student?” The question comes off foolishly rhetorical, but Jinyoung just feels the need to say something. Obviously he was. He had an armload of textbooks. “I just assumed that you would finish up in NYC. Didn’t really, you know, expect to see you here in more or less two more years? I mean, it’s not that I don’t want to see you here, it’s just—“

Daehwi cuts him with a smile. “Don’t worry, I know what you mean. It just felt lonely there, living by myself. I miss the old folks, and Seonho. Grandma’s not feeling so well these days too so I wanna be there for her.”

“How long have you been here?”

“Since the semester started,” Daehwi adjusts his scarf, his nose now a bright pink. “Although I’m taking up mass communication now, instead of business. How about you? You go in Seoul University too?”

“Yeah, I study law.”

Daehwi’s eyes seem to haze then, and Jinyoung thinks it must be because of the weather. “You want to be a prosecutor? Like your father?”

Jinyoung nods with a smile.

His father had passed the bar exam three years ago, and had managed to pay off their remaining debt to the Lee’s with the money he had acquired during his first case. He had always been smart; money was the only hindrance to his education then that he had trouble finishing law school. His hard work did eventually pay off after graduating. It didn’t take long before his dad had become a prominent figure in the courtroom and in the world of justice. Soon enough, cases after cases piled and he won each and every one of them.

Jinyoung saw his father as a hero he wanted to be like someday, and life had been so much easier since then.

They didn’t have to worry about money. They had enough to pay for bills. They had enough to build their own suburban house in downtown Seoul. They had enough to eat out in luxurious restaurants once in a while. It was everything Jinyoung had ever wished for since he was a kid, and even more.

“I see life’s been well for you these days?” Daehwi inquires. “I saw your dad on TV once. On a hearing. He looked really cool.”

“Yeah, really hard to follow on his footsteps but I’ll try.”

“I know you’ll do well,” Daehwi pats him in the back before moving past him. “Well, I got to go. I wish you every success, Jinyoung. Goodbye now.”

“Are you headed to class?” he asks, reluctant to say goodbye.

“No, I’m on my way to the library.”

“Could I buy you a cup of coffee?”

“No, thank you,” Daehwi says simply.

Jinyoung tries not to show how rebuffed he feels. He backs away a step. “Well, take care.”

“You do the same. Goodbye.”

“Wait,” Jinyoung stops him by the arm. “You’re okay, right? We’re okay?”

Daehwi gently peels his hold off of him, his cotton gloves tickling Jinyoung’s bare hands. “Yeah, I’m doing okay. We’re okay, I guess. Why wouldn't we be?” he smiles at him but it doesn’t reach his eyes.

It feels off. Daehwi feels off, but Jinyoung doesn't say anything else.

He turns and continues on his way, leaving Jinyoung standing there and gazing after him, coping with his disappointment. It’s been years but he still feels the same. Lee Daehwi still has him wrapped around his finger, three years after he had last him and probably still the next years after. That warmth of first love still lingers somewhere in his chest, and how Daehwi had just brushed him off like today leaves a bitter taste in his mouth.

_But isn't that what you used to do to him before too?_

Jinyoung clicks his tongue before turning back towards where his car was parked.

_Damn, he wishes he hadn’t seen him today._

 

Jinyoung comes home to a relatively normal December night. His mother had cooked him yukgaejang like she promised, his sister came home with news of her writing a column for the local tabloid, and his father had arrived at seven PM, like he usually does.

Only difference this time is that his father was on the local news as they sat down for supper, being interviewed for his new, and possibly biggest case yet, and Jinyoung wishes he had heard him wrong.

“The Lee’s had been involved in illegal activities for a long period of time now. This much I can testify for I have worked under their wing for more than two decades of my life,” his father had said over the dozens of mics and cameras that surrounded him. “I may have served them, but in the world of law, there is no such thing as attachments. I will see to it that they will pay for the price of their crimes.”

 

 

***

 

“In the world of law, there is no such thing as attachments,” Jinyoung mumbles, as he sways his shotglass filled to the brim with amber liquid. “Do you believe in that Guanlin?”

“Jinyoung,” Guanlin calls from behind him.

He swings his chair to face him. “Hey, fancy having a drink with me? Beats to drink by myself at such a fine night such as today.”

“That’s why I told you to come to alumni night with us,” Guanlin shoots brusquely. “We still have time so let’s—“

“Nah. I’m not going there. So much nostalgia, I could never handle any of that.”

“Daehwi’s there.”

Jinyoung pauses for a moment, before letting out a low chuckle. “All the more reason not to go,” he says before chucking down his drink. “Look, you go on ahead. Enjoy the evening. I’m sure Jihoon’s wai—“ he’s cut off by the sound of his phone ringing.

  _Ah, speak of the devil._

“Hello there, pal. If you’re just gonna reprimand me and tell me to come to that stupid reunion, well you got another thing coming because—“

_“Who the fuck cares if you come here or not?! Lee Daehwi is missing, goddammit!”_

The alcohol suddenly drains out of Jinyoung’s system. “What?”

_“He’s been gone for more than four hours now! We searched all over Gangnam but he’s nowhere to be found! The assholes over here said they overheard him saying he wanted to jump off a bridge or something like that—“_

Jinyoung ends the call and shoves his shot glass at Guanlin.

“What’s going on?” he asks a bit panicked, seeing how his friend was acting. “Was that Jihoon? What did he say?”

“You brought your car?”

Guanlin blinks. “Uh, yeah. The BMW.”

“Give me the keys,” Jinyoung demands, his hands fidgety and restless. He hasn’t felt this scared in so long. “The _asshole_ ran away again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter 5 may take awhile but i'll try to have it up soon. thanks for reading! <3


	5. five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not proofread thoroughly as usual but enjoy <3

Daehwi doesn’t come home to an empty apartment like he had expected.

“Oh, hyung! You’re home!” Seonho beams at him, lips smeared with barbecue sauce as he finishes what appears to be his sixth or seventh drumstick, considering the number of bones now stacked on the plate in front of him.

Daehwi takes off his scarf and hangs it on the rack by the doorframe. He turns to the living room questioningly, Seonho sitting on the floor as he munches on a new piece of chicken and Daniel who was lying on the couch, busy talking to somebody on the phone. The television is showing reruns of Running Man and Seonho laughs everytime Kwangsoo comes up on the screen with something stupid. It looks like every weekend spent inside Daehwi’s apartment.

Except unlike every normal weekend in his apartment, there are three gift baskets filled up with groceries and five ginormous bags that were from famous foreign clothing lines on his coffee table, staring right back at him.

“What the heck are those?” Daehwi questions, eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“Oh, presents,” Daniel answers as he puts down his phone, giving Daehwi that smile that sticks out his two front teeth and makes him look like a bunny. “Seonho called me this morning saying you got promoted. What kind of friend am I if I won’t congratulate you, right?”

“I said I got promoted, _not married_ ,” Daehwi sighs, trying to push back the gnawing feeling in his gut for lying to his younger brother.

It’s not like he _really_ lied. Being able to shoot a documentary about one of the biggest stars of this generation was definitely a big break, his biggest one yet. It does sound like a promotion, except now there was no documentary that needs shooting because said biggest star hates him to the core and won’t even look him in the eye, but it’s not like he can tell Seonho that, especially with him being so happy about it.

Daehwi picks up a gift basket, “What the fuck am I supposed to do with all these? These are enough to feed a family of four for a _month_. This house only holds _two_ people, Kang Daniel.”

“Seonho’s appetite is equivalent to three people, Hwi. You’ll manage,” Daniel gets up from his spot on the couch and walks towards Daehwi, towering over him. He musses his hair, “Besides, Seongwoo wanted to give you those. I know you’d be mad if _I_ bought you stuff.”

“Seongwoo hyung is back?” Daehwi’s face suddenly lights up at the mention of Daniel’s fiance, slapping Daniel’s hand away from his hair. “Since when?”

“One, _ow_. Two, last night. Right on time for alumni night tonight,” Daniel answers, and Daehwi’s mood immediately shifts at the mention of the event. Daniel notices. “You’re going right?”

“Mmm, maybe. Maybe not. I don’t know,” Daehwi answers through gritted teeth.

“ _Daehwi_.”

“ _He_ might be there, okay? He doesn’t wanna see me, and I don’t wanna see him. So it’s better to avoid the _one_ place where we are most likely to bump into each other,” Daehwi presses. “Plus in a place full of alcohol and people from highschool and fucking nostalgia, uh _no, thank you_.”

Daniel squints, as if he’s trying to remember, “Who is this _he_ you are referring to again?”

“ _Jesus Christ, Kang Daniel_.”

“Are you talking about Bae Jinyoung?” Seonho inquires, chugging down on a can of cola. Daehwi visibly freezes, forgetting that his younger brother had been listening to his and Daniel’s conversation. “The one Daehwi hyung liked since forever?”

“ _No_ , and Seonho, why are you still here? Don’t you have classes today?” Daehwi tries to divert the conversation, but Seonho just raises an eyebrow at him.

“I’m about to go now, but I just wanna ask why are you still so affected, hyung? You haven’t seen him in what? Seven years? If you’ve really moved on, then you wouldn’t mind seeing him again.”

“Wow,” Daniel lets out after a whistle. “Right on, Seonho.”

Daehwi just rubs his nose bridge, “It’s not _that_ , Seonho. Oh, just go. You’ll be late for class again.”

“I just wanna make sure you’ve really moved on, okay?” Seonho says as he picks up his bagpack from the floor and puts on his uniform blazer. “I already have a bucket list of things I wanna do with Woojin hyung as my brother-in-law. I can’t let my bro lose.”

Daehwi’s face flares up immediately, “Seonho, for the nth time, Woojin is _not_ my boyfriend.”

“Can’t fool me. I saw him kiss you on the cheek last week. And the week before that. And the week before that week too,” Seonho shrugs as he makes his way to the door. Daehwi feels all of his blood rush towards his face, suddenly feeling hot even with the airconditioner on. “Well, I gotta go. Niel hyung, I expect you to update me with deets later,” Seonho salutes at him as he goes out of the apartment.

Daniel salutes back, “You can count on me, dude. Bye bye, enjoy that education!”

“Oh my god, what am I gonna do with you two?” Daehwi groans as he makes his way into the couch and lies down, face buried in the throw pillows. He wants to sleep away everything that had happened earlier this morning, but it comes back to haunt him every second.

 _“I missed you,”_ Jinyoung’s voice rings in his head, the memory still fresh, _“Goddamit, I missed you so much. Why did you leave me, Hwi?”_

Daehwi misses him too. He misses him so much even when seeing Jinyoung opens up the old scars that he had been trying to stitch up for years. The years he had spent trying to mend every broken part of him, all of those years down the drain the moment Jinyoung had told him he missed him. Daehwi absentmindedly runs a finger down his lips, the ghost of Jinyoung’s own still feels so alive that it burns him.

Seven years. Daehwi had been running away for seven years, but all it took were three words to pull him right back to the place he had tried to run away from. Bae Jinyoung was the epitome of everything he had tried to get away from, but now he’s back to where he had left off.

But a pang in his chest tells him that maybe Daehwi never really left. Maybe Daehwi does still go back to the faded memories he has of Jinyoung. He had ran away, but Daehwi left his heart with him. It’s still with him, no matter how hard he tries to get it back.

“Okay, tell me what’s up,” Daniel says, plopping down on the chair next to the couch. “You told me you were cool with going since Jinyoung hasn’t showed up in a single alumni night for seven years. What made you back out all of a sudden?”

“I met up with him earlier.”

“What.”

“The promotion I told Seonho,” Daehwi gets up from his lying position slowly, “I was about to get fired but I saw Jihoon when Woojin and I went out drinking, and he offered to have me be the producer for Jinyoung’s documentary film. I took the job.”

“ _What_.”

“I was about to lose my job, okay! I was cornered!” Daehwi tries to explain. “So, I really had no choice but to accept it. Went to his place earlier today, and it’s safe to say he hates me. We didn’t have a proper closure.”

“My friend, I am completely lost,” Daniel admits, face scrunched up. “Did you ever even interacted back in high school? Heck, all I know was that you had the biggest crush on him ever since he carried you home back when you were in grade school because you scraped your knee, but the boy was a whole asshole and wouldn’t even say three words a sentence when he talks to you.”

Daehwi sighs, “Uh, we had….something. For a short while. Three years after high school graduation. But things got complicated at that time so I had to leave.”

“And how come _I_ don’t know this story?” Daniel looks at him in disbelief. “So you’re saying you had this mutual affection before with one of Korea’s hottest stars at the moment? And you had no plans on telling me this? What the fuck, Lee Daehwi?”

“Because I don’t wanna talk about it, okay? It’s hard for me to talk about it. It involves my grandfather,” Daehwi purses his lips together, the images of the past he tried to forget playing on his head like a broken record. “I’ll tell you next time, I promise. Just not now.”

“Hey, no pressure, kid,” Daniel offers a comforting hand on Daehwi’s small back and soft smile. “Just tell me when you’re ready. I understand.”

“Do you think he’ll be there tonight?” Daehwi mutters. “Jinyoung, I mean. At alumni night.”

“Hm, I doubt. It’d cause mass hysteria if we got a Hallyu star in the area,” Daniel shrugs, standing up. “So I’m assuming you plan on going tonight?”

Daehwi pouts, “I’m just going there for the food.”

Daniel scrunches his face, “Oh, come on, what about your homosexual agenda? Tons of potential life partners in the area. Eh?” he teases as he nudges Daehwi with his shoulder. Daehwi just rolls his eyes.

“ _Ew_ , no thanks. I’m good with my status in life at the moment, thank you very much.”

“Oh right, you already have Woojin,” Daniel laughs right as the doorbell rings along with a loud ‘ _Daehwi, are you home?’._ Daniel turns to Daehwi with a knowing look on his face. "Ah, speak of the devil. Your boyfriend's here."

"Oh god, not you too," Daehwi runs a hand on his face, "How many times do I have to tell you guys that Woojin and I are not an item. We're _just friends_."

"Not even mutual understanding? Mutual affection?"

"Again, _just_ friends."

"I saw you kissing the night before—"

"I think it's time for you to leave, hyung," Daehwi immediately cuts him off and pushes Daniel towards the door, face a tint of pink. "I'll text you when I'm on my way to Lotus tonight."

Daehwi opens the door and comes face to face with Woojin who was about to put the phone on his ear. Daniel grins like a Cheshire cat, and Daehwi fights the urge to smack him on the face.

"Oh, so you were home. You didn't open the door so I thought you weren't," Woojin says as he shoves his phone back into his jeans' right pocket. He turns to Daniel with a smile. "Hi, Niel hyung."

"What's up kiddo?" Daniel offers his fist and Woojin bumps his own, and then proceeds with their cheesy friendship handshake or whatever they call it. Daehwi fights the urge to roll his eyes.

"Well, I gotta go now," Daniel announces as he steps back, pulling out his car keys from his backpocket and twirls them with his fingers. "See y'all later, okay? Daehwi, text me," he reminds as he walks away backwards, fingers pointing at Daehwi. Daehwi waves him goodbye until Daniel was inside the elevator and out of sight.

"What does he mean by ' _see y'all later_ '? Is there some party I wasn't invited to?" Woojin jokes as the two make their way back inside Daehwi's apartment.

"Alumni night," Daehwi answers as he sits back down on the couch and turns on the television. "You're not coming?"

"Oh, I forgot that was tonight too. No, I can't. I have a meeting with the board at seven," Woojin says from the kitchen, pouring himself a glass of water, easily finding where the glasses were placed.

Woojin knows where the things are around Daehwi's apartment probably more than Daehwi himself, considering he practically lives here since he visits almost everyday. Usually when he picks up Daehwi on his way to work, and when he drives him home. Sometimes Woojin just drops by randomly when he's got nothing to do. Often times he sleeps on Daehwi's sofa when they have movie marathons that last until morning.

This is why a lot of people mistook them to be dating. Daehwi's home had become Woojin's too, and Daehwi's okay with that. His home wasn't just the apartment. Home now is in Seonho and Woojin. He feels comfortable around the latter so much that he doesn't mind how they are now, Woojin sat on the sofa and Daehwi lying his head on his lap.

"Can't you just skip it?" Daehwi pouts. "I don't wanna be bummed out at the party by myself. I'll look so sad."

"Sorry, but I can't skip now or my dad's gonna skin me alive. I already ditched last week's meeting, that's why they rescheduled it to tonight."

Daehwi pinches Woojin's thigh, and the latter yelps in pain. Daehwi gets up and hits him in the arm. "Why'd you skip that one? Look at the consequences of your dumb actions!"

"The fuck? Did you forget that I skipped that one when you were drunk to insanity and I had to look for you for three hours, only to find you passed out inside the public library," Woojin reminds him, eyebrow raised and arms crossed.

Daehwi lets out an embarassed chuckle, the memory of him screaming about God and conspiracy theories about the bible in front of college students studying for exams playing in his head clearly. The sudden regret that floods over his entire being makes Daehwi wanna go hide inside a cave for a month. "Haha, oh right. Right. Sorry."

"So," Woojin starts. The television is blaring a noontime melodrama Daehwi has forgotten the title to, but it's not like the both of them were paying attention to it. "Jihoon told me you and Jinyoung ran off. What happened?"

"Things. Things happened, Woojin."

"I'm not a seer, Daehwi. You need to elaborate further than that," Woojin shoots back. "You two must've had an argument, considering Jihoon said Jinyoung was fuming when he got back. Without you."

"That asshole ditched me in the middle of the road. I should be the one fuming, _what the fuck?"_ Daehwi exclaims in disbelief. "Also, I wouldn't call it an argument. We just talked and then—"

"And then?"

"He...kissed me."

Woojin immediately swings his head to his side, "What the fuck were you two even talking about for him to kiss you _and then_ leave you in the middle of the goddamn road?"

"He said he missed me," Daehwi answers, playing with his fingers. "And he asked me why I left him then."

Silence stretches over them, and for once, Woojin doesn't say anything. It's a heavy kind of silence, a silence that's too quiet that it seems too loud.

Another reason why people mistook him and Woojin to be dating was because Woojin likes Daehwi, and Daehwi knows. He's known right from the start. Woojin hasn't said anything to anybody, but he doesn't have to. Daehwi, and everyone else, sees it clearly in everything he does. They see it in his eyes, in his hands that hold his hand and ruffle his hair, in his mouth that let out words that bear too much.

Daehwi sees it in the way Woojin sits up straight and turns to Daehwi with a face that he can't quite read but in a way feels like he gets it. He sees it in his words when Woojin asks him, "Do you still like him?"

Daehwi doesn't answer, and Woojin seems like he doesn't need it because he already knows. Daehwi feels a sick sensation in his gut. Regret. Guilt.

Woojin has been there for him right from the start, before and after his life had fallen and crumbled. He was the one who stayed. He was the one who held on to him no matter how much Daehwi had tried to push him away. While the rest of the world had turn their backs on him, Woojin faced him with that blindingly bright smile and offered a hand to help him get up from where he had fallen.

It's not hard to fall for Woojin. The sun-kissed boy was attractive, unique physical features and that cute snaggletooth that pops out whenever he smiles at Daehwi widely and everything else that made Woojin _Woojin_. He was also kind, _too_ kind. He gives more of himself to others so much that he barely leaves anything for himself. Woojin was beautiful, and good-hearted, and talented, and funny, and smart, and just overall everything this fucked-up world doesn’t deserve.

And he loves Daehwi.

He loves Daehwi, and that should be enough of a reason to fall for him too, but Daehwi knows his heart. Even when he pulls Woojin in for a kiss when he’s both sober and drunk, he seeks for somebody else’s lips against his. When Woojin holds his hand, he thinks about how that other person’s hand would fit his just as perfectly too. When Woojin pulls him close and engulfs him in a hug, Daehwi brings his face close to his chest and imagines how Jinyoung’s heartbeat would sound like if he hugged him too.

Daehwi feels terrible for doing this to Woojin. It’s not like he was leading him on. Daehwi had told him right from the start that he’s still so fucking in love with Jinyoung and he’ll probably never love anyone as much as he loves him, and Woojin told him it’s okay. It’s okay to kiss him and hold his hand and hug him tight when Daehwi feels lonely because one day, maybe Daehwi would soon forget. Maybe one day, Daehwi would look back on his memories with Jinyoung and no longer feel anything. Maybe one day that affection, that love, would divert to Woojin. Maybe one day, Daehwi would stop loving Jinyoung because he’s all that he sees now. Woojin gave him full permission to use him, but that doesn’t mean Daehwi should take it.

But he already had, and the guilt and regret that gnaws him from within makes him feel sick, because Woojin deserves someone better. Someone who can actually love him back.

“Do you plan on getting back together?” Woojin suddenly asks, “I mean, you two never dated, but you get what I mean. Pick up where you last left off. He told you he misses you. Heck, he even kissed you because he missed you that much. I think Jinyoung still likes you, Hwi.”

Daehwi remains mum.

“And you…you still like him too.”

Daehwi doesn’t answer. He doesn’t have to, and he doesn’t want to. He knows he still does. He never stopped, but he can never say that out loud. Because words weighed more. Words are something he can never take back when said, and words could hurt the one boy who had given him more love than what he deserves.

“Maybe this is the universe’s way of telling you guys that you still have another chance to continue your story,” Woojin smiles at him, but Daehwi can see the way his eyes haze as they look down the tiled floor of Daehwi’s apartment for a second. “A second chance.”

“It’s not….look, he doesn’t like me anymore, okay?” Daehwi tries to say, even when he feels too much at the moment. “It was just a spur of the moment. He hates me.”

“Nobody could ever hate you, Hwi.”

“Hah, tell that to the staff of Andromeda, CEO Park Woojin,” Daehwi snorts. “You know what, let’s stop talking about this. Whatever Jinyoung and I had before, it’s history now. I’ll wait for Jihoon’s update on the documentary filming. If we’re still gonna push through it, I’ll just try to be civil with him. We’re only seeing each other again for work anyway.”

Woojin hums and mutters a quick ‘okay’, before lying his head on Daehwi’s lap. “Whatever you think feels right, then I’ll support it. If you ever feel uncomfortable with him on set, I’m immediately pulling you out of the project, okay? Who cares what Kahi says, I still have the word.”

Daehwi clicks his tongue, “Abuse of power.”

“Hey, I just want what’s best for you, okay?”

Daehwi smiles as he plays with Woojin’s hair. He thinks how lovely would it have been if he had fallen for Woojin instead, if he just pushed Jinyoung out of his mind, out of his heart forever and just love Woojin back. Maybe he’d be happier, maybe Woojin would be happier too.

But that’s just how love and life works. It doesn’t always go the way you want it to.

Daehwi and Woojin spend the rest of the afternoon watching Marvel movies as they’re hunched over the couch, devouring pizza slices and throwing shitty dad jokes. Woojin spends the rest of the afternoon being the perfect boyfriend Daehwi could have had, but knows he doesn’t deserve. Daehwi spends the rest of the afternoon thinking about what-if’s.

What if he never left seven years ago? Would things have turned out differently for them?

 

***

 

Here’s the thing about reunion parties: you _never_ go home without taking a shot or two of alcohol.

Woojin drives Daehwi to Lotus, the bar Daniel owns where the alumni night venue had been set, around seven in the evening, but with the way the crowd idling outside were acting, dancing like any ounce of shame had jumped out of their bodies and the slurred shouts that have been thrown around, Daehwi guesses the party’s already in full swing.

“Your hair’s a mess,” Woojin comments after he parks the car out front the bar. “I told you to not open the window.”

“I wanted natural ventilation. Sue me.”

Woojin rolls his eyes and unbuckles his seatbelt, before moving out the car and jogging up towards Daehwi’s side, opening the door for him. Daehwi steps out of Woojin’s car, but before Daehwi could move away, Woojin pulls him by the arm.

“What—“

“Just stay still,” Woojin simply tells him, moving his fingers on Daehwi’s fringe. He fixes his hair, the close proximity making it hard for Daehwi to breathe but he lets him. Woojin stops, and cups up Daehwi’s face to meet his eyes. Woojin beams at him. “There you go.”

“You could’ve just let it be. I’m not trying to impress anyone here,” Daehwi huffs, but Woojin doesn’t reply back. Daehwi catches him smile at him softly, eyes never leaving his. “Uh, what? Is there something on my face?”

“You look beautiful, Hwi.”

Words like these should flutter his heart. Words like this should make his heart skip a beat, make his face burn and go red, but they don’t. Instead, they make Daehwi feel guilt.

So, so much guilt.

Daehwi playfully shoves Woojin away, “Oh, shut up.”

Woojin just throws his head back laughing. “Anyway, just text me if you want me to pick you up, okay? The meeting’s probably gonna last for hours, but I think I can go out for a bit to fetch you up and drive you home.”

“Oh god, no, Woojin. There’s no need,” Daehwi immediately shoots back. “I can just hitch with Daniel. Or I’ll probably just hail a cab. I don’t plan on staying long. Just greet a few people I haven’t seen in a while, and drink a few.”

“Hm, alright, but text me when you’re going home, okay?” Woojin reminds him before turning around to hop back inside his car. He pulls down the window of the passenger seat, and leans in. “And don’t drink too much!”

Daehwi snorts, before pulling his hand for a mock salute. “Yes sir.”

Woojin starts the engine, and Daehwi’s about to head inside when Woojin suddenly calls out to him, “And Daehwi, I…”

Daehwi turns to him, waiting for him to continue. There’s a short moment of silence for a while, with Woojin just staring at Daehwi. Woojin shakes his head, a small smile on his lips.

“Nevermind. Enjoy the party,” Woojin waves goodbye before driving away. Whatever Woojin had wanted to say then, Daehwi thinks it’s better left unsaid instead of unanswered.

Daehwi heads inside, and like he had predicted, the party was already in full swing even at this early hour of the evening. Lotus was the biggest bar in Gangnam, the space wide enough to accommodate big reunion parties such as this, but not too big and intimidating for little chats and catching-up’s.  
Daehwi tries to navigate his way through the crowd, his old schoolmates too drunk out of their wits dancing to some popular electronic dance music the DJ in charge was playing. The neon disco lights that were the only things that illuminated the area, made him dizzy but he continues walking. He spots a few people who he had conversed with in highschool, telling them quick hello’s and how-are-you’s, Daehwi not really in the mood for more human interaction than intended.

It takes him a while, but he finally spots Daniel who had just taken off his shirt after losing a round of strip uno, but he walks away from the crowd that had been watching the match like he was the winner instead, flexing his muscles as he heads towards where Daehwi stood, arms crossed. Daehwi fights the eyeroll coming in.

“My buddy ol’ pal, my chum! You came! I told you to text me, didn’t I?” Daniel says in a slur, as a waiter hands him a tall glass of what seems to be Mojito. “What’s up?”

“Uh, I _did_ text you. I sent you like fifteen messages, but you didn’t even read a single one of them,” Daehwi shoots. Daniel reaches for his phone inside the pocket of his jeans, and scrolls down for a bit before giving him a shrug. Daehwi continues, “And I just came by to say, _hey I’m here_. I’m gonna ransack your dessert bar now and then leave after I’m sure I’ve gained at least a pound.”

“Boo, you’re no fun. Join the games. Grab a bottle,” Daniel says before stopping a waiter who was about to pass by them with a tray of drinks. Daniel takes a red solo cup filled to the brim. “Here.”

Daehwi shakes his head but Daniel is already shoving the cup towards him. “Fine, but just one cup.” He drinks the shot straight up, his throat burning immediately. He tastes rum and something he definitely hasn’t tried before. He wasn’t that much of a lightweight when it comes to drinking. He just has his limits and he was never fond of its taste in the first place.

“Is that Jihoon?” Daniel suddenly asks, almost making Daehwi choke in startlement.

“ _What_.”

“Over there,” Daniel says as he points at the side of the bar where the circular-like couch was at, or what Daniel calls ‘The Knight’s Round Table’. Daehwi squints through the neon lights and the crowd of people passing by in front of him, and there he sees him. Daehwi immediately pales.

Jihoon throws his head back laughing, the cup he’s holding spills a little on the carpeted floor. Daehwi catches the ragged movements and assumes he was definitely tipsy.

“Do you think he’s alone?” Daehwi asks, although what he really wanted to say was, _do you think Jinyoung’s here too?_

“Let’s go check,” Daniel simply says, and before Daehwi could even protest, he pulls him by the arm and drags him to where Jihoon was at, playing spin the bottle with a few of their classmates in highschool. Daehwi lets out the breath he didn’t realize he was holding when he doesn’t see the one person he really doesn’t wanna meet at the moment.

Jihoon sees them before Daniel and Daehwi reach them. He gives them a big grin, “Daniel, Daehwi, what’s up?”

“Hey man, it’s been a while,” Daniel offers a hand and Jihoon shakes it, “You alone tonight? Guanlin didn’t come with you?”

Jihoon takes a quick glance at Daehwi who visibly jolts up at the sudden eye contact, before turning to Daniel to answer, “Nah, he’s busy babysitting Jinyoung. He also doesn’t like parties like these so I left the two alone back at Jinyoung’s house. Although knowing those two, they probably went out drinking too,” he says before taking a shot of whisky.

“Oh good, then can I leave Daehwi with you then?” Daniel asks, and Daehwi immediately turns to him, face scrunched up. “I need to cater the other guests. You know how it is, being the host of the party and all.”

“It’s fine,” Jihoon answers. Daniel shouts a quick thanks before running back to where they had played strip uno before. Daehwi couldn’t fucking believe him, but Jihoon was already pulling him by the hand and telling him to sit down next to where he sat on the floor. Daehwi complies wordlessly.

“We’re playing truth or dare. I’m pretty sure you already know the mechanics. If the bottle’s tip lands at your direction, you answer a question or you do a dare. If you fail to do so, you take a shot,” one of the people who were sitting across from him explains, who Daehwi realizes was Sungwoon from Daniel’s class. “Sound good?”

“Hm, yeah.”

“Okay then, let’s start,” Sungwoon announces before he spins the wine bottle on the tiled floor. It takes a while before it lands in front of Minhyun who immediately groans in annoyance. Jaehwan, who was sitting beside him, laughs hysterically, a bit too much that he starts tearing up.

“Uh, dare,” Minhyun says.

Sungwoon grins at him like a Cheshire cat as he pours alcohol on a shotglass. “I dare you…to play seven minutes in heaven with Jaehwan inside that janitor’s closet over—“

Sungwoon isn’t even finished talking when Minhyun takes the shotglass from him and chugs it all down, and that’s saying something since Minhyun hates alcohol. The group laughs boisterously, as Jaehwan all but pouts and Minhyun’s coughing crazily beside him.

“Hey, do you not want to be left alone with me? We can just play rock, paper, scissors while we wait for seven minutes to be up. It’ll be fun,” Jaehwan tells him.

Minhyun stares at him incredulously before shoving the shotglass back at Sungwoon, “I think I need another round. Hit me up.”

The game continues, with guffaws growing louder and giggles growing shriller. Everyone’s buzzed now, some of them simply choosing not to do the dare or answer the truth just so they can have an excuse to drink. This is probably the sixteenth spin now, Daehwi has lost count and he didn’t bother keeping tabs.

“So mind explaining what happened earlier this morning?” Jihoon whispers beside him, “You two just left, what was that about? Where’d you two go?”

“He…just left me at my old apartment because he didn’t know my current address. It’s really nothing, Jihoon,” Daehwi responds, eyes not leaving the bottle that was spinning in front of them.

“Okay, but that doesn’t explain why he came back home face all flushed and damp,” Jihoon says nonchalantly but they hit Daehwi hard.

_Did Jinyoung cry too?_

Was that even possible? Is someone like Bae Jinyoung even capable of shedding actual tears, not the tears he shed when he acts? Much more shed tears for someone like Lee Daehwi? Does a universe where Jinyoung cries because of Daehwi even exist? Is Daehwi actually existing in a universe where that is possible?

“Anyway, I’m sorry for his rude behavior earlier. I’ll talk to him again. We’re still doing the shoot with you, right? You’re not backing out?” Jihoon asks him. Daehwi can’t seem to find his voice so he simply nods as a response. “Great. I knew I could count on you to be professional.”

The bottle stops spinning and it lands in front of Jihoon, the latter immediately cursing his luck.

“Truth,” Jihoon claims confidently.

Donghan, who had spun the bottle, smirks. Daehwi vaguely remembers seeing Donghan and Jihoon make out in an abandoned classroom back in sophomore year. He knows they dated for a short while in high school. “Okay, everyone here knows you and Lai Guanlin have been a thing since highschool. So…”

Jihoon quirks up a brow, “So?”

“Does he kiss you better than I do?”

“Oooooooh,” the other people immediately exclaim, the loudest coming from Hyunbin who immediately high-fives Yongguk who was sitting beside him.

“Well?” Donghan prompts, holding up a shotglass filled with whisky.

“Fuck you, Kim Donghan,” Jihoon spits before taking the shotglass from him and drinks it all up in one go. He shoves the glass back at Donghan before holding down the bottle and spinning it. “Now it’s my turn.”

Jihoon spun it too harshly that it zooms out from the center but it slows down and stops right in front of Daehwi. With the way everyone was looking up at him with curious eyes and that huge smirk plastered on Jihoon’s face, it’s safe to say he’s fucked.

Daehwi sighs, “Truth.”

“Hm,” Jihoon hums, acting like he’s thinking hard about it. “Oh, I know.”

_He’s gonna fucking ask about Jinyoung. He’s definitely gonna ask about Jinyoung. I should fucking take the whisky shotglass now. I’m not answering anything that has to do with Jinyoung—_

“Are you and Woojin dating?”

Daehwi blinks at him, “What?”

“You can’t answer my question with a question too, Hwi. I asked you if you were dating Woojin,” Jihoon repeats. “I saw you two when you just arrived tonight, and when we saw each other at that yukgaejang shop too. You looked cute together.”

“Oh my god, no,” Daehwi immediately answers. “No, Woojin and I are just friends.”

“Really? Hm, that’s good to hear then. I can’t afford my boy losing,” Jihoon tells him. Daehwi stares at him in confusion, but Jihoon just smiles at him. “Spin the bottle, Hwi.”

“Uh, okay,” but just as he was about to take the bottle, he feels his phone vibrate in his pocket. He takes it out and sees Kahi calling him. He spins the bottle, but stands up immediately before it even stops at anybody. “I gotta take this call. Be back in a sec.”

“Sure, sure. Be back quick okay! We’re playing beer pong next,” Sungwoon tells him.

Daehwi excuses himself from the crowd, and makes his way outside the bar. He immediately accepts the call, “Uh, hello?”

_“Lee Daehwi, are you available at the moment?”_

“Uh, I’m in a reunion party but I think I can spare a moment. What’s up?”

_“Oh good. None of our field reporters were available at the moment. We just received intel that they spotted Shin Hyunwoo of Shin Enterprises in a drug exchange deal. Like right now.”_

“ _Right now?_ They’re still there?”

_“Our intel says so. He’s spying on them but he doesn’t have a camera phone with him so he can’t film them. I want you to go undercover there right now and take shots.”_

“Oh, okay then. What’s the address?” Daehwi takes out a slip of paper from his wallet and pulls out the pen he always has inside his jeans’ pockets. Kahi lays it down to him. “Wait, isn’t this under a bridge?”

_“Yeah. They’ve been doing it there for almost two months now apparently.”_

“Alright. If they catch me snooping around, I’ll just pretend to be some sad person ready to jump at that bridge and end my pathetic life.”

 _“Stop joking around and get the footage,”_ Kahi tells him before she ends the call. Daehwi stares at his phone in disbelief.

_You’re the one asking me for a favor and you do this to me, what the fuck?_

A cab parks in front of him right on time, and Daehwi steps inside. It only crosses his mind when he’s already in the middle of dowtown traffic that he had forgotten to tell Daniel and the rest that he was leaving, although he’s already told him he wasn’t planning on staying long. He thinks Daniel would have figured out he already went home because he was tired without Daehwi telling him.

_I mean, what could go wrong, right?_

 

***

 

Jinyoung hasn’t felt this kind of fear in so long.

The first time he experiences this was when he was nine, young and naïve and dumb enough to reenact the baseball game he had seen his father watch every Sunday morning right in front of his Jihoon’s mother’s fragile wineglass collection. The moment he had swung the bat too strong and it plummeted straight into the breakfast counter, he knew he was done for. No amount of apologies and no amount of reasoning as to why the kitchen was suddenly flooded with broken shards could save him from the wrath of Jihoon’s mother.

He knows those cost a lot. How was he gonna pay for all those? How was he gonna tell his mom he had committed a crime at the ripe age of nine? That was the first time he had ever felt so scared to the point that pictures of his short nine years in this world played on his head like someone had inserted his father’s home videos right into his brain.

He admits he was being unreasonably overdramatic then—Jihoon’s parents told him it was okay because it was an accident and would now laugh about it over dinner that it had become a casual joke shared from across the table— but he was experiencing just that again. Although this time, the pictures playing in his head were all memories he had shared with Daehwi, the memories he had tried to push back because those memories scared him. They scare him because they make him feel so much. They scare him because no matter how hard he tries to forget them, they just keep on coming back.

His head floods him with memories of the days when he also felt this kind of fear. The fear of losing something important. The fear of losing someone. His mind takes him back to the time he had almost lost Daehwi, and he wants it all to stop.

Jinyoung continues to drive downtown, the clock inside his car telling him it’s quarter past one. He speeds up towards the bridge Jihoon said someone told him they heard Daehwi mention.

He looks up at the sign overhead and it says ‘Banpo Bridge’. The bridge is long and wide and stretches all the way towards the other side of the city, but Jinyoung continues to search. He slows down to scan each and every face at the side of the bridge.

_He wouldn’t have thought of jumping, right?_

He continues to look, his eyes growing tired and heavy because of the lack of sleep and the alcohol on his system, but he tries not to let a single silhouette go pass him without checking if it was Daehwi. The worry that floods him was the only thing keeping him awake.

Just as he was about to speed his car up again, he sees a hunched figure leaning on the railing by the bridge. The figure just seemed to familiar that Jinyoung immediately stops his car and storms out of it.

“Lee Daehwi, are you _fucking_ crazy?!” Jinyoung screams in frustration and immediately regrets when the person turns around and turns out to be someone different.

“Whoa, aren’t you Bae Jinyoung?” The guy exclaims in bewilderment, jumping up and down. “Oh my god, I’m a huge fan! Can I get a picture with you?”

“Ah fuck,” Jinyoung immediately jogs back towards his car and drives away before he could cause more unnecessary attention. He only slows down his car when he’s sure the crazy fanboy was miles away now.

The clock now reads ten minutes past two in the morning, and Jinyoung bites down on his lips hard he tastes lead. He has scanned through almost the entirety of this vicinity already but Daehwi was still nowhere to be seen.

He stops shortly at the side of the road, and bumps his head hard on the stirring wheel, letting out screams of frustration. He lets his head stay hunched for awhile, trying to calm down and keep it together.

“What fucking bridge. Jihoon’s probably messing with me again. I’m a fool for believing him,” Jinyoung whispers under his breath, but when he lifts his head up, he sees him.

And this time, Jinyoung is sure it’s definitely Daehwi.

Jinyoung doesn’t move an inch. He watches him from his car, Daehwi just looking up at the inky night sky that spread out above him. Even with the distance, Daehwi still looks just as ethereal. He always had been so fucking beautiful before, and he still looks just amazing, or even more, now.

Daehwi seems fine. He doesn’t look like he’s troubled, so there was no need for Jinyoung to stay. He only came all the way here to look for him, and now that he has found him, Jinyoung’s job here was done. But Jinyoung can’t seem to find it in him to start the engine again and turn the steering wheel around.

And he knows it was the right thing for him to stay when he sees Daehwi climb up a step, and leans down the railings. _Lee Daehwi was about to fucking jump._

“Fuck,” Jinyoung immediately scrambles out of his car, the fear that had been gnawing him inside awhile ago resurfaces again but this time in full force.

_A loud honk. Somebody screaming his name. The blinding flash of headlights. Crash. Blood. Blood all of over the concrete road…._

Daehwi leans forward more, tiptoes barely touching the asphalt block he was standing on.

_Call 911. The ringing of the sirens. The stench of the hospital. Blood. More blood. Pressure dropping. Vitals unstable._

“I—“

“Are you fucking insane?!” Jinyoung screams as he pulls Daehwi by the arms and he stumbles down the block he had been standing on, and takes him a safe distance away from the edge of the bridge. Daehwi looks at him with wide eyes.

“Does life not mean anything to you?! Is it so fucking easy for you to die?!”

Daehwi doesn’t say anything and just continues to stare at him in bewilderment. Jinyoung kicks the concrete in frustration.

“Let’s film the goddamn documentary,” Jinyoung tells him breathlessly. “I’ll do it, you crazy fool!”

  
*

_When I was young, my mom used to take me to the church every Sunday, and made me pray a hundred prayers to God. She said God was somewhere out there, listening to all the prayers sent to Him, and I told her that He doesn’t exist. Nobody was out there listening to my prayers._

_So I refused to pray, and with that, I am sorry._

_Now, I would believe that He really does exist, and he really is somewhere out there, listening to all the prayers I sent him. So now I ask you, God, wherever you are…please let him live._

_If you let him live, I will give up all of my happiness. If you let him live, I will give up the rest of my life._

_You can take everything I have._

 

 

_Just let Daehwi live._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hopefully the writing style still matches my old one back in may. leave feedback on what u think abt the story so far <3 i'll try to update sooner. one chapter a week since i'll be busy with uni now.
> 
> if u have any questions just hmu on twt @jinhwi_twt or drop by my curiouscat! xxx


	6. six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took so long! here's an 8.5k chapter although im not sure if this is even worth the wait r i p im so sorry

_seven years ago_

 

_“Lee Daehwi? Oh, the one whose grandfather was on the news last night, right? No, he’s no longer registered in this university. He withdrew his enrollment just yesterday, probably already aware of  what was going to happen to his family.”_

 

Jinyoung is about to lose his mind.

The number the school registrar had given him wasn’t responding. Daehwi wasn’t picking up his phone, nor was he in his apartment here in Seoul. None of his classmates know of his whereabouts or have been in contact with him for the past twenty-four hours. He tried calling the gardener that worked at the Lee’s mansion in Busan but he said no one was home and the elder Lee’s along with Seonho had fled off to God knows where just the other day.

He’s been running all over the district of Daehwi’s apartment, hoping to find him just within the vicinity, but it has already been four hours since he had started his search and there hasn’t been a single trace of him anywhere.

Jinyoung wants to think nothing bad had happened to him, but it’s just so fucking hard.

He had wanted to believe that everything last night was nothing more than a dream, but reality slaps him right in the face when Park Woojin, someone Jinyoung knows was close with Daehwi back in highschool, calls him in the morning, asking if he had met up with Daehwi recently and if he had an inkling to where he might be.

Jinyoung won’t deny the fact that he had never taken a liking to Daehwi’s grandfather. Lee Hoorim was a man with a superiority complex. He puts himself high up on a pedestal, thinking anyone in a class lower than him are worth nothing. Jinyoung had gotten used to it; the eighteen years he had spent living under his scrutinizing gaze had made him numb, and he thought it was the same for his family too.

So when he found out that his parents had been digging dirt under the Lee’s name all this time surprised him, how they waited for how many years for the right time to strike and how everything in their long-time plan had seemingly fallen into place perfectly, but it wasn’t Lee Hoorim who Jinyoung was worried about. Fuck whatever happens to him, Jinyoung didn’t give the slightest care.

He was more worried about Daehwi.

Jinyoung knows Daehwi was close with his grandfather. His parents had died when he was still young, and his grandparents had raised him ever since then. His grandfather had treated him like a prince, like he was the eighth wonder of the world. Daehwi was after all his heir. Everything that he owns would soon be under Daehwi’s name. If the old Lee was an asshole to everybody else, he had a soft spot towards his eldest grandson.

So Jinyoung knows the news of his grandfather quite possibly going to jail sometime soon was going to break him.

Jinyoung crouches down on the pavement, right outside of Daehwi’s apartment, and dials his number again. It’s already sundown, a little past six in the evening, and all his calls just end up straight into voicemail. Jinyoung’s about to dial his eleventh phone call when he finally hears an answer.

“Bae Jinyoung?”

Jinyoung lifts his head up, and sees Daehwi standing in front of him, staring right at him. He’s wearing a coat that’s two sizes too big for him, and his face nuzzled in a bright red scarf. He looks like he’s freezing, but it’s a winter night so it’s understandable. All that matters now is that Daehwi’s here and he’s okay.

Jinyoung lets out the breath he didn’t realize he was holding.

“What’re you doing here?” Daehwi asks him. He doesn’t moved an inch from where he’s standing, and he doesn’t look like he’s going anywhere until Jinyoung answers him. “How did you find my address?”

Jinyoung stands up, “I asked around.”

“What are you doing here?” Daehwi repeats, a bit more firmer this time.

Jinyoung can feel it. There’s a thick tension surrounding them, and it’s making it difficult for him to breathe. The past three years that he didn’t see Daehwi created a wall between them, a wall that has topped the one Jinyoung built over them back when they were in highschool. While Jinyoung’s slowly trying to tear down the one he had put over them himself, Daehwi’s stacking them back together, and he knows, Jinyoung is perfectly aware, that everything is his fault.

He pushed Daehwi away. He was scared of getting attached. He was scared of his own feelings, and then suddenly he’s here, trying to brave over them as if high school never happened. As if he never hurt Daehwi before.

Jinyoung doesn’t understand himself either. Is it because he has grown up now? Is it because of the time they have spent apart that made him come to a realization of just how fucking stupid he had been before to have pushed him off like that because of the society that didn’t accept him and Daehwi as equals?

Or is it because Jinyoung now feels like he’s good enough to stand beside him and regard themselves as equals?

“I was worried,” he answers Daehwi after a short pause. Jinyoung grits his teeth, he’s starting to feel cold now. He didn’t bring any padding with him since he just stormed off to look for Daehwi before even thinking about the weather. All he has on is a wool sweater.

Daehwi doesn’t say anything. Instead, he walks towards Jinyoung and takes off the scarf he was wearing to wrap around Jinyoung’s neck. Jinyoung’s startled by the sudden action, stepping back on reflex but Daehwi  tells him to stay put. He continues to arrange the cloth on Jinyoung’s neck, until he feels like it’s enough to warm Jinyoung up before taking a back.

“Why would you be worried about me?” Daehwi asks back, crossing his arms. “Why would you go to the extent of asking around for my address because you were worried about me?”

“I heard you withdrew your enrollment,” Jinyoung answers, “and your grandfather—“

“Is going to prison because of your father? Yeah, that’s not worry, Jinyoung. That’s guilt. That’s fucking pity,” Daehwi tells him before brushing past him and unlocking the gates to his apartment. He turns to look at him again, “And I don’t need pity from anybody, especially from you.”

It’s a look that he can’t quite pinpoint. It’s a mixture of anger, and resentment, but Jinyoung catches the fear, and what seems to be hope. Hope to prove him wrong.

“I don’t do pity, Lee Daehwi,” Jinyoung tells him. He takes off the scarf Daehwi had placed over his shoulder and puts it back on him. Daehwi’s eyes don’t leave him, and Jinyoung can feel his gaze even when he tries so hard to avoid it. “I worry, not because I feel guilty nor because I pity. I worry because I care.”

“You’re not the Jinyoung I know,” Daehwi suddenly says, but his eyes are still on his.

Jinyoung smirks, “You’re not the Daehwi I’m used to either. Guess things have changed, huh?”

Daehwi mutters something under his breath, but it’s too low for Jinyoung to catch. When he was about to ask him about it, Daehwi shakes his head and asks him instead, “Have you eaten yet?”

Jinyoung’s stomach answers for him. He immediately turns his head to the side due to embarassment. Daehwi throws his head back laughing.

“Guess that’s a no,” Daehwi smiles a little. “Do you wanna come inside for dinner?”

“Is that okay with you?”

“Why would I invite you if I ain’t okay with it?”

Jinyoung smiles, “Okay, dinner would be nice.”

Daehwi returns it and steps back to let Jinyoung in. It’s only when they’re inside Daehwi’s apartment that Jinyoung notices the papers inside the bag Daehwi was holding earlier. They were all posters for job hiring.

Dinner with Daehwi was relatively normal. Jinyoung doesn’t ask why he suddenly cut off contact nor does he bring up the topic of why he went missing for an entire day. They don’t talk about the past nor do they talk about the present and the future. They talk about things they have in common, movies they have watched and books they have read.

Jinyoung tries to enjoy the normalcy of everything while he still can.

 

***

 

_“Where are you?”_

“Oh, Woojin, you called,” Daehwi answers his phone, the night breeze brushing past his fringe. The criminals he's taking a shot of are still loading their van with what appears to be the illegal drugs. Daehwi positions his video camera on top of the railings, in just the right angle that can perfectly capture the suspects' faces. "Banpo bridge, why?"

 _"Jihoon called and told me you've been missing for hours,"_ Woojin says, and Daehwi catches the sigh of relief from the other end of the line. " _What are you doing there at two in the morning even?"_

"Oh yeah, I forgot to tell them I was leaving since I was in a hurry. Can you tell him I'm fine for me? Kahi just called me to go shoot something undercover," Daehwi tells him, making a mental note to also text Daniel that he's okay later. If he didn't, Daniel was surely gonna storm into his apartment later in the morning, asking too many questions.

_"Wait, you're on the job now? Why did Kahi send you?"_

"Nobody else was available," Daehwi shrugs, but only realizes then that Woojin couldn't see him. "Are you at home now? Where's Seonho?"

_"Sleeping. Please do remember it's like two in the morning and your brother is a highschool student."_

"Oh, yeah, and you're a busy CEO who probably has several meetings stacked later in the morning. Why are you still awake?" Daehwi shoots back, laughing.

_"I was waiting for you to come home."_

Daehwi bites on his bottom lip hard. Woojin always has a way with words, in spite not even trying. He admits words like these make his heart jump and flutter, but liking Woojin in another way was a different story altogether, and things like this just feeds the guilt in his stomach more and more.

"Go to sleep, Woojin. You don't have to wait up for me. I'll be home soon."

 _"Don't worry, I can wait,"_  Woojin throws back.  _"I'm not sleepy yet,"_  but the yawn that comes after that betrays him.

Daehwi laughs, "Stop lying. Just sleep already. I'm almost done here."

_"Hm, okay. Just text me when you're near so I can welcome you home."_

"Woojin."

_"I'll take a nap while waiting for you, don't worry."_

Daehwi sighs, "Alright fine. Good night. I'll be home soon."

_"Hm, night, Hwi. Take care."_

Daehwi ends the call, shoves the phone back onto the pockets of his jeans, and turns back to the criminals' drug deal under the bridge.They seem to have finished loading everything, and are on their way to run off now. Daehwi leans into the railings more to get a better shot of everything.

“Are you fucking insane?!” He suddenly hears someone scream, and before he could turn around, he feels a pair of arms pull him away and he stumbles down the block he had been standing on, taking Daehwi a safe distance away from the edge of the bridge.

Daehwi turns around and sees Jinyoung looking at him with wide, afraid eyes, panting. Daehwi is startled by the amount of fear reflecting in them, like his life had just been sucked out of him. He returns the same wide-eyed expression, but his holds confusion instead.

“Does life not mean anything to you?! Is it so fucking easy for you to die?!”

Daehwi doesn’t say anything and just continues to stare at him in bewilderment. He doesn't have an inkling to what Jinyoung was on, but the anger fuming out of Jinyoung was alarming. He watches Jinyoung kick the concrete in frustration before turning back to him.

“Let’s film the goddamn documentary,” Jinyoung tells him breathlessly. “I’ll do it, you crazy fool!”

A few seconds of silence stretches between them, none of them saying anything. Daehwi's bewildered expression doesn't tone down, but Jinyoung looks like he has slowly calmed down.

"I'll do the documentary, okay," Jinyoung repeats, this time in a much lower voice. "Just...just don't jump. Don't ever do that."

Daehwi blinks at him in confusion, "What?"

"Weren't you...planning to jump?" Jinyoung scrunches his forehead in question. "You...you were leaning onto the railing on your tiptoes.Your hands were already stretching out of the railings!"

Daehwi turns his head a little to look at the railings, and back on the video camera he was still holding. He catches Jinyoung follow his gaze too, and sees him turn his head to the side, muttering a low 'ah, fuck'. Daehwi only realizes now what Jinyoung had thought of when he saw him here, and looks like Jinyoung had caught up on what was actually happening, looking at how grim he had suddenly turned.

"Jin—"

"Don't talk to me," Jinyoung clicks his tongue, and immediately turns towards the direction of his car.

Daehwi quickly runs after him, hitting the window by the passenger seat when Jinyoung gets inside, “Wait! You said we’re filming the documentary, right? Hey, Bae Jinyoung!”

Jinyoung doesn’t turn around to answer, doesn’t even bother looking at him, and starts the engine of the car. Annoyed, Daehwi opens the door to the passenger seat and slides in, quickly putting on the seatbelt before Jinyoung could even react.

“What the fuck are you doing? Get out,” Jinyoung  raises his voice, but Daehwi just rolls his eyes.

“You agreed to filming the documentary. Be nice to your producer.”

“I only said that because I thought you were gonna jump!” Jinyoung defends himself, “But apparently, I was an idiot for thinking that since you look alive and well now, so get out of my car. I take it back.”

“Were you worried about me?” Daehwi suddenly asks.

Jinyoung turns to him, with an expression Daehwi can’t quite pinpoint what it meant. “What if I was? If you were going to die, everybody's gonna be pointing their fingers at me, saying everything’s my fault. I’m human too, I can’t live with the guilt—“

“But you don’t worry out of guilt. You worry because you care,” Daehwi cuts him off, and Jinyoung turns stiff. “You told me that before, didn’t you?”

Jinyoung doesn’t look at him when he says, “Get out. Now.”

“Why are you trying so hard to push me away?” Daehwi asks him, eyes not leaving him.

There’s a minute of silence, Daehwi staring at him while Jinyoung’s eyes are locked on the road ahead of them. It stretches between them, the silence too suffocating because Jinyoung can hear all of the thoughts that seem to strangle him from within.

 _Because I’m scared of my own feelings. Because I can’t get a hold of them. Because I still can’t have you even after all this time,_ Jinyoung thinks but what comes out of his mouth instead are, “Weren’t you the one who left? Why are you coming back _now_?”

“I’m doing this for the job, okay,” Daehwi answers back. “Look, this documentary will be over in like a month. Once we finish this, I’ll be out of your life forever, if you want that so badly. I just need this job. I need the money to send Seonho to school. You also did just make me lose my last chance on getting back my job earlier when you interfered with my filming.”

Another pause engulfs them, only the sound of classical music being played in Jinyoung’s car could be heard, until Jinyoung breaks it with a sigh and a tap on the steering wheel.

“9 am. My place. We start tomorrow.”

Daehwi turns to him in surprise, “No taking back?”

“Do you want the job or not?”

“Heck yeah, I do!” Daehwi beams at him as he unbuckles his seatbelt and is about to step out of Jinyoung’s car. Jinyoung turns to him questioningly.

“Where are you going?”

“Uh, home?”

Jinyoung fixes his gaze back at the road in front of him, “Put your seatbelt back on. I’ll drive you home. There aren’t that many taxis passing by this area at this time of the night.”

“Oh. Okay,” Daehwi says as he steps back inside cautiously. “Thanks, Jinyoung.”

Jinyoung doesn’t respond. He simply revs up the engine and drives off, Daehwi tells him the address on the road. The drive was relatively short, Daehwi’s place not that far from the bridge, much to Jinyoung’s unwanted chagrin. Nobody spoke during the whole duration that they were inside the car, Jinyoung focused on driving while Daehwi simply picks on his wool sweater.

There’s so much that Jinyoung wanted to ask him, so many questions in his head that he still seeks answers for but he keeps them to himself for now. It wasn’t the right time yet. They had a seven-year hole between them that needs stitching up first before he can get those answers out, and as much as he wants to hear all those now, Jinyoung is also just as afraid.

Because whatever answer Daehwi is going to give him was either going to break his heart or heal it.

He parks the car right outside of Daehwi’s apartment. It looks smaller than the one he used to stay in back in college. Daehwi unbuckles his seatbelt, and turns to Jinyoung with a small smile.

“Thanks for the ride,” Daehwi says before closing the door. “Take care on your drive home. See you tomorrow.”

“Uh, yeah,” was all Jinyoung could say before pulling the starter again and turning back onto the main road. Daehwi waves him goodbye and shouts back another thank you.

While slowly driving out of Daehwi’s street, Jinyoung looks back at the side mirror of his car, right on time to catch the figure that had stepped out of Daehwi’s apartment greeting him with a hug. Jinyoung bites hard on his bottom lip.

This is why he can’t ask Daehwi the questions that keep climbing back up on his throat whenever he thinks about him. Because things were changing. Because time was moving, everyone was moving.

Because Daehwi had moved on, while Jinyoung was on a standstill.

He stops right at the end of the street, the distance still giving him sight of Daehwi’s apartment. He watches as Daehwi walks inside and Woojin waits for him before closing the gates. Jinyoung fights the weird feeling in his stomach that seems to be gnawing him from within, as he steps on the accelerator and speeds down the road. He tries not to think too much about why Woojin was there and focuses on driving instead.

_Why did you leave me seven years ago? Did you really love me like how you told me back then, or were they just empty words and broken promises?_

Jinyoung wants to know, even if it breaks him.

 

 

“Was that Bae Jinyoung?” Woojin asks him the moment their inside Daehwi’s apartment.

He sees Seonho sleeping soundly on the mattress laid out on the floor of the living room, the television that had been set on mute the only thing illuminating the place. Daehwi takes off his coat and hangs it by the rack at the entrance. Woojin plops back down on the couch, and switches the channel to a viewable radio station.

“Yeah, he suddenly went to Banpo bridge ,” Daehwi answers, only wondering now just how the heck did Jinyoung even find him. Even if Jihoon had called to tell him Daehwi had been missing for hours, he didn’t know where he was.

_Did he search throughout downtown for him?_

“What does he want?” Woojin questions, eyes not leaving the screen. “I thought he didn’t wanna do the documentary.”

“He told me not to jump.”

This catches Woojin’s attention. He turns to Daehwi with an eyebrow raised. “What?”

“He thought I was gonna jump off the bridge,” Daehwi clarifies, even he, himself, finding his own words surprising. “He thought I was gonna jump so he told me we were doing the documentary tomorrow, just as long as I wouldn’t do what he thought I was doing.”

Silence stretches over them, Woojin’s gaze burning him underneath. Daehwi knows what he’s thinking, because he’s thinking the same thing too, even when he had been trying so hard to push those thoughts out of his head ever since Jinyoung look at him with eyes filled with fear and worry for him.

“He drove…all the way to Banpo, because he thought you were going to kill yourself,” Woojin says slowly. “Daehwi—“

“It’s just human conscience. Nothing more,” Daehwi cuts him off, even though it’s evident that he was hoping for something else.

Because that’s what Daehwi can’t afford the most right now. Hope.

He can’t ever hope for Jinyoung, after what he had done to him. There was no place for hope for someone like him. He can’t hope for things to go back to the way they were. He can’t hope for time to go back, and he can’t hope for Jinyoung to still hold the same feelings he had for Daehwi back then.

“Why did you leave then?” Woojin asks out of the blue, gaze on Daehwi not faltering.

_I was scared._

Daehwi doesn’t answer him, and just walks straight into his room after telling him good night.

 

***

 

_“You’ve been looking for him since forever, and now that he’s here, why are you suddenly backing out?”_

Jinyoung remembers Jihoon ask him after he came back the day he had dropped off Daehwi in his old apartment. It was a question Jinyoung already has answers for, a question that he doesn’t even need a moment to ponder on.

 _Everything has changed._ They were no longer the same Daehwi and Jinyoung back in high school who had been playing push and pull, nor are they themselves from seven years ago who fell in love and apart. Daehwi’s changed; he has too, and more often than not, changes hurt instead of heal.

Jinyoung’s answer to Jihoon’s question? _He’s scared_. He’s scared that even if he can still love Daehwi for who he is now, he won’t be able to do the same to him. He’s scared Daehwi won’t give his heart to who Jinyoung has become now either. Because his heart is with someone else now. Because Jinyoung no longer owns it.

Or maybe he never really had it in the first place, that’s why Daehwi left.

But Jinyoung doesn’t answer him. He remembers simply brushing past himself up in his room for hours, but not before he hears him ask again right before he closes the door.

_“Do you still love Lee Daehwi?”_

Jinyoung was a whirlwind of emotions then. He didn’t know what he was feeling at the moment, the shock of suddenly seeing Daehwi again after all these years leaving an unfamiliar pang somewhere in his chest, but even though a million emotions, both he’ve been through before and new, indescribable ones that have only sprung up at that moment, were eating him up from within that day, Jinyoung still knows his heart and who it longs for.

_I never stopped._

Jinyoung doesn’t remember a day he hadn’t thought of Lee Daehwi after he had left, even for just a moment. His eyes would search for that familiar pair of uneven ones in the sea of people. His thoughts would rush back to the days when Daehwi was just an arm’s reach away from him. He hadn’t, not even once, ever stopped thinking about him.

Jinyoung never stopped feeling for Lee Daehwi.

As much as he tries to bury everything underneath the luxury that he has now, the flings he had gotten over the years, and the negativity that creeps into his head every night, like Daehwi leaving him because he fell out of love, or never even felt love in the first place. Jinyoung finds himself going back to square one. As much as he tries to push it back, the longing springs back up to remind him that Daehwi had left him alone with feelings he can’t ever be rid of.

He doesn’t answer Jihoon not because he doesn’t know. No, Jinyoung had always known, but he was just too afraid to admit it.

_Because what good does it do you to know you’re still holding on to something uncertain?_

Jinyoung wipes the fog off his bathroom mirror, his wet hair slicked back as he eyes his reflection.

He can’t remember the last time he had woken up before his alarm. It’s usually when he can’t sleep or when he’s filled with too much excitement for the following day’s events. Jinyoung tries not to put too much thought into it. He had trouble sleeping last night, so that’s all there is to it.

“Not too shabby,” Jinyoung smiles as he takes one last look at himself in the mirror before stepping out of the bathroom and moving towards his walk-in closet, “I look great.”

He rummages through his collection of clothes, all shining in branded and luxurious names, as he contemplates on what to wear. Jinyoung usually just picks out what his hands could grab first, but this morning he had been tossing out hangers left and right because he just can’t seem to be contented with any of them for some reason. After what seems to be an hour and a mountain pile of clothes on the floor later, he puts on a black long-sleeve button-up.

Jinyoung nearly passes out in shock when he turns around to see Guanlin staring at him with his arms crossed and face scrunched up in confusion.

“Oh for fuck’s sake, can’t you knock first before entering?” Jinyoung says exasperatedly, a hand clutching his chest. “I nearly died of a heart attack. Fuck.”

“You were humming,” Guanlin points out.

“What?”

“Humming while you were picking out clothes, and I’m pretty sure that was Red Velvet’s ‘Russian Roulette’ you were bobbing your head and wiggling your butt to. I should’ve filmed it. It was super creepy,” Guanlin snorts.

Jinyoung just rolls his eyes and moves past him to go back to his bedroom, Guanlin follows shortly from behind. Jinyoung looks at his vanity and takes out a bottle of expensive perfume, and sprays it on himself before proceeding to fix his hair by the mirror.

Guanlin quirks up a brow. “What gives? Why are you suddenly so preppy? This is new.”

Before he could even answer, the doorbell rings, and Jinyoung immediately scurries off towards the entrance, hitting his toe by the door frame in the process. Guanlin just watches the entire mess that is Bae Jinyoung trying to get to the door unfold in front of him in confusion.

Jinyoung slows down when he reaches the middle of the stairs, seeing Jihoon peeking at the CCTV monitor for the gate. He adjusts his collar and tries to approach him casually. Jihoon turns to him and snorts before laughing his head off at the sight of Bae Jinyoung all dressed up. Jinyoung feels the tips of his ears burn.

“ _Oh my god_ , you whipped asshole.”

“Shut the fuck up,” Jinyoung hisses through gritted teeth before shoving off Jihoon, who was still laughing to the point of tears, to the side. He’s about to throw him another comment but what greets him in the monitor seems to have taken away his voice and stitch his mouth close.

“My, my, looks like you’re not the only one who went all-out in dressing up today,” Jihoon sing-songs, but Jinyoung still doesn’t say anything and just continues to stare at Daehwi who, even in the mediocre quality of his CCTV camera, still looks so breathtakingly beautiful.

Daehwi was in a white button-up, sleeves curled up to reveal his forearms, and a pair of black ripped jeans. The camera was near his face so Jinyoung has full view of his lips that seem to a lot redder than usual, and his eyes glittering in makeup. Jinyoung doesn’t move from his spot at the door, and just stares in awe. Daehwi aged well, that’s for sure.

“Are you not going to let him in?” Jihoon asks from behind him, but he doesn’t respond.

Jinyoung watches as Daehwi rings the doorbell again, and pouts when he doesn’t get an answer.

“Hello? Bae Jinyoung!” Jinyoung still doesn’t answer.

Daehwi pulls out his phone from his pockets when he hears it ring and puts it near his ear, “Hey, Woojin!” he greets in a cheery tone and the awed expression in Jinyoung’s face suddenly falls and turns into a mask of indifference. He hears a snort from Jihoon behind him.

_Park Woojin._

“Yeah, I’m already here but he’s not answering the door,” he hears Daehwi say. “What do you mean you’re tired? That’s your fault for waiting up all night for me! I told you to sleep, didn’t I?”

Jinyoung feels his right hand curl into a fist absentmindedly, only opening it up when he feels his nails dig deeper and deeper onto his skin.

“You don’t have to worry about me, okay? Worry more about yourself! Me worrying about you doesn’t seem to be enough,” Daehwi laughs, his eyes turning into crescents and Jinyoung can’t help but stare fondly at that bright smile, even when he knows it’s for someone else Daehwi holds close in his heart dearly. “Yeah, yeah. I’ll take care. You take care of yourself too. Are you dropping by the apartment later tonight?”

Jinyoung freezes. _Woojin drops by constantly? It wasn’t just a one time thing?_

“Oh, that’s too bad. I was thinking of cooking your favorite later,” Daehwi teases. “But if you’re busy, it’s okay. Do you want me to drop it off at the office later instead? Knowing you, you’ll probably be too consumed in your work that you’ll forgot to eat again, Woo—“

Jinyoung turns off the monitor, and walks out of the living room and trudges up the stairs, towards his room, frowning.

“Hey, where are you going?” Jihoon asks as Jinyoung strips out of his button-up and changes into a simple white shirt and pulls on a gray hoodie. He puts on a pair of running shoes, before heading down the stairs again and towards the garden.

“Taking Balchaeng for a walk,” Jinyoung answers in a chipped tone.

“What about the shooting?” Jihoon calls out from the large staircase. Guanlin is behind him, looking concerned as well.

“Who the fuck cares? Tell Euiwoong it’s over.”

“What the fuc—“

Jinyoung slams the glass door harshly before Jihoon could even finish talking. He walks towards the patio, a white Samoyed immediately barking at the sight of him. Jinyoung lets the dog play with him as he ruffles his fur.

“Wanna go on a walk, boy?” Jinyoung asks the dog with a smile, the dog barking back as he pats him in the head. Jinyoung walks towards the gates first, his Samoyed still running around the vast garden. Just as he opens the small gate at the side, Jinyoung locks eyes with Daehwi who seem to be a lot annoyed now for having to wait outside for God knows how long now.

“Oh, thank god, _finally_ ,” Daehwi sighs, before straightening up his shirt and looking up at Jinyoung with a bright smile. “Hello.I think your doorbell is broken. I’ve been ringing it since twenty minutes ago, and nobody opened the door. But anyway, the filming crew—”

“They won’t come,” Jinyoung cuts him off. “I told them not to.”

There’s a whole question mark in Daehwi’s face now. “Why?”

Jinyoung tilts his head to the side, and stares at him boredly, “I told them not to.”

Daehwi scoffs at him and turns to him in disbelief, “You said you were going to do it yesterday.”

“I don’t remember saying that,” Jinyoung drops coldly, about to walk past him, but Daehwi blocks his way. Jinyoung tries not to gasp a little too loud at their close proximity now and how Daehwi’s eye makeup seem to be a whole lot more beautiful up close.

“I have a fucking voice recording here as evidence. Do not test me, Bae Jinyoung.”

Jinyoung sighs, “Get the fuck out of my way while I’m still nice,” he brushes past his shoulder a little too harshly, but Daehwi pulls him right back by the arm.

“Okay, why are you being such a dick all of a sudden? You were fine last night, what’s going on?”

“I don’t know. Ask your boyfriend, Woojin! Maybe he knows!” Jinyoung shouts before he could even think of what he was saying. He freezes when realization finally dawns upon him, and all he wants to do now is just run and hide in a cave till the end of time.

He didn’t even realize he was jealous of just how intimate Woojin and Daehwi’s relationship had gotten over the years, until those words leave his mouth. He’s jealous. Bae Jinyoung _is actually_ jealous. He wants to punch himself in the gut.

“What—“

“Ah, fuck. Balchaeng, let’s go!” Jinyoung quickly turns his head and shouts behind him.

“Balchaeng—“

Jinyoung’s Samoyed barks right back as he runs towards him, circling him. Daehwi just stares at the large dog in front of him.

“The whole documentary is off, okay? It’s too tiring,” Jinyoung tells him, eyes not meeting his, before walking past him. Daehwi immediately walks up in front of him and spreads his arms wide to stop him.

“I lost a scoop because of you. It was a fucking illegal drug dealing inside the city. The criminals would’ve been in jail by now if you didn’t interrupt me!” Daehwi yells at him, teeth gritting in anger after.

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah! I could’ve had two months of living expenses with that scoop! I could’ve bought beef every week if you didn’t fucking show up and ruin everything, and then you’re suddenly here, telling me the documentary is called off? Bitch I don’t think so.”

 Jinyoung clicks his tongue before smirking at him, “Text Jihoon your account details. I’ll wire you double your living expenses that you lost out on.”

“How much?” Daehwi prompts, crossing his arms. “Do you know how much I spend? Don’t give me chump change. I want a hundred thousand dollars.”

Jinyoung raises a brow, “Is that all you need?” he asks before he scoffs, “I could give you a million dollars if you want. I could also give you a house, and a car, and a building. I could give you all I own. Go on and ask for more,” Jinyoung dares him, but the only thing that’s really reeling on his head right now is Daehwi’s relationship with Woojin. “I’m loaded, and all you ask for is a hundred thousand dollars?”

_I have fucking everything. What does Woojin have that I don’t?_

Daehwi stares at him. It’s that same look again that Jinyoung doesn’t understand. “You must be so pleased that you’re rich, huh?” He laughs bitterly. “I barely have enough to live off. But because you’re rich, you disregard people, and easily break promises. It must be so great to be you, you fucking asshole!” Daehwi shouts at him before kicking him in the shin.

“ _Ow—“_

_“Arf!”_

Before Jinyoung could even feel his leg again, his dog jumps at Daehwi, the producer easily tackled onto the ground.

“Fuck, Balchaeng!” Jinyoung hisses as he pulls Balchaeng off of him while limping. The dog barks and wiggles out of his hold. “Shush, bad boy! That’s enough! Go back inside.” He lets the Samoyed go and watches him run back inside the house. Jinyoung turns to look at Daehwi and sees him knocked out cold on the concrete.

Jinyoung sighs, “Goddamnit.”

 

***

 

“Bae Jinyoung, please explain,” Jihoon demands, arms crossed. “What the fuck is going on?”

Jinyoung rolls his eyes, “Balchaeng jumped on him for kicking me.”

“Oh my fucking god,” Jihoon immediately exclaims, rushing towards where Daehwi lies unconscious in the sofa. “Did Balchaeng bite him? Jesus Christ, Jinyoung, I told you that dog was a monster!”

“Oh, shut up. All Balchaeng did was bark and jump, and he just passed out all of a sudden,” Jinyoung clears up, quietly taking side glances at Daehwi beside him.

“How the fuck does someone even faint from a bark and a jump?”

“It’s probably just another show to get something from me,” Jinyoung scoffs before standing up. “I’m going out for a walk. Watch over him while I’m out. Send him home once he wakes up.” He’s about to walk away when Jihoon stops him.

“Wait, he looks sick for real,” Jihoon tells him as he leans over to check at him. Jinyoung turns his head and sees Daehwi breathing unevenly. “I don’t think he’s putting up a show here, Jinyoung. This is serious.”

Jinyoung immediately rushes towards him, and kneels down beside him to take a closer look. He sees the red blotches all over his neck and arms. He bites down on his lower lip, before putting his forehand on Daehwi’s forehead.

“Call Dr. Yoon,” Jinyoung tries to tell Jihoon calmly, even when his insides already feel like exploding.

_Goddammit, Balchaeng._

The doctor comes around thirty minutes later, right before Jinyoung’s head is about to burst in worry. They transferred Daehwi to Jinyoung’s room so he could be settled in properly. The doctor adjusts the dextrose before turning to Jinyoung who had been pacing around the room back and forth.

“The sudden shock caused his veins to expand,” he explains. “That lowered his blood pressure, and he went into shock. Did he say he couldn’t breathe as he fainted?”

Jinyoung nods.

“His skin is blotchy, and his breathing is ragged. So I would say an allergy to dogs is the biggest cause.”

“Allergy to dogs?” Jinyoung repeats dumbly.

The doctor nods, “The shots should reduce the inflammation and bring up his blood pressure, so don’t worry too much. He’ll be fine tomorrow,” he says as he gets ups and starts fixing his things.

“Thank you for coming even during your day-off, Jisung hyung” Jinyoung tells him immediately.

“It’s fine,” Jisung chuckles. “But can I ask for your autograph? My daughter likes you a lot apparently. She was ecstatic when she picked up the phone earlier when you called.”

Jinyoung laughs, “Sure. No problem.”

Jisung tilts his head to the side, like he’s examining him, and gives him a small smile, “You seem to be doing well. No recent episodes?”

Jinyoung shakes his head. “I’m fine.”

“You’ll be fine,” Jisung gives him an encouraging smile and a pat in the shoulder, before heading out of the room. Jinyoung gives Daehwi one last once-over, him looking a whole lot better now compared to earlier before following Jisung and showing him out.

Jihoon had left earlier to meet up with an acquaintance, and Guanlin went off to work, leaving him and Daehwi alone in the mansion. Jinyoung ties his dog on a leash outside, the Samoyed immediately letting out crying noises.

“I’m sorry, boy, but you nearly put him in danger,” Jinyoung huffs, “What if he got hurt? I know you were only trying to protect me, but don’t do that again, okay?” he says as he ties the knot tightly. The dog barks. “What if you had bitten him? Then I would’ve had to kick you out. So just stay here for a while, okay? It’ll be over soon.”

Jinyoung smiles at him as he pats his head before going back inside. He pulls out a vacuum cleaner from his storage closet and brings it to the living room. Just as he was about to set it on, he hears the faint ringing of a phone. Jinyoung turns his head to where Daehwi was lying earlier and sees his phone blinking. He picks it up, just in case it was something important, but immediately regrets afterwards.

**_Calling_ ** _my lovely Woojinie_

Jinyoung throws the phone back on the couch and lets it ring. _It’s none of my business, it’s none of my fucking business,_ he repeats in his head like a mantra as he starts on the vacuum and cleans the house, starting from the living room all the way to the kitchen, making sure not a single strand of Balchaeng’s fur is left. He hasn’t even cleaned up this much before, since there was always a housekeeper who does it for him. He tries to fight back the awe when he finally figures out how to use the vacuum cleaner for the very first time.

He doesn’t even know why he suddenly felt the urge to clean up the place. Simple hospitality? A token of apology on behalf of his dog? Jinyoung wants to think it’s only because of that.

He can no longer feel his arms and legs when he finally finished cleaning the entire house spotless, but tries his best to trudge up the stairs towards his room to check up on Daehwi. He was still sleeping soundly on his bed, the red blotches already fading nicely.

That’s all Jinyoung could remember before clonking out.

 

He doesn’t remember pulling out a blanket nor does he remember getting a pillow to rest his head on, but that’s what he had woken up to. All he remembers is falling asleep on the floor due to exhaustion, but he doesn’t remember being tucked in with said blanket and pillow.

Jinyoung gets up from where he lies on the floor, and sees the bed above him already fixed as if nobody had slept in it hours ago. Out of reflex or out of worry, he doesn’t know but he immediately steps out of his room and down the stairs but only to be greeted by a slurping noise from the kitchen, and Daehwi raiding his refridgerator for something to eat.

Daehwi immediately gobbles up the noodles he paused midway from eating when Jinyoung had caught him, and wipes his lips with his forehand. “Uh, I got hungry when I woke up.”

Jinyoung doesn’t say anything and just continues to walk towards where Daehwi stood by the counter in his kitchen.

“I’ll pay for the ramyeon!” Daehwi immediately tells him, “No, wait. I’ll give you the money to pay back for the ramyeon, since we won’t be seeing each other anyway ‘cause we’re no longer working together,” he lets out bitterly.

“Do you faint a lot?” Jinyoung suddenly asks out of the blue.

“Me? Ah, kind of. My immune system is out of order, ever since I got into that car accident years ago. I’m sure you remember that one,” Daehwi says in between chews.

 _Of course I remember_.  

“Do you have any leftover rice?” Daehwi asks him after taking a sip of the ramyeon soup.

Jinyoung wordlessly steps behind him, and heads to one of the cupboards, pulling out two packets of microwaveable rice and puts them in for heating up. He then heads back to where Daehwi is standing, taking the bowl of ramyeon and the pair of chopsticks from his hands, immediately slurping down on the noodles.

“Ya! Go get your own! I cooked that!”

Jinyoung rolls his eyes, “I bought it.”

“I said I was going to pay!”

“Oh shut up,” Jinyoung just tells him as he continues to gobble up the remaining noodles. “Just go cook more. I cooked the rice. You cook the noodles.”

Daehwi scoffs but heads to the cooking range and opens up two packets of ramyeon still. There’s a moment of silence, only the boiling of water and the timer in the microwave making sounds. Daehwi turns to Jinyoung a little bit, Jinyoung catching the action in his peripheral.

“Hey…the thing you said earlier.”

“I said many things,” Jinyoung shoots back as he pours himself a glass of water.

“You know what I mean!” Daehwi counters. “Is it…is it still valid?” he asks as he lifts his head up to look at Jinyoung who was already staring at him.

“I mean…you said you were going to give me a house,” Daehwi continues, “A car and a building. You said you were going to give me anything.”

Jinyoung scrunches his face, and Daehwi immediately evades eye contact, eyes back on the boiling noodles. “Ah, I knew you weren’t serious. I was just…asking.”

“What do you want?” Jinyoung asks him with a sigh.

Daehwi turns to him slowly, “Can I tell you?” When Jinyoung doesn’t answer, he continues. “A hundred thousand dollars.”

“Why a hundred?”

“That’s the biggest amount I could think of,” Daehwi bites down on his lower lip. “Is it too much? Then, how about fifty? Fifty thousand dollars?”

Jinyoung doesn’t respond.

“Thirty?”

Still silence.

“Alright fine! Ten thousand dollars,” Daehwi pouts. “Just wire ten thousand dollars in my bank account and I’ll never bother you about the documentary again. I won’t ever show up again.”

Jinyoung just continues to stare at him.

“If you can’t give it to me, then just lend it to me. 82 months, interest free.”

The microwave lets out a beeping sound, and Jinyoung heads over to take out the cooked rice. He peels open one container and slides it down towards him.

“60 months? Oh come on, you’re rich anyway. I’m sure ten thousand dollars would barely even leave adent in your bank account,” Daehwi sulks.

“I can’t,” Jinyoung finally says. He turns off the range when Daehwi seems too preoccupied to notice it was already steaming.

“Then why did you let me tell you all those in the first place?” Daehwi yells, annoyed. He scoffs. “Wow, the rich are even stingier. You’re the worst.”

“You can work,” Jinyoung retorts. “Why ask for a hand out when you’re physically able?”

“I don’t have work,” Daehwi spits out bitterly. “You just caused me my fucking job, remember? Your temper made me lose the only job I’d finally landed.”

Jinyoung hums, “Then let’s do the documentary then.”

Daehwi stares at him for a moment, before letting out a sarcastic laugh. “Wow, for a minute there you almost got me. There you go again with your promises. You never keep them anyway so stop getting my hopes up. You’re being a total dic—“

“Hello?” Daehwi hears Jinyoung say and he turns around to see him with his ear pressed on his phone. Jinyoung raises a brow at him as he sets down his phone on the counter and puts the call on speaker.

 _“What do you want?”_ Daehwi hears Jihoon’s groggy voice.

“Write up a new contract for the documentary.”

_“Why? So you’ll have new papers to tear? No thanks—“_

“I changed my mind, okay? I’m doing it,” Jinyoung says in a monotonous tone.

_“Okay, but you might change your mind again so please do think of this thoroughly—“_

“I won’t change my mind,” Jinyoung shoots, “Add in an article that states that I have to pay 1000 times the cancellation fee if I back out again.”

Daehwi’s eyes widen as he immediately turns to look at Jinyoung who stares at him with a small smirk.

_“Are you serious?!”_

“Do I sound like I’m joking to you?” Jinyoung replies but he’s looking at Daehwi.

_“Okay, okay. I’ll hand the contract to you later when I get home—“_

Jinyoung ends the call before Jihoon could even finish, “There. Now you have a job.”

Daehwi just gawks at him in disbelief. Jinyoung feels his ears burn as he brushes past him and trudges back towards his room. “Just stay over for the night! It’s late! Guest room two rooms down the right!” he yells before closing the door.

It’s not even 8:30 in the evening. Jinyoung thinks he’s really losing it, but there’s no backing out now.

 

He tries not to think too much about seeing Daehwi everyday starting from now as he pulls the blanket over his head, willing himself to sleep.

 

***

 

_It happened too fast._

_I hear him shout his name, but I didn’t tell him to stop. Why didn’t I? The driver realizes a second too late. He steps on the brakes but it has already happened._

_Blood. Blood all over the concrete road. It’s not my fault. I’m not at fault._

_“Sir, I’m so sorry.”_

_“Drive.”_

_“What?”_

_“Just drive!”_

_I’m not at fault._

_It wasn’t my fault._

“It’s Jinyoung’s fault,” Jihoon sighs after he takes a shot. It’s only the two of them in the counter now. There aren’t really that much who goes into this bar, usually just those who just came off from sitting all day and wanting to wind off.

“He didn’t know he was allergic to dogs,” Woojin replies shortly after ending the call. Daehwi had called to tell him he’s staying the night over at Jinyoung’s since he’s still feeling off and Jinyoung had told him to stay too. Woojin tries to push back the ugly slug creeping onto him as he chugs down a shot of Jack Daniels quickly.

“Yeah, but it was still his fucking fault. He keeps pulling up this whole tsundere charade on him, I feel so sorry for Daehwi,” Jihoon shakes his head, his cheeks tainted pink now from all the alcohol in his system.

“But he still cares for him, right?” Woojin couldn’t help but comment.

“He does,” Jihoon laughs. “A lot more than he ever lets out. He thinks we don’t know, but we do. _I_ do.”

Woojin pours himself another shot, when Jihoon turns to him with a cat-like grin.

“Aren’t you interested in Lee Daehwi as well?” Jihoon inquires, chin propped up by one hand. “Since high school.”

“Since high school,” Woojin repeats as he swings his shotglass sideways, the amber liquid moving along. “Maybe.”

“Have you ever thought of giving up?”

Woojin doesn’t answer. He takes a sip, before facing Jihoon with a smirk, snaggletooth popping out. “What about you and Guanlin?”

“It is as it is,” Jihoon shrugs, but Woojin can see the way his eyes hazed as he looks away and chugs down another shot. “Guanlin…he—“

“Park Jihoon.”

They both turn around to the voice behind them. Guanlin has his tie loose, first two buttons undone and his blazer hanging on his arm as he walks his way towards the two of them. He acknowledges Woojin’s presence with a nod before turning his gaze back at Jihoon who was smiling at him giddily.

“I miss you, Linlin,” Jihoon tells him in between hiccups.

Guanlin sighs as he pulls Jihoon up, “I told you to not drink too much, didn’t I?” He fixes Jihoon’s messy fringe by running his fingers in his hair, Jihoon closing his eyes at the contact. “You keep making me worried.”

“Why? You’re not my boyfriend.”

Guanlin lets go of his hair, and stares at him for a moment before taking his hand in his. “Let’s go.” He turns to look at Woojin to say goodbye, the latter giving him a wave as a response. When the two are out of sight, Woojin pours himself another shot before sending a reply to Daehwi’s text.

 

**Woojin……..I just realized something.**

**What?**

**Jinyoung calls his dog Balchaeng.**

**The pokemon? Poliwag?**

**Yeah.**

**I used to call him that.**

Woojin takes a shot, and then another. The night passes on like that.

 

 

_It’s not my fault. It’s not my fault. I’m not at fault._

_Sorry, Daehwi. Sorry._


	7. seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> quite possibly the messiest and least sad chapter of them all but this is meant to be like this so enjoy i guess lmao sorry

_highschool, sophomore year_

Jinyoung hates running.

He wasn’t the athletic one in their group. That’s Guanlin, all-star basketball player who likes to sub for the soccer and track team every now and then when needed. Jihoon, too, can play but he’s more interested in dancing than sports, even when he can throw a ball just as fine as well. Jinyoung, however, wants _nothing_ to do with sports. Sure, he plays soccer with his friends from time to time whenever he’s bored, but he would much rather sit on the couch all day and waste the hours away doing nothing.

But here he was, running as if his life depended on it.

He gasps for air as he pushes open the double glass doors of the nearest branch of McDonalds in the vicinity. He crouches on the floor by the entrance, panting and letting the cool air from the airconditioner deal with his excessive sweating from the blinding heat outside.

When he turns his head to the side, he sees Daehwi waving at him with a small smile, and realizes by then that he had been scammed.

“What the fuck?” is the first thing he says the moment he reaches his table.

“Hello to you too,” Daehwi greets back as he picks up a fry and starts nibbling on it. “Sit down. I’ll order for you. What do you want?”

“You said there was an emergency!” Jinyoung screams exasperatedly, managing to turn a few heads towards their direction. “I ran as fast as I could because you said something was wrong! What the fuc—“

Daehwi stands up a bit and yanks him by the arm, Jinyoung forced to sit next to him. “Stop shouting. People are looking,” Daehwi whispers through gritted teeth.

“Let them look. I’m leaving anyway,” Jinyoung tries to get up but Daehwi pulls him back down again.

“I really am in an emergency and in need of help, okay. I need your help,” Daehwi assures him, pouting. “Look, I’ll make it up to you. I just really, _really_ need your help right now. Please, Jinyoung.”

 _It’s that look again,_ Jinyoung groans. _It’s those puppy eyes again. Lee Daehwi, you think you can just make me do whatever you tell me to if you give me that look. Well you have another thing coming because—_

“What is it that you want me to do?” he sighs before taking Daehwi’s coke float and sipping on it. The latter yells in protest, but Jinyoung just lifts up a finger and sways it side to side. “You owe me this.”

Daehwi huffs, but lets it go anyway. “I just need you to sit still here and not say a single word.”

Jinyoung raises a brow, forehead creased in confusion. “What?”

“Shh! Here he comes,” Daehwi exclaims in response, startling Jinyoung when he suddenly locks his left arm with his right and leans close— _too close_ — to him. The action makes him flustered, eyes widened in startlement. He’s about to ask Daehwi just what the hell was going on when he hears someone speak.

“Lee Daehwi?”

Jinyoung looks up and sees a familiar face. The name is at the tip of his tongue but he just can’t seem to remember it. He watches as he takes the seat across from them, a welcoming smile plastered on his face but his eyes scan Jinyoung’s face skeptically. Jinyoung turns to look at Daehwi beside him who was still holding on to his arm, a forced smile etched on his own.

“Jung Subin hyung,” Daehwi breathes out, his grip on Jinyoung’s arm tightening. “You’re here.”

 _Ah, the guy in the choir with Daehwi. The one who went to the mansion last week,_ Jinyoung finally remembers. He watches as Subin smiles brightly at Daehwi, his eyes twinkling and looking absolutely fond that Jinyoung feels his stomach churn.

Subin likes Daehwi.

That much was obvious even if Jinyoung barely knows the guy. He has seen the way he looks at Daehwi back when he and the rest of Daehwi’s choir friends went to the mansion. He has seen the way he approaches him, the way he talks to him and the way he smiles at him. Subin likes Daehwi, and Jinyoung doesn’t know why he feels weird about it.

_My stupid crush on him is dead. It’s dead. It’s dead._

“I see you brought your…friend?” Jinyoung hears him say. Subin turns to him with a smile, but he catches it fall and turn into a straight line for a moment when his eyes land on Daehwi’s arm locked with his.

“Boyfriend,” Daehwi corrects him with no hesitation. Jinyoung chokes on air, but he feels Daehwi’s nails dig deeper onto his skin. He bites down on his lower lip. “This is my boyfriend, Bae Jinyoung.”

Jinyoung pinches Daehwi’s hand from underneath the table, right leg nudging Daehwi’s left, as if to say he demands an explanation as to what was going on immediately but Daehwi just pinches him back on the thigh. Jinyoung stops himself from yelling in pain.

“Oh, the one you told me about,” Subin acknowledges, seemingly oblivious of the kicking fest happening underneath the table. “Daehwi talked to me about you a lot, Jinyoung.”

“Ah, is that so?” Jinyoung responds with a smile, eyebrows quirked up before turning to Daehwi who was avoiding his gaze. He pulls out his arm from his hold and rests it on the small frame of Daehwi’s back. “I wonder what he told you about me. Did _my boyfriend_ say horrible things about me behind my back?”

Jinyoung lets out ‘my boyfriend’ in a teasing tone, but even he is affected by his own words, his heart hammering like crazy and his palms sweaty. The words to him are foreign, but in a way still felt right that it scares him.

Daehwi quickly picks up his coke float and sips from it. Jinyoung feels his ears burn when he remembers he did just sip from that straw not too long ago as well.

“Oh no, they’re not bad at all. He only ever says good things about you,” Subin chuckles. “Daehwi told me you’re really smart and good in mathematics. That you had an amazing voice that put angels to shame and that your visuals are really out of this world. He also told how me how cute you are whenever you’re with kids or animals, how your eyes just turn absolutely soft when you’re with them and how your smile could defeat the sun. He just keeps on pointing out positive traits about you.”

Jinyoung feels his ears burn even more. He doesn’t even remember singing in front of Daehwi. Did he hear him sing before when he was lulling Seonho to sleep? He doesn’t even remember ever being nice to Daehwi in this lifetime but here he was, talking about him to everyone like he was the most perfect person to exist.

“The way he described you was too unreal. I almost thought you were imaginary,” Subin jokes, but Jinyoung remains stunned and doesn’t say anything.

“Well, he’s here in front of you now, real and _not_ imaginary,” Daehwi intercepts. He pinches Jinyoung’s cheek, the touch sending volts down Jinyoung’s spine. “Ain’t my boyfriend cute?”

“Guess you really weren’t messing around when you said his visuals are top tier,” Subin nods, but Jinyoung catches the sad smile he sends his way. “You got quite a catch here, Daehwi.”

“I feel like the luckiest person on earth, honestly.” Daehwi’s eyes meet Jinyoung’s, smile never faltering, and Jinyoung’s not sure if he was just imagining it when he catches Daehwi’s eyes soften after the contact. He watches as he turns his gaze back to Subin. “So I think you should stop pursuing me now, hyung. I’m happy with Jinyoung.”

Jinyoung blinks. _Pursue..?_

“Hm,” Subin hums, arms crossed. “But how am I supposed to know that you two aren’t lying? I asked around, Hwi. I asked your classmates that I’m close with about your relationship with Bae Jinyoung. They say you don’t even talk despite having known each other your entire lives.”

Daehwi gets flustered at the comeback, stammering for a response. Jinyoung watches as he purses his lips into a straight line. From all the years he has known Daehwi, Jinyoung knows what this look means, what this lack of response meant. _Fear. Nervousness._

_I need your help, Jinyoung._

“Oh, come on. Jinyoung looks like he doesn’t even want to be here,” Subin glances at him shortly before turning back to Daehwi. “Listen, I really do like you, Daehwi. Why won’t you give me a chance to prove myself? I’m not asking you to accept me immediately. Just allow me to express my feelings.”

“Hyung—“

“Wow, and you really have the nerve to say that in front of his boyfriend?” Jinyoung suddenly intervenes, right arm making its way around Daehwi’s shoulder possessively. Daehwi turns to him with wide eyes.

“Jinyoung…”

He looks back at Daehwi with a grin before pinching his nose. “You’re cute. Let me handle this, babe.” Jinyoung shifts his gaze back at Subin who was just as startled as Daehwi. “Did you really think Daehwi was lying when he said he has a boyfriend? Uh, what am I then? Drift wood?”

“Your classmates said—“

“Because they don’t know anything. I asked Daehwi to keep our relationship a secret,” Jinyoung cuts him off. “Especially with us practically living in the same place. I wanted to protect us, so we didn’t tell anybody.”

“You could be lying right now—“

“I like Lee Daehwi,” Jinyoung announces. It’s only when the words leave his mouth that he realizes their weight. Because maybe those words weren’t just meant to save Daehwi from this predicament. Because maybe they do mean more.

Because maybe he did mean them.

“And Daehwi likes me,” he continues briefly, ignoring the loud hammering in his chest and the way Daehwi looks at him from his peripheral. He musters up the most threatening glare he could make, lips curled up in a menacing smirk. “It doesn’t matter to me if you believe us or not. I just want you to stop hitting on my boyfriend. Lee Daehwi is off-limits to anybody else. He’s mine, and only mine.”

Subin doesn’t answer, completely taken aback.

Jinyoung seizes the opportunity to get up from his seat and pulls Daehwi up by the arm. Jinyoung takes his hand in his and turns to him with a smile. “Let’s go?”

Daehwi blinks, still in shock, but nods anyway. They walk out of the restaurant hand in hand, with Jinyoung leading the way. He only stops when he’s sure they were out of eye sight from McDonalds.

“Why did you do that?” is the first thing Daehwi tells him. He looks up to him but Jinyoung avoids his gaze.

“Isn’t that what you needed me for?” Jinyoung answers, kicking a pebble. They stopped at a park, the sky now an orange horizon. “Didn’t you need me to pretend as your boyfriend so you could get rid of him?”

Daehwi nods.

“That’s what I did. Why are you even asking?” Jinyoung takes a deep breath. “I did it because you wanted me to,” he continues, but it feels more like he’s convincing himself that instead of Daehwi.

_I did it because he asked me to, not because I wanted to._

“I’m sorry for dragging you in this mess. I couldn’t think of anybody else,” Daehwi apologizes. It’s only when he pulls back his hand that Jinyoung realizes he hasn’t let go. He quickly pulls back his as well. “I really should have asked for your permission first before telling Subin you were my boyfriend.”

“It’s over now, so it really doesn’t matter anymore,” Jinyoung tries to act nonchalantly, even when he feels like he’s on fire. “But what you said…”

“What?”

 _About me being smart. About me being nice, and a good singer, and good-looking, and cute with children and how my smile reminds you of the sun,_ Jinyoung thinks, _did you really mean them?_

But what comes out of his mouth instead is a “Nevermind”, along with a shake of his head.

“The things I said about you to Subin?” Daehwi drops with no hesitation, and Jinyoung probably should have said something because now he just looks like a deer caught in headlights. Daehwi smiles softly. “I did mean them if that’s what you’re curious about.”

Jinyoung keeps his head low.

“And those aren’t even all of the good traits about you,” he continues.

How can Daehwi just let go of such words with ease, when it takes Jinyoung a lot of courage and will power just to say three words to him? How can Daehwi just say such words that hold such a big impact on him with no hesitations? Without holding back?

Was Jinyoung even worthy of such words? Words that were too good for someone who hasn’t even been good to him in any way?

“This is nice,” Daehwi suddenly says, and it’s only then that Jinyoung lifts up his head to look at him. Daehwi’s eyes aren’t on him this time, but on the sky being painted with hues of orange as the sun slowly sets. “To be able to talk to you freely like this. It’s been a while since we’ve exchanged more than just two words.”

Jinyoung finds it hard to breathe, especially now that Daehwi is looking at him with that same fond look Jinyoung tries not to put too much meaning into. It’s that look that Jinyoung knows mean so much more, that one look that seems to take his whole heart into a fistful.

He watches as Daehwi takes a step back. “Well, I’ll go on ahead now. I’m sorry for troubling you today. I’ll make it up to you next time.”

Jinyoung doesn’t know what has gotten into him when he suddenly grabs onto Daehwi’s arm and stops him from leaving.

“Make it up to me now,” he blurts out before he could even stop himself. Daehwi doesn’t say anything and just stares at him. Jinyoung takes it as a sign to continue. “Uh, if you’re not busy that is. Treat me to dinner. Tonight.”

The sun has set, and the orange has faded into a deep blue. The evening air tonight is cold, a strike contrast to the heat of the afternoon, but Jinyoung only feels warmth when he sees Daehwi reach out to take his hand in his, a bright smile making its way up towards his lips.

“Okay,” Daehwi answers. “Barbecue sound good to you?”

 

***

 

“I feel like I don’t know you anymore,” is what greets Daehwi at ten in the morning.

He sighs, opening the door to his apartment wider so that he can get in, “Good morning to you too, Kang Daniel. You’re dramatic this early in the day. What’s up?”

“What’s _up? You_ tell me what’s up,” Daniel pouts, huffing as he makes his way towards the couch in the living room. Daehwi takes his place at the chair adjacent to it, turning the television on right as the ending credits of an old movie starts rolling in.

“You owe me a lot of explaining, Lee Daehwi,” Daniel demands, the tone of his voice something Daehwi knows all too well. He’s heard of this countless times already, with their more than a decade of friendship having encountered this side to him a few times too many now. Daniel was _sulking_.

“You just left alumni night without any warning whatsoever,” Daniel starts, “Some dude was yelling about you wanting to jump off a goddamn bridge for fucks sake. I nearly got a stroke! Then a little birdie told me you’re now apparently working for Bae Jinyoung, when I remember clearly that you wanted to avoid meeting him ever again so badly, and this morning, Seonho told me you didn’t come home until six AM. Lee Daehwi, _what_ is going on?”

“I have a job now,” Daehwi simply answers. It’s not like it was a lie. It’s technically the truth. All of the things Daniel had mentioned was really only because of his job. He met up with Jinyoung again because of his job. Nothing more.

But Daehwi knows Daniel catches something off. Daehwi can say it’s only because of the job all he wants, but deep within, he knows himself that there’s clearly something more. A hidden agenda that he doesn’t want to admit to anybody, even himself.

 _Is it the thought of seeing him again everyday? Of making up for old bruises and stitching up seven-year old scars?_ Daehwi doesn’t know, and he doesn’t want to know.

“A _job?_ ”

“Yeah, I’m filming Jinyoung’s documentary, like what I told you the other day.”

Daniel squints at him, “So you’re meaning to tell me that all these days that you’ve been out of sight…you were with _Jinyoung? Bae Jinyoung?_ The one guy you wanted to avoid so bad that’s why you didn’t want to come to alumni night in the first place? You’re meaning to say you spent that night with _him_?”

“N—“ Daehwi’s about to retort when he remembers he did spend the night in his company, when Jinyoung had drove off throughout downtown just to look for him. Not the entirety of the evening, but a part of it nevertheless. “You can put it that way. Things…happened, and now I’m here, with a job.”

“Your job involves Bae Jinyoung,” Daniel says tentatively, like he is unsure of the words. “You still haven’t told me what you two were in the past, about this whole story I seemed to have missed out on, but I can tell it was definitely not something shallow. Will you be okay?”

Daehwi appreciates how Daniel is sensible enough not to press on the topic of his past with Jinyoung, even when he knows how much of a curious beaver Daniel is.

“I’ll be okay,” Daehwi breathes out, a small smile tugging on his lips. “It’s only for a month, and then we’ll be out of each other’s lives once more.”

If Daniel knows something Daehwi doesn’t, or more like doesn’t want to admit, he doesn’t say it and Daehwi is thankful.

“Did you just come here because you were worried of my whereabouts these past few days?” Daehwi asks him.

Daniel gets up from his seat, sulking face all gone and now replaced with that giddy look he always pulls out when he’s overly excited. “Of course not. Dress up, we’re having brunch with Seongwoo.”

“Seongwoo hyung?” Daehwi jumps up from his seat. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner? I’ll go get ready,” he announces, immediately storming off towards his room to prepare.

Ong Seongwoo is Daniel’s college sweetheart now turned fiance, and soon husband with their grand wedding coming up real soon. They met back in their university days, Seongwoo a year older than him but they went into the the same practice studio and fate just tangled their red strings together since then. Although they're in rival dance organizations, Seongwoo had been friendly with Daniel, sometimes offering to help out when he messes up some moves. After school dance practices then turned into late night study sessions in coffee shops and then into dinner dates that ended up with Daniel spilling over his feelings like how he had spilled wine on Seongwoo’s suit the first night they went out.

Daehwi admires Daniel and Seongwoo’s relationship, how the two had managed to stay together through thick and thin for a whole eight years. Even when they fought, no matter how big the problem is, they would still make up by the end of the day. Daniel and Seongwoo were just meant for each other, fit each other like a glove. It was a dream relationship, something Daehwi hopes to find someday.

The car parks in front of one of Daniel’s cafes, this one themed with Rococo style. Daehwi immediately spots the familiar figure by the booth at the windowside the moment they step inside, skimming through the menu with his back facing the two.

Daehwi sprints towards him and tackles him in a hug, “Hyung!”

“Daehwi!” Seongwoo laughs. Daehwi lets go and beams at him. He looks just like how he used to before he left for New York, the only difference now is that he’s gotten a bit broader and tanner, but overall still the Ong Seongwoo Daehwi had grown to love and admire. “Daehwi, hi. It’s been a while.”

“It sure has! It’s been what? Four years?” Daehwi takes the seat across from him, the wide smile not disappearing from his face. “Hyung, I missed you!”

“Why does my bestfriend like seeing my boyfriend more than me? _Who_ was the one who has been with you since you were in your diapers?” Daniel pouts as he moves towards Seongwoo’s seat, the latter scooching over to the left to give him space to sit. He had brought along a waiter who had set down the food Daniel seemed to have ordered already before arriving. “You didn’t act this excited when I came over earlier, and we didn’t see each other in like two days.

“Niel hyung, shut up. _Two days_. I haven’t seen Seongwoo hyung in like half a decade,” Daehwi rolls his eyes.

 “Still!”

“Niel?” Seongwoo calls out to his boyfriend. Daniel immediately turns to him with that same fond eyes and soft smile he’s always had around Seongwoo for eight years that Daehwi would never admit to his face that he finds it endearing. “Shut up.”

Daniel pouts and slumps on his seat, while the two crack up in laughter.

Daehwi met Seongwoo back when Daniel took him along with him when he came back home to Busan during Daehwi’s graduation party, the two simply just friends then who spared each other shy glances whenever their hands touched or when the proximity between them was too small. Daehwi and Seongwoo shared the same interest in musicals and immediately clicked, Seongwoo now a renowned Broadway actor and Daehwi admiring him since forever. Daniel sometimes complains that Seongwoo videocalls Daehwi more than him, since Seongwoo was always ready to tell stories happening in Broadway or just talk about Daniel to Daehwi.

“So, Hwi,” Seongwoo prompts in the middle of their eating. Daehwi looks up at him, his mouth still filled with the omelette he had been munching on.  “How’s your homosexual agenda going?”

Daehwi nearly chokes on his food in startlement, immediately chugging down a glass of water. “Really hyung? We haven’t seen each other in four years, and _this_ is what you’re asking me first?”

Seongwoo shrugs, “What? It’s the first thing I thought of.”

“Aren’t you gonna ask how I’ve been doing or what I do for a living now or anything else that isn’t my nonexistent lovelife?” Daehwi suggests, taking a napkin out of a rack to wipe his mouth.

“Nah, I’ve heard about all those from Daniel already. That’s why I’m asking stuff I don’t know of yet,” Seongwoo props his chin up with his right arm. “So?”

“I just told you,” Daehwi sighs. “Nonexistent.”

“He’s lying,” Daniel contradicts, mouth still full of food so his voice comes out of muffled. He gulps it all down first and take a sip of his orange juice, before continuing, “He has a thing with Woojin.”

“Woojin?” Seongwoo quirks up a brow as he turns to Daehwi who was now facepalming like he would much rather have a different conversation. “Who’s Woojin?”

“Park Woojin,” Daniel answers for him. “Do you remember him? He was a junior in my dance org, and he joined us one time in practice. You even said he was pretty good, and you rarely compliment people.”

Seongwoo scrunches his forehead as he tries to remember and brightens up when he finally does, “Ah! Snaggletooth boy!” he turns to Daehwi questioningly. “You’re dating snaggletooth boy?”

“Hyung, he’s just a frie—“

“ _Boy_ friend. A friend that is a boy,” Daniel giggles like an elementary school kid. “But also a friend Daehwi sucks faces with.”

“Oh my god Kang Daniel, shut up. It was _one_ time,” Daehwi shouts in embarassment, cheeks flushed red.

“Kid, you’ve gone wild while I was away? Didn’t know you had that in you,” Seongwoo whistles, while Daehwi just chugs down the remains of his juice with his face burning. He nudges his elbow at Daniel’s arm. “Explain the kiss in full detail.”

“Hyung!”

The older men just laugh boisterously, while Daehwi just runs his hand through his hair and takes his nth glass of water. They’ve finished up the brunch set Daniel had his chefs prepare. Daniel raises an arm and signals for them to now serve dessert.

“I honestly thought you’d end up dating that guy,” Seongwoo says wistfully. “You looked like you’d make a cute couple.”

Daehwi turns to him questioningly, “Who?”

“The guy back in your graduation. Quite possibly the only guy you approached yourself,” Seongwoo says, his eyes wandering up the ceiling as if to recall what the boy had looked like. “You know, guy with the small face, really long neck, but his proportions are definitely top-tier. I saw you talk to him before you went over to us.”

Daehwi doesn’t even have to think twice who Seongwoo was talking about.

“Bae Jinyoung,” Daehwi answers curtly. “That was Bae Jinyoung, and no, we never really dated. Barely even talked during highschool.” From his peripheral, he can see Daniel’s eyes on him.

“Hm, well that’s too bad. You really did look good together. From my memory of you two talking, you two look like you wanted to tell each other so much more but he had to go so everything was cut short,” Daehwi knows Seongwoo had meant that as a harmless joke but the weight of the truth in it hit him hard.

_Daehwi had wanted to tell him to stay. Daehwi had wanted to tell him so much more, but he didn’t._

The waiter soon arrives with the orders. While the he sets down their trifles, Daniel opens up a new topic, this time the atmosphere no longer playful.

“I got a call last night,” he starts. “About the mansion.”

Daehwi doesn’t move, nor does he say anything. Seongwoo picks up his cup of coffee and sips from it, like he already knows, which Daehwi assumes could be true since Daniel always tells him everything. The silence just stretches on until Daehwi nods towards Daniel’s direction, urging him to continue.

“We couldn’t get the full name of the buyer since whoever bought it has tight connections and wanted even tighter security,” Daniel tells them. “I hired someone to look into it deeper despite that, but all we were able to acquire was the buyer’s last name.”

It’s really not supposed to matter anymore. The mansion was no longer under his name a long time ago. Whoever rich dude that had bought it should no longer be of his concern, but Daehwi finds himself asking for it, for the buyer’s identity. It should no longer matter, but Daehwi feels like it still does in a way.

“Park. His surname is Park.”

Daehwi still doesn’t move an inch nor does he make an attempt to lift his head up and say something.

“Do you know someone with the surname ‘Park’, Hwi?” Seongwoo asks.

“I know two,” Daehwi takes a deep breath. “But if it were them, it honestly wouldn’t make sense.”

“Park Woojin?” Seongwoo raises a brow. “Do you not think it’s him?”

Daehwi shakes his head, “Woojin barely even stays in his own penthouse, how much more alone in a gigantic mansion? He’s always at the apartment almost everyday that his place is basically a ghost town by now. And he wouldn’t have bought that for his parents either. The Parks already have like five old mansions in Busan. I don’t think they need another one.”

“Who’s the other ‘Park’ you know?” Daniel inquires.

“Jihoon,” Daehwi exhales. “But it also wouldn’t make sense if it was him.”

“Do you have anything to back that up?”

Daehwi shakes his head, “No. Just gut feeling.”

_And the feeling of indenial._

Daehwi knows Park Jihoon comes from a prestigious lineage. He knows that Jihoon’s family’s wealth could afford that mansion, but he doesn’t want to accuse him of something he had little to none evidence of. Not only because it would taint Jihoon’s name, but also because if it could match up to Jihoon, he knows it could possibly match up to Jinyoung as well.

And Daehwi doesn’t want to think that Jinyoung had anything to do with it.

He doesn’t tell Daniel that he knows another ‘Park’—Jinyoung’s mother.

 

***

 

“What.”

Jinyoung furrows up his eyebrows. “ _What?”_

“ _What_ are _those?_ ” Jihoon exclaims, hands moving animatedly to hint at the direction of the buffet filling up almost every available space in Jinyoung long eight-seater dining table. It was filled with gourmet meals that could be put alongside those from five-star restaurants. He lifts up the platter filled with smoke ham. _“What_ are _these?”_

“Food. Have you never seen food before?” Jinyoung rolls his eyes, but his ears were already starting to burn because he was getting flustered at Jihoon’s reaction. “Just sit down. The documentary crew would be here any moment.”

“Woah, what’s the special occasion?” they hear Guanlin ask as he makes his way into the kitchen, Euiwoong and the rest of the crew trailing shortly behind him. At the sight of them, Jinyoung feels the knot in his stomach and the curling of his toes. Jinyoung subtly searches through them to see a familiar blond, but immediately slumps back into his seat when he sees that he isn’t here yet.

“I just felt like making lunch, okay,” Jinyoung answers, avoiding everyone’s widened eyes.

 _“You_ made this, hyung?” Euiwoong stares at him wide-eyed. “No way? Are you serious?”

“I _can_ cook, okay?” Jinyoung responds through gritted teeth, now annoyed.

“I’m pretty sure I only saw ramyun packets in your cupboard,” Hyungseob retorts. “When did you start learning how to cook?”

Jihoon’s eyes widen as he claps his hands when he looks like he remembers something, “Is this the noise last night? I heard a ton of pans rattling but I just thought they were rodents. I even scheduled pest control today. Was that you?”

Jinyoung’s face is now a deeper shade of red as he lowers his head. “No.” But in fact, it _was_ him.

He had spend the entire night learning how to cook gourmet meals to serve for lunch today, and he’s not even exactly sure why. He just _felt_ like it. Suddenly, he just went and binge-watched cooking tutorials in youtube, and the next he’s buying ingredients and cooking up a storm. He doesn’t know why; he just did.

No, it’s not because he was trying to impress a certain blond producer. Most certainly not, he tries to convince the voice in his head that seem to say otherwise. Maybe he _did_ want to impress Daehwi.

So bad.

“How on earth did you even make all these?” Jihoon is still amazed as he grabs a fork and picks up a gambas. “Okay, _wow_ , these are actually pretty good too. What the hell, Jinyoung?”

“And you had the audacity to say I can’t cook,” Jinyoung shoots back playfully, feeling proud. “Can y’all just sit down already? I’m getting dizzy watching you all just standing there. Take a—“

“Hello, Lee PD?” he’s cut off when he hears Euiwoong answer his phone. The rest of the crew, along with Guanlin and Jihoon start taking their seats at the dining table while Euiwoong talks with Daehwi on the other end of the call. Jinyoung pretends he’s not hanging on to every word.

“He’s here,” Euiwoong announces.

“Great!” Jihoon says, mouth full of food. “Let him in and tell him to come join us. Jinyoung _cooked.”_

Jinyoung hears footsteps along with the fast beating of his heart drumming in his ears.

If he were to say he wasn’t ecstatic for this day to come the entire night, he’d put Pinocchio to shame with that one lie alone. He did, in fact, looked forward to this shoot, as much as he hates to admit it, that he barely slept a wink the night before.

Jinyoung did a lot of thinking last night. This was for a job. Daehwi was _here_ because of his job, and not because he had wanted to see him. Once the month is over, he’s gonna have to say goodbye to him all over again and the possibility of ever seeing him again is negative. He knows and have accepted that he still does have feelings for Daehwi, even after all these years. So Jinyoung tried to contain whatever feelings for Daehwi he has left in his system, and hope it’ll fade away quietly before the month ends. He hopes these feelings shrink, instead of growing more and more and make him lose control over them.

But he just couldn’t help but look forward to seeing Daehwi again.

Jinyoung tries to act as unaffected and nonchalant as possible, as Daehwi makes his way towards them with a smile. It doesn’t last long though. He immediately grabs on to a glass of orange juice and drinks it all up in one go.

Daehwi’s just wearing a striped black and white sweater, and the ripped jeans that seem to be a constant in his style, but Jinyoung still thinks he’s too fucking beautiful for his own good. He knows he’s about to lose it.

So he stabs a piece of ham with a bit too much force, and nibbles on it as he averts his gaze away from him.

“Daehwi!” Jihoon greets. “Come join us. Have you eaten lunch yet?”

From Jinyoung’s peripheral, he catches Daehwi turn his way for a moment before saying, “Ah, thanks for the offer, but I already ate. I’ll just wait for you guys to finish at the living room.”

“I passed by you earlier when I was on my way here,” Euiwoong says in between chews. “I saw you at that new fancy café near the Andromeda building with a guy. Lee PD, were you on a date earlier?” he asks in a teasing tone that nearly made Jinyoung drop his saucer.

_Fancy café….near Andromeda? Was Daehwi on a date with Woojin—_

“Oh, I was with my bestfriend and his fiance,” Daehwi answers before he could even ask, as if Jinyoung would even dare to ask who he was with at lunch or any other time. “He owns the place. They just invited me for brunch to discuss their wedding stuff and a lot of catching up.”

Jinyoung quietly lets out the breath he didn’t realize he was holding.

“Oh, Somi, it’s been awhile,” it’s only when Guanlin says a familiar name that Jinyoung finally lifts his head up to look at Daehwi. Their eyes meet for a moment, Daehwi being the first to break away. Jinyoung shifts his gaze at the woman beside him, an all too familiar face.

“Oh, Jeon Somi,” Jinyoung greets with a small smile. “It’s been awhile. What’re you doing here?”

“I asked her to help out today,” came Daehwi’s answer instead. Jinyoung’s lips purse into a thin line, and he hates the fact that even Daehwi’s voice alone can affect him so much.

“Daehwi asked me if I could serve as an interviewer,” Somi continues this time. “And of course I agreed. It’s for _the_ Bae Jinyoung after all.”

Jeon Somi had been their classmate back in highschool, and Jinyoung remembers her being close with Daehwi. It doesn’t come as a surprise that they still manage to keep in touch after all this time.

“We’ll wait for you guys to finish at the living room,” Daehwi tells them before pulling Somi by the hand towards that direction. “We’ll set up everything while we’re at it.”

“Okay, okay! We’ll be right over!” Euiwoong replies.

Jinyoung tries to fight back the surge of disappointment that was starting to crawl inside his system, as he watches him walk away until his back is out of sight.

“Did Daehwi even spare this buffet a glance?” Jihoon snickers as he elbows Jinyoung teasingly. “You made this all for him, didn’t you? But he didn’t even look at it.”

Jinyoung drinks up the remains from his glass, before standing up but not bothering to give Jihoon even a millisecond of a glance.

“Why would I waste my energy on that?”

But he did. He did waste energy and effort and a good night’s rest for Daehwi. Jinyoung fights back any feeling of remorse creeping its way towards him whatsoever.

 

***

 

The documentary shooting starts a good thirty minutes after he and Somi had left the dining room.

He tries to push back his earlier conversation with her when they had left, although it just so fucking hard because the words keep on echoing over and over in his head.

“Didn’t you use to like Jinyoung back in high school?” Somi had inquired earlier.

“Uh,” not really a smart response but it was all Daehwi could muster at the sudden question.

“Oh, come on. _Everybody_ in highschool knows about your unrequited love for Jinyoung back then. Only an idiot could not see those googly eyes and the blushing of your cheeks everytime you make eye contact,” Somi points out, making Daehwi even more flustered. “By idiot, I mean Bae Jinyoung himself, who ironicially, is also our class valedictorian.”

Daehwi feels like it was no use to even deny it, so he simply lets out a sigh.

“Has he always been quite the chef?” Somi asks.

“I don’t really remember,” Daehwi replies honestly. He doesn’t remember ever seeing Jinyoung cook anything that isn’t ramyeon.

“Have you seen all those food? Didn’t Jihoon say Jinyoung made all those himself?” Somi gushes. “Did he prepare all that because you were coming? Oh my god, what if he learned how to cook because of you?”

Daehwi feels his ears burn till the tips as he playfully hits Somi with the rolled outline, “Highly unlikely.”

_Did he really?_

Daehwi shakes his head, and tries not to think too much about it. He can’t keep getting his hopes up like this.

He starts setting up the camera and everything else needed on today’s set, trying to clear his mind of thoughts about Jinyoung going to extents for him.

Even if Daehwi remembers Jinyoung doing just that before as well.

 

Daehwi gives a brief explanation on the concept of the whole film, as Jinyoung and his crew gather in a semi-circle by the living room, listening intently and hanging onto his every word. The main theme of the documentary was dreams, and the pursuit of it. Jinyoung’s entire life was to be laid out to the public as an inspiration to the youth who feels like success is lightyears away and is unattainable.

Daehwi thinks Jinyoung is the perfect role model for that after what he had been through his entire life. He was the epitome of a diamond in the rough, and the personification of anything is possible.

He steals subtle glances at him in between the presentation, Jinyoung catching each one of them every single time that he feels his ears burn as Daehwi slowly feels like his about to lose his words.

“So, uh, today we’ll be shooting the introductory segment,” Daehwi tells them. “Just to give the viewers background information about you. You know, the basic stuff. Somi’s gonna be the one in charge of that.”

“Yes,” She nods at Jinyoung’s direction. “So should we get started now?”

“Sure,” Jinyoung shrugs as he gets up from the couch and moves towards the bean bag that had been placed at the center, directly facing the camera Daehwi was now setting up. “The sooner we start, the sooner it ends.”

For a moment, Daehwi thinks he hears the lie coating his words, but he thinks that it’s probably just his reflex system saving him from the hurt that came along with the fact that Jinyoung wants this shooting, the only time he’ll probably see him in this lifetime, to be over and done with.

Jinyoung probably doesn’t want to see him again after this.

Daehwi turns on the camera, and the filming starts.

The introduction is simply just the basics. Jinyoung talks about his personal information, that his fans probably have memorized at the back of their hands, as well as Jinyoung’s educational background. Jinyoung answers all the questions thrown at him with ease and nonchalance, the constant shrug here and there.

Daehwi tries not to get too distracted everytime he puts the focus on Jinyoung whenever the corners of his lips lift up into a smile that sends a million a butterflies and a stampede of elephants in his heart.

“To spice things up a bit,” Somi grins at Daehwi’s direction before holding up her cue cards again. “I opened up a question box online for fans to drop anything they’re curious about you. We’ll let you answer five of the most common ones. Sound good?”

“Go ahead. Drop them all,” Jinyoung smirks, fingers tapping on the coffee table beside him.

“Okay, first question. Bae Jinyoung, who now only have a few years left until you turn thirty,” Somi reads from the cue card she’s holding. “What is it that you want to do before that time comes?”

“Before I turn thirty?” Jinyoung repeats to which Somi nods to. “Hm, there isn’t much I haven’t already done to be quite honest,” he laughs for a moment before going back to think about his answer more. “Publish a book? Yeah, that would be nice. Hold my own solo concert too, but that’s already happening next week. What else…”

“Actually get a boyfriend!” Jihoon shouts from behind Daehwi, sending Guanlin and the rest of the crew into a round of laughter. Daehwi feels his hands go clammy.

“Oh dear, has Bae Jinyoung never dated anybody before? Like _ever_?” Somi stares at him in disbelief.

“Not really never, but—“

“Who are you lying to, Mister I-Never-Call-Anybody-After-The-First-Date-Ever? Mister I-Give-Them-My-Number-But-Change-Mine-Immediately-Because-They’re-All-Annoying?” this time, it’s Guanlin who comments, and their makeshift audience breaks into another sequence of laughs.

Jinyoung sinks into the bean bag he’s sitting, groaning.

“I think the viewers need an explanation, Jinyoung,” Somi prompts.

Daehwi tries to fight the curiosity that was making his stomach churn.

Jinyoung sighs, “I’ve gone out on a few dates before. That’s not a lie, but you know, they just never seem to work out, I guess. All of them. That’s why I never was able to settle.”

Daehwi feels his grip on the camera tighten.

“So you never really had a boyfriend before? Unbelievable.”

Jinyoung purses his lips, like he’s in deep thought. He moves his head up slightly, and Daehwi almost thinks he was daydreaming again when their eyes make contact, until Jinyoung speaks up.

“I did have a boyfriend before, but I don’t think you’re gonna accept this as an answer,” Jinyoung laughs a little and Daehwi’s sure he’s really not daydreaming this time when Jinyoung doesn’t seem to look away, eyes fixed on his with that look that Daehwi knows mean something more. So much more.

“Why would you think I won’t accept it?”

“Because we only dated for two days,” Jinyoung answers with another laugh, with Daehwi nearly letting go of his camera. His eyes are still on Daehwi, the playful smirk still tugging on his lips like he’s making sure Daehwi remembers.

Daehwi does. He never forgot.

_Fuck you, Bae Jinyoung._

“Two days? Seriously? Just a whole forty-eight hours?” Somi gawks at him.

“I don’t think it even reached forty eight hours,” Jinyoung muses, eyes now on Somi. “The two days weren’t consecutive by the way. The first day back when I was in highschool, and the second day back when we met again in college.”

The tripod might just break at how tight Daehwi’s grip was on it.

“ _What_?” Somi stares in astonishment, elongating the ‘a’. “But it was the same person?”

“Yes,” Jinyoung shifts his gaze back on Daehwi, the smirk replaced with what seems to be his attempt of a soft smile. It’s working though, because Daehwi feels like he’s turning into a puddle. “I’ve only ever called one person ‘my boyfriend’. That person should feel absolutely special.”

“Indeed,” Somi agrees. “After all, he had Jinyoung as a boyfriend before, even if it’s just two days. That person might be watching now, Jinyoung. Can you leave him a messsage?”

“Sure,” Jinyoung grins before directly facing at the camera, directly staring onto the lens, and onto Daehwi’s eyes. “Hi. I guess I can call you my ex now? I hope you’re doing well, wherever you are now. Always remember that whatever I said back then, I meant every single word.”

And then he winks at him. He _fucking_ winks at him all of a sudden.

Daehwi takes it back. He doesn’t feel like he’s turned into a puddle; he feel like he’s turned into a bonfire.

 _Fuck you, Bae Jinyoung,_ Daehwi curses him in his head for the second time around and it’s only been ten minutes.

_Fuck you, Bae Jinyoung. Just fuck you._

 

***

 

“Jinyoung,” the girl in front of them inhales deeply before eyeing Daehwi from head to toe, “Who’s this?”

Daehwi feels an arm rest lazily on his shoulder, and the next thing he knows he’s pulled to a side hug, the close proximity making it hard for him to breathe. He feels the momentary brushing of Jinyoung’s lips at the back of his head and Daehwi thinks he’s about to lose it.

“I told you before, didn’t I?” Jinyoung says with that carefree tone Daehwi doesn’t remember ever hearing before. “This is my boyfriend, Daehwi. Babe, say hi.”

Daehwi really is about to lose it. What the actual _fuck_ was going on?

“Are you fucking serious?” the girl looks at him incredulously before letting out a bitter scoff and storming out of the restaurant, 6-inch heels angrily clinking against the tiled floor.

It’s only when the girl is out of sight that Daehwi breaks away from his hold and jabs Jinyoung in the stomach.

“Ow! What the fuck was that for?”

“I should be the one asking that question!” Daehwi screams, turning a few heads towards their direction. “You said there was a fucking emergency! Oh my god, I never should have trusted you. I should’ve known that something was up when you called me instead of anybody else.”

“You’re my speed dial number one, though,” Jinyoung lifts up his phone as proof, and indeed, Daehwi’s contact was listed first.  
Daehwi ignores the weird warmth spreading across his chest.

“Don’t call me if you’re only going to use me to get people to stop hitting on you. Deal with your own problems yourself,” Daehwi stands up and is about to leave when Jinyoung grabs him by the hand.

“How else am I supposed to get you to meet up with me? You never answer my calls nor reply to my texts,” Jinyoung shoots back.

“But that doesn’t mean you should fake an accident just so I could pretend to be your boyfriend without even asking for my permission first!” Daehwi exclaims exasperatedly.

“Alright,” Jinyoung says, expression passive. “Will you be my boyfriend?”

Daehwi blinks, “What?”

“You said to ask for your permission first, right?” Jinyoung grins. He stands up, height towering Daehwi’s. “Lee Daehwi, I like you. Will you be my boyfriend?”

For a moment there, Daehwi almost falls for it. For a moment, he almost thinks the words Jinyoung had just let go were something he actually meant, that the weight of those meant the same to Jinyoung as it had to him.

But Daehwi knows Jinyoung, and Jinyoung isn’t like that.

Daehwi stares at him incredulously for a moment before stomping hard on his left foot. “That’s not how it fucking works, you dipshit.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the last bit will be further elaborated later lol also!!!!! chapter 8 wont be up until my christmas break (dec 21) so the next update's gonna be up by then. thx for reading!!! attack me on twt : @jinhwi_twt or my cc: http://curiouscat.me/deepdarks !!


	8. eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HERE'S 11K WORDS TO MAKE UP FOR NOT UPDATING FOR SO LONG I HOPE YOU ENJOY SOBS I DONT EVEN KNOW ABOUT THIS ONE THERES STILL MORE CONFUSION BUT BAE JINYOUNG HERE IS :-)

_“Always remember that whatever I said back then, I meant every single word.”_

Jinyoung says it without pretense, and it’s the lack of it that Daehwi’s about to lose his mind and sanity, and most of all, the loose control he has over his emotions before they start spilling in front of him like a dam with Jinyoung having no intention whatsoever to catch every ounce of it.

But then Jinyoung smirks, and the mood is ruined.

Daehwi wants to punch that smirk off his face, and that wink. _Oh my fucking god, that godforsaken wink._

“You big fat liar,” he whispers as he closes the clip and groans his frustrations out into the void. “I hate him. I hate him so damn much. He’s an asshole. Oh my god, I hate him so fucking much. Why must I go through this?”

“You’ve said that over and over like fifty times now. Are you done?” Samuel comments as he wipes the crumbs of the donut he’s been munching on off of his pants. “And you’ve been watching that clip on loop ever since I went inside your office like thirty minutes ago, but I’m pretty sure you’ve been watching it before I even got here.”

Daehwi doesn’t bother denying, because he’s right. He’s been glued to this chair since nine in the morning, the clock now at half past twelve. Woojin had given him his own office after his supposed promotion of scoring the documentary shoot with Jinyoung, and he hasn’t left it since getting inside three hours ago.

“That is not the point, Muel,” Daehwi hisses as he turns his swivel chair away from the computer to face Samuel who was now lying on the couch with a magazine flipped open. “The point here is Bae Jinyoung is an asshat and this should not be aired on live television.”

Samuel furrows his eyebrows, “Why?”

“Because he’s a jerk.”

“No, why are you mad? Now that I think about it, there isn’t really anything wrong with what he said. It’s just a message to his ex-boyfriend,” Samuel squints at him, and Daehwi looks at him like a deer caught in headlights. “Why are you so affected? Do you know who his ex is?”

“A friend,” Daehwi lies. “His ex is my friend. From college.”

Samuel quirks up a brow before turning his gaze back to the magazine he was reading. “Okay, but I still don’t understand why you’re so mad at him. If I didn’t know any better, I would think _you_ were his ex. Like, what are the chances, right?”

Daehwi freezes, but when he hears the continuous flips of the magazine pages, he lets out a relieved sigh. He turns his head back to his computer and opens another video file from his first shoot with Jinyoung a week ago.

It’s been a week, and he hasn’t seen Jinyoung since then but it still bothers him to no end.

_“I meant every single word.”_

_Lies._

_“I love you, Lee Daehwi. I always had.”_

_But what if they aren’t?_

Daehwi shakes his head, as he grabs his mug and drinks up what remains of his coffee that had now gone stale. The video starts at Jinyoung’s Q & A with the fans’ questions that were sent online, the part after Jinyoung’s public message to his _ex_.

His eyes roam from the uneven shape of Jinyoung’s eyes to the hook of his nose and to his lips whose corners go up at every word, failing miserably at trying to shove the thought of Jinyoung looking just so goddamn beautiful even on screen out of his mind and system.

 _“Okay, second question. Bae Jinyoung, who isn’t interested in girls, what do you look for in a guy? What is your ideal type?”_ he hears Somi ask him. Daehwi watches as Jinyoung looks up a bit, as if in deep thought before pursing his lips.

_“I don’t have a type, though.”_

_“That can’t be it. I’m sure you have at least one trait you’d like your partner to have,”_ Somi prompts.

Jinyoung faces the camera again, and Daehwi just takes a deep breath at how this is making his job extra hard. Then Jinyoung just smirks again, and Daehwi is fighting the urge to pull the plug.

 _“Can I just describe the only boy I ever did like? He’s my only type,”_ Jinyoung tells Somi, but his eyes are locked on the camera.

_“Hmm. That could work too. Sure.”_

_“Okay, if anything he’s like fire,”_ Jinyoung pauses, the smirk now replaced with a soft smile, and Daehwi feels electricity course through him. _“He’s like this bright burning flame that is vibrantly alive. He’s this beautiful ball of fire spitting sparks out at the world. A fire that fights for territory, a fire that loves and hates. A fire that’s sure of himself and where he wants to go. He doesn’t just settle, and he doesn’t just get by.”_

 _“Oooh, I didn’t know you were quite the poet, Jinyoung,”_ Somi compliments to which Jinyoung replies with a small laugh.

Daehwi’s not entirely sure if he’s still breathing, but his eyes are fixed on the screen and his palms are beginning to sweat like mad. His grip on the mouse tightens.

_“He’s like the sun, and the moon, and the stars. He has the most beautiful pair of uneven eyes, like you’re seeing the cosmos in them. He smiles really pretty too, laughs adorably, and loves his brother the most—“_

“Is he referring to you?” Daehwi hears someone ask behind him and he exits the video in startlement. “Why did you close it? It sounds like you.”

“For god’s sake, Woojin, please knock on the door before you come in,” Daehwi breathes out, eyes still wide in shock as he turns his swivel chair to face Woojin fully.

“He did knock. I opened the door for him,” Samuel says from behind. Daehwi just grits his teeth.

“Was that for the documentary film?” Woojin inquires.

“Your tie is a mess,” is what Daehwi replies instead as he stands up to quickly fix it for him.

“I watched the other cuts too since Jihoon sent them over,” Woojin continues, voice barely audible so Samuel can’t hear. Daehwi’s hands freeze at the words. “Jinyoung means you, right? All of the things he said, it only points out to you.”

“He probably dated someone in high school that I didn’t know of,” Daehwi tries to dismiss as he sweeps nonexistent lint off of Woojin’s suit. “I mean, we weren’t close even back then so there are things I wouldn’t know of.”

“You know it’s you, right?” Woojin tells him, eyes fixed on Daehwi’s who was busy trying to evade them. “It can only be you.”

Daehwi knows. He knows it’s him, but it’s the acceptance of the truth that scares him. The acceptance of everything they were before and everything Jinyoung said to him then were all real and genuine. It’s the genuineness of everything Jinyoung made him feel and what Jinyoung said he felt for him that scares him.

Because if they were real, then he would begin to hope again. Of going back to the way they used to. Of Jinyoung still feeling the same way. Of everything Daehwi had abandoned because he was scared of getting hurt. Again and again and again.

Daehwi doesn’t want to hope again.

“It’s not me, trust me,” Daehwi manages to tell Woojin with a smile. “Now, what brings you here?”

If Woojin catches the way his voice broke at the last bit and how Daehwi seems to be a little unsteady, he doesn’t say it. “I just wanted to check if you weren’t stressing yourself too much with this project. I heard Jinyoung can be quite a handful.”

“Very,” Daehwi sighs. “But this isn’t a job I can’t handle so don’t worry too much. I’m fine.”

“You sure? He isn’t giving you a hard time?”

“Yeah. We barely even acknowledge each other,” he tells him, but it feels like a lie. Daehwi tries not to think too much about the eye contacts or the shared glances or any of the other things.

Woojin gives him a small smile, “Okay. I also wanted to ask you if you wanted to go grab lunch together?”

Daehwi turns to his watch, the clock hands already a little past one in the afternoon. “Oh, sorry, I can’t today. I’m meeting up with Seongwoo hyung for his wedding preparations. He asked me to help out.”

“Oh,” Daehwi can hear the disappointment in his voice. “Okay. Dinner?”

Daehwi turns to him apologetically, “I can’t either. I have to go to Jinyoung’s concert tonight at six. I’m really sorry. What about tomorrow?”

Woojin just laughs as he plays with Daehwi’s fringe before meeting his gaze with a soft smile. “It’s alright. Sure, tomorrow’s fine. Promise you’ll reserve the whole day for me? It’s been a while since we hang out with just us.”

Daehwi returns the smile, as he grabs Woojin’s hand and locks his pinky with his own. “I promise. It has been a while. I miss hanging out with you.”

“I miss you,” Woojin shoots back, and Daehwi unintentionally pauses for a moment. Woojin grins before mussing his hair. “Well, I gotta go. I have a meeting with the board today. Good luck with your shoot!”

“Uh, yeah,” Daehwi barely manages to say. Woojin gives him a small smile before waving goodbye to him and Samuel and walking out of his office. Samuel turns to Daehwi with an amused look.

“Wow, big boss seems hella whipped alright. Are you dating now?”

“Please don’t say that,” Daehwi sighs as he starts fixing his things. He grabs his camera bag, sling hanging on his right shoulder . “Woojin and I are just friends.”

“Doesn’t seem like it though. You may think you’re just friends but that doesn’t seem to be the case with him,” Samuel continues to tease. “He looks at you with those big googly eyes. It’s disgustingly cute. Is there really no chance of you two…you know, becoming a thing?”

Daehwi just rolls his eyes, “I just see him as a friend, okay?” He adjusts the sling of his bag on his shoulder. “Look, I gotta go now. Just lock the door if you’re going back to your cubicle and actually do your job,” he tells him before flicking him in the forehead.

“Hey! I _do_ work okay. It’s my lunch break at the moment.”

Daehwi just sticks his tongue out at him before opening the door, but then he sees the one boy he really doesn’t wanna see right now—well, supposedly not until six pm. He tries to hide his startlement by glaring at Jinyoung who was now standing outside his office door with a suspicious-looking grin.

“What are you doing here?” Daehwi tries to ask casually, even when the proximity seems to be slowly sucking the air out of his lungs. He takes a small step back.

“I came to give you your ticket and backstage pass for tonight,” Jinyoung answers as he hands him an envelope, the grin now subsiding but Daehwi can still detect the weird happy vibe emanating from him. “Jihoon forgot to give it to you when you were at my place.”

“You should’ve just let Jihoon give it to me instead. You know you can’t just walk freely around downtown. There was no need for you to drive all the way here wearing that garb,” Daehwi takes the envelope from him as he studies what Jinyoung was wearing from head to toe.

He was wearing an extra thick coat over a dark turtleneck, mask and sunglasses on along with a beanie. Overall, Bae Jinyoung looked like every suspicious-looking men in dramas that are predictably muggers or some hired assassin of sorts, and based from all the camera phones lifted up towards their directions and all the flash every millisecond, his cover was an absolute failure.

Jinyoung takes off the glasses and pulls down his mask. “I also wanted an excuse to go see you.”

Daehwi hears Samuel’s audible gasp behind him. He turns to Jinyoung with his eyebrows furrowed. Whatever push and pull game Jinyoung is playing right now, he wasn’t going to take part of it.

Even if he feels like being pulled every single time.

Daehwi crosses his arms, “That’s not a good joke.”

“Because it isn’t a joke,” Jinyoung shoots back, and Daehwi feels like all the air in his lungs leave him completely. He eyes the bag slung on Daehwi’s shoulder. “Were you just leaving? Where are you going?”

“Somewhere.”

“I’ll drive you there,” Jinyoung offers. “I know you’re going to reject the offer anyway, but I just wanted to say that either way.”

Last week, Jinyoung would’ve hopped on the last train off to Neverland in a heartbeat if it meant never seeing Daehwi again, but now he was here, offering Daehwi a ride. Daehwi would’ve been skeptic about everything now and should have had his fair share of doubts on what Jinyoung was trying to accomplish exactly, but then he remembers the kiss the day they met again and how Jinyoung broke down in front of him.

And no matter how much Daehwi wills himself to believe that Jinyoung doesn’t want to have anything to do with him ever again, his mind takes him back to that day.

_“I missed you…goddammit, I missed you so much. Why did you leave me, Hwi?”_

And then he finds himself hoping, over and over again. More than he wants to, more than he’s ever even allowed to.

“Do you know Fleur’s?” Daehwi finds himself asking, Jinyoung seemingly taken aback. “It’s a tailoring shop. It’s right next to—“

“Uh, I know where it is,” Jinyoung tells him. “I get my suits done there as well.”

“Oh, uh, okay.”

“Can I...” Jinyoung pauses, as if he’s still contemplating whether to continue asking or not. He takes a deep breath. “Can I drive you there?”

“If it’s not too much of a bother,” Daehwi answers, biting down on his lower lip after.

“It’s fine. I offered anyway,” Jinyoung assures him. “Uh, let’s go?”

Daehwi nods as he walks on ahead, Jinyoung trailing behind him. He can feel all the forty pairs of eyes burning holes at them. He can hear the whispers of disbelief of his officemates as they past each cubicle one by one on their way to the elevator.

_“Isn’t that Bae Jinyoung? The actor? What’s he doing with that leech?”_

Daehwi closes his eyes and takes in a deep breath, trying not to think too much about the storm of insults and questions heading his way by the time he gets back to his station.

“You seem popular,” Jinyoung muses, the hint of amusement evident in his tone.

“A Hallyu star was just spotted coming into my office and now I’m walking alongside him and towards his car. That kind of stuff gets your name in headlines,” Daehwi rolls his eyes as he steps into the elevator and presses the button for ground floor.

“I heard somebody call you leech earlier,” Jinyoung says, voice no longer playful. “Do you get those often?”

“I pretend I don’t hear them. They’re not worth my time.”

“So you do hear them often,” Jinyoung concludes. The elevator lets out a ting, signalling them that they’ve reached their floor. Daehwi doesn’t answer him and just proceeds on walking towards the main entrance, ignoring all the curious gawking directed their way.

He really should’ve thought it through when he agreed to Jinyoung driving him to where he was supposed to meet Seongwoo.

_Goddammit, Bae Jinyoung, do you not have any disguises that aren’t too suspicious and obvious?_

 

***

 

“He’s like the sun, and the moon, and the stars. He has the most beautiful pair of uneven eyes, like you’re seeing the cosmos in them. He smiles really pretty too, laughs adorably, and loves his brother the most,” Jinyoung stares right into the lens of the camera that Daehwi was holding, like he was staring right into his eyes themselves.

Because Jinyoung wants Daehwi to know.

“And I think that’s what I like about him the most. He has so much love to give to the world, and every ounce of it just feels so genuine.”

_That I delude myself sometimes that what he said he felt for me before was real too._

“Wow,” Somi comments, stunned. “You’re in it deep, my friend.”

“That was before,” Jinyoung laughs. “I’m saying everything from memory. We haven’t seen each other in years, so I’m not sure if the feeling is still the same.”

He glances up to look at Daehwi, but with his face buried in the camera, Jinyoung can’t see his reaction.

He admits he feels like an absolute douchebag for spilling all of these in the documentary, but in his defense, Daehwi had asked for this. He had wanted to shoot the documentary about Jinyoung’s life, and even with the whole seven-year gap of not seeing each other, both of them can’t deny that the two of them had been a huge part of each other’s lives.

Jinyoung has the option to lie. Nobody, but the people who’ve been witnesses to the truth, will be able to tell. He’s an actor. It’s his job to act.

But then he doesn’t feel like lying, not when he’s lost control over his emotions and he’s now just spilling every ounce of it like a dam, right in front of the camera Daehwi himself is holding.

The only lie he had said was the last sentence. Yeah, he and Daehwi have not seen each other in seven years, but Jinyoung knows the feeling is still the same. It never really changed.

To Jinyoung, Daehwi was and still is the fire that doesn’t settle and just get by. Lee Daehwi is still that beautiful ball of fire, and if Jinyoung reached him—if he so much as to try and touch him—he’d get burned.

But then Daehwi lifts his head up away from the camera, eyes now on his, and Jinyoung just finds it in himself the want—the need—to reach him.

So what if he gets burned. So what if he’s been holding on to something uncertain all this time.

Jinyoung’s tired of pretending that the sight of Lee Daehwi doesn’t get him up on his toes. Tired of pushing away everything just because he was hurt. Because Daehwi hurt him.

He doesn’t mind getting broken and fixed over and over again, if it meant seeing Daehwi again.

“Question number three, has Bae Jinyoung ever fallen in love? Can you share with us the story of your first love?” Somi reads out from her cue cards. “These questions are all chosen by a randomizer, but coincidentally, they’re all about your lovelife. But yes, please do share.”

“I’ve only ever fallen in love once. It’s still the same boy,” Jinyoung answers as he watches Daehwi try to evade his gaze as he works with the video camera. “I realized I liked him during my freshmen year in highschool, but I know I liked him way before that. All it took was one  petty fight at the playground back in kindergarten, and me carrying him home because he scraped his knee to have me wrapped around his finger.”

Daehwi lifts a finger up, and Euiwoong closes a slate in front of the camera. Jinyoung watches as he turns to Somi with a tired smile. “Let’s have a twenty-minute break. I’m sure we can all use some.”

“Okay, thank god, because I’ve been wanting to go to the bathroom like ten minutes ago,” Somi laughs as she gets up from her seat and heads towards the direction of the bathroom.

“I’m gonna go get some fresh air,” Daehwi pats Euiwoong on the shoulder and walks towards the veranda. Jinyoung finds his legs following after him before even realizing what he was doing.

Jinyoung thinks he’s imagining it when he sees Daehwi lift up a stick towards his mouth, but then he opens the sliding door and steps into the veranda after him, the smell of cigarette enough of a reality check.

“You’re smoking.”

Daehwi turns to him wordlessly for a moment, before letting out a puff of smoke. “Way to state the obvious. What do you want?”

“You don’t smoke,” Jinyoung tells him.

“We haven’t seen each other in seven years,” Daehwi gives him a small smile. “People change, Jinyoung. Don’t think that you know who I am now, just because you knew who I was before.”

“You said you hated smokers.”

Daehwi gives him that look again. The look Jinyoung can’t seem to understand. Daehwi’s eyes seem to cloud over before letting out a chuckle and a shrug. “Like I said, people change.”

Jinyoung takes the cigarette from his hand, and steps on it, the flame quickly dying. Daehwi rolls his eyes.

“And now you’re gonna start acting like you care about me?” Daehwi lets out a laugh but it falls flat and forced, and everything Daehwi’s usual laugh isn’t. “Why are you doing this, Jinyoung?”

For a moment, Jinyoung almost thinks Daehwi meant the cigarette. Almost.

But then Daehwi looks at him with those eyes again. It’s that same look again that Jinyoung could never ever comprehend. It’s the look he gave him when he had asked him why he hated him, back in freshmen year and in senior year by the cliff overlooking the city. It’s the same look he gave him when he had told him Jinyoung was the one he’ll miss forever, the look he gave him when he said he’ll miss him the day he left after graduation.

Daehwi has the same look now back when Jinyoung had told him he missed him after seven years of chasing after his ghost.

Jinyoung knows Daehwi meant something more other than the fucking cigarette. This wasn’t about the cigarette anymore.

“I don’t know,” he tells him the truth, because Jinyoung doesn’t know. He has no fucking idea anymore just what the hell he wants other than seeing Daehwi again. It’s making it hard for him to breathe; it’s making everything feel too much for him. It’s making his lungs feel small, his heart feel tight, yet it’s a feeling that’s overwhelmingly gratifying.

It hurts him, but why does it feel right?

Jinyoung takes a step forward, and then another—one, two, three more steps until there’s barely any distance left between the two of them.

“Daehwi, I don’t know. I don’t fucking know,” he whispers to him, Daehwi’s eyes on their feet. “I spent the past seven years telling everyone I hated you. That I don’t fucking care anymore. That whatever thing we had going on before was all in the past, and that I never ever want to see you again.”

 Jinyoung takes a deep breath, and it’s only when he looks down that he sees his hands shaking even more than usual. He lets out another loud exhale.

“But I’ve always been a liar, haven’t I? I’ve always been so good at pretending. Like how I pretended I hated you our entire childhood, like how I pretended I didn’t care about you anymore after you left me years ago. Like how I pretended it didn’t hurt anymore,” Jinyoung continues, voice slowly breaking. “But more than trying to convince other people, it was more like trying me to convince myself. I spent seven years trying to convince myself that you don’t matter to me anymore, and I thought I was finally okay. But then suddenly, you’re here. You’re back in my life again.”

He places both his palms at the side of Daehwi’s cheeks and cups his face up to meet his gaze. Daehwi’s eyes are glassy and red and sad and lonely and everything Jinyoung doesn’t want them to be.

“You’re back in my life again, but it still feels like you’re not,” Jinyoung gives him a sad smile. “You’re in front of me but why does it feel like you’re still so far away?”

“Jinyoung…”

“I hate it. It only took one look at you to send me flying back to square one. I’m back to where you left me,” Jinyoung’s vision starts to haze and it’s only then that he realizes there are now tears rimming his eyelids. “But then again, it feels like I never really left. It feels like I’ve been glued to that very spot since seven years ago, and was only living in hallucinations of being set free. But you seem to be doing well.”

Daehwi doesn’t say anything. Jinyoung lets him go as he takes a step back, eyes not leaving Daehwi’s.

“Daehwi, I missed you,” Jinyoung tells him. “You don’t have to miss me back. I missed you, and now you’re here, but why do I still keep on missing you?”

Daehwi doesn’t say a word and just continues to stare at him with that same look Jinyoung wants him to just spell it all out with words instead.

“And I still do love you. You don’t have to love me back either. I just wanted to get that off my chest,” Jinyoung forces himself to smile, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “Lee Daehwi, I love you. I always had.”

Jinyoung wants to reach out and hold Daehwi’s hand tight, but he stops himself. He has bared what he has been pushing down the past seven years already, even when he’s not sure Daehwi would be there to accept and mend the broken pieces he’s been trying so hard to fix by himself this entire time.

He’s bared himself open to Daehwi enough. He shouldn’t hurt himself more.

“You’re a good actor,” is the only response Daehwi gives him before he walks past him to get back inside. Jinyoung doesn’t go after him like what his mind tells him to.

He wouldn’t believe himself either if he was in Daehwi’s shoes, after everything he’s done. Daehwi hurt him, but Jinyoung hurt him more.

When he gets back inside, the set had been cleaned up. Euiwoong and the crew are having snacks at the kitchen. Jihoon and Guanlin are in the living room, watching TV wordlessly; they don’t ask him questions. Daehwi was nowhere in sight.

And Jinyoung thinks his chest is too small for his lungs that he’s having trouble breathing.

 

***

 

Jinyoung stops the car at a red light. They haven’t spoken since they left.

Daehwi tries not to think about everything Jinyoung had said to him then. He tries not to give it too much thought, because the more he thinks about it, the more he’ll start believing in them, and the more he believes in them, the more he’ll hope and trust again.

Daehwi’s tired of giving his trust to people and only having it broken in front of him like twigs under people’s soles. He’s tired of hurting, and hoping. He’s tired and scared.

Hope is a scary thing.

“Uh, turn to the right,” Daehwi breaks the silence when he sees the huge signboard of the tailoring shop he was supposed to meet Seongwoo at. “Just drive straight ahead.”

Jinyoung nods and maneuvers his car towards the direction Daehwi was pointing. He parks right in front of the three-storey commercial building, the sign _Fleur’s_ glaring at them in cursive and blinking lights. Daehwi steps off the car, with Jinyoung watching him with a small smile.

“Thanks for the ride,” Daehwi manages to say, even when the air feels like it’s slowly leaving his lungs.

He sees Jinyoung let out a deep breath too, before he answers, “No problem. I’ll see you later?”

Daehwi nods, and Jinyoung starts the engine again. He’s about to turn around and walk inside, when Jinyoung calls his name and stops him in his tracks.

“I meant what I said. You may not want to believe me anymore, but I do mean every single word.”

Daehwi doesn’t move nor does he turn around to look at Jinyoung.

It’s unfair. It’s just fucking unfair how Jinyoung can just make him want to believe him so easily. It’s unfair how Jinyoung can make him trust him like that all over again. Daehwi doesn’t want to believe anymore. He’s tired of being the hopeless romantic he used to be back when he was in highschool who constantly chased after him. He’s tired of being the boy who got his heart broken back in college because he trusted so much.

And he hates how he’s tired of all that but he’s never tired of loving Jinyoung.

But Daehwi doesn’t wanna go through that anymore. After this job, he’ll leave Jinyoung’s life again, and Jinyoung will leave his. Nothing comes after, and it hurts but it’s for the better. If it means having his heart intact, then it’s for the better.

His feet only starts moving towards the direction of the door when he hears Jinyoung’s car start and drive off. Daehwi only lets out a strangled sigh and a tear escape his eye when Jinyoung’s out of sight.

_You’ve always been a good liar._

“Hwi, you’re here!” he hears Seongwoo say the moment he steps inside. He sees a few other men that seem to be of Seongwoo’s age waiting by the couch as a tailor takes the measurements of one of them. Daehwi walks towards where Seongwoo sat.

“Hey, sorry I’m late. I just got off work,” Daehwi tells him as he sits next to him.

“Nah, it’s okay. We haven’t been here that long. It’s cool,” Seongwoo assures him. He opens up a sketchbook and hands it to Daehwi with a wide grin. “The suits are all gonna be in white. It’s gonna be a white-themed wedding since it’s December, and I want a winter wonderland of a wedding. The best winter wonderland wedding of them all because it’s gay.”

Seongwoo’s smile was contagious that Daehwi couldn’t help but smile along too. The way he was excited over his own wedding was too cute not to chuckle at. Daehwi knows Seongwoo had wanted to get married since two years ago, having shared his plans of wanting to retire from Broadway to settle in Seoul with Daniel and perhaps adopt a baby girl a year later, but Daniel still wasn’t ready then and Seongwoo respected that.

Daehwi remembers Daniel telling him back in his sophomore year—Daniel in his senior year then—of him not wanting to get married. Daniel had been scared of the idea of marriage after his parents’ divorce, the memories of how he used to camp in Daehwi’s room back in highschool whenever his parents had an argument. Daehwi never asked about the bruises in Daniel’s wrists nor why he shows up at his doorstep at two in the morning with only “folks fighting again” and his tear-strained face telling him that it was definitely not good.

Daehwi had thought Daniel had given up on the thought of romance and settling because of that, how Daniel used to be seen around with different people each and every day during high school. He remembers him saying then that he’ll stay unattached forever and that whoever, if ever that someone comes, that’ll make him change his mind must really be someone special, and then college happened and he met Seongwoo that Daniel started to change for the better.

Daehwi remembers how Daniel videocalled him at three in the morning telling him he might just be in love with a senior in a rival dance organization and how he couldn’t stop thinking about him, and then he remembers how Daniel had knocked on his door at three in the morning as well earlier this year to ask him how to propose to Seongwoo, remembers clearly how Daniel just broke down in front of him saying he really wants to be with Seongwoo forever, and that marriage is still scary for him but he thinks this time with Seongwoo would be different because it’s _Seongwoo_ and he loves him.

Daehwi finds it beautiful, how Daniel, his trust having been broken before, still finds it in himself to give all of his trust to Seongwoo even when he’s still scared. How Daniel believes in Seongwoo so much because he loves him.

_“I meant what I said.”_

Daehwi shakes his head, as he wills himself to think that his case is different. Seongwoo wasn’t the one who broke Daniel’s trust that made him scared of the idea of marriage. They’re different. It’s Jinyoung who broke his trust, and it’s Jinyoung who wants him to trust again.

_What kind of lunacy._

“I’m gonna have the grandest gay wedding of the century yet,” Seongwoo exclaims as he excitedly claps his hand together. “And you’re gonna be the bestest best man ever, Hwi.”

Daehwi blinks at him in startlement, “Me?”

“Of course!” Seongwoo grins as he holds both of Daehwi’s hands. “There’s no one else I could ask to be the best man other than you. It can only be you. You should’ve known it was going to be you.”

“I’m honored, hyung. Wow,” Daehwi tells him, still in awe. “I’ll be happy to be the best man.”

“And since I want this to be _that_ kind of gay wedding, you’re gonna have an escort too.”

Daehwi raises a brow, “Uh, aren’t I the one who’s gonna escort the maid of honor or something? I’m not sure how weddings work but yeah, isn’t it like that?”

“Boy, there is no room for heterosexual agenda in this wedding of mine,” Seongwoo clicks his tongue as he shakes his head. Daehwi just looks at him confused. “I won’t have a maid of honor. It’ll be _man_ of honor.”

“Is that even allowed?”

Seongwoo shrugs, “I don’t care. It’s my wedding. _And_ this man of honor is a cutie. Well, according to my mom. He’s my cousin but I’ve never met him.”

Daehwi is even more confused now. “Then, _why?_ ”

“If my mom thinks he’s cute, then he’s cute,” Seongwoo concludes. “And if you’re not gonna start working on your homosexual agenda, then it’s time to take matters into my own hands. You’ll never know, he might be _the one_.”

Daehwi stares at him in disbelief, “Oh my god, are you serious? Hyung!”

“ _What?_ Mom says he’s your age and is single. And gay. And rich as fuck. I see no problems with it.”

Daehwi just heaves a sigh, “I’m perfectly fine with not being committed in a relationship as of the moment. I have enough problems to deal with. I don’t need more.”

“But a _man_ in your life might help loosen that weight off your shoulders,” Seongwoo pouts. “He’s coming today. I’ll introduce you to him.”

“That’s not the point—“

“He’s here!”

“What—“ before Daehwi could even react, Seongwoo moves his face to the side,towards the direction of the door, and when Daehwi sees who Seongwoo had meant this entire time, he slaps his hand away and groans in exasperation.

There, headed towards their way, was no other than Lai Guanlin, and Daehwi really doesn’t wanna see anyone linked or even has the tiniest bit of connection with Bae Jinyoung. In Guanlin’s case, his relation to Jinyoung is massive-scale so he’s top one on the list along with Park Jihoon.

“I can’t believe you actually meant Guanlin this entire time.”

Seongwoo stares at him wide-eyed, “You know him?”

Daehwi sighs, “Same graduating class back in high school.”

“Oh, well, even better then.”

Guanlin reaches them and sends over a smile towards Seongwoo. “Seongwoo hyung, right? Uh, hello. Sorry for coming in so late. Thank you for inviting me to your wedding, by the way.”

“Oh no, it’s fine. It’s fine,” Seongwoo tells him as he stands up and leads Guanlin to sit where he had sat, “Here, have a seat. This is my best man, Lee Daehwi, by the way.”

Guanlin turns to Daehwi in startlement, “Oh, Daehwi. What a coincidence meeting you here.”

Daehwi tries to give him a smile. _Don’t be mean, he’s not Jinyoung._ “Hi, Lin. Yeah, who knew, huh?”

“Well, I’ll leave you two here for a while. I’ll go check on the other groomsmen,” Seongwoo tells them, unabashedly winks at Daehwi and Guanlin before walking towards the other men. Daehwi just sighs while Guanlin just looks at him in confusion.

“Don’t mind him. He wants to set me up with you,” Daehwi tells him. “Some shit about my lack of homosexual agenda in life. He doesn’t know you’re actually dating someone.”

Guanlin laughs. “I was surprised to have been invited honestly. My family’s close with his, but since hyung is always in New York, I never got the chance to meet him. But he’s right though, I’m not dating anyone,” he tells him with a small smile.

“Huh? You’re not dating Ji—“

And then Daehwi remembers the night of alumni night, when he was playing spin the bottle with Jihoon and the rest of his old schoolmates. He remembers when Donghan had asked him if Guanlin kisses him better than he does, and how Jihoon never answered and just drank the shot straight up. How Jihoon’s eyes looked angry just as they are sad.

It’s only then that Daehwi realizes that he really doesn’t know enough about them to be able to tell why he had looked like that then.

“Jihoon?” Guanlin finishes for him. “We’re not.”

“I’m sorry. I just really thought you were a thing since high school. You two were inseparable.”

“We still are,” Guanlin smiles at him. “And it’s okay, you’re not the first one. I think almost everybody in highschool thought we were dating. Even my family and Jihoon’s think so too, but we’re not.”

“Why not?” Daehwi asks before he could even stop himself. “Do you not like him?”

Guanlin doesn’t say anything for a while, the silence stretching too long that Daehwi thinks he might’ve offended him. Just as he’s about to say sorry, Guanlin speaks, “I do.”

It’s only two words but Daehwi feels the weight in them.

“But he’s still hung up on his ex,” he continues, and when Daehwi watches as Guanlin gives him a sad smile. “I think you know who it is.”

“I know he dated Donghan during sophomore year,” Daehwi answers. “I caught them making out once.”

“He says he doesn’t have feelings for him anymore, but I know he’s still hurting,” Guanlin takes a deep breath. “Jihoon’s family didn’t like Donghan even before they knew they were dating, so Jihoon had me as his cover-up boyfriend. That was the start of us being inseparable, that people thought we were dating before we even said anything. I never left Jihoon’s side since then.”

“And you’re still by Jihoon’s side even after they broke up,” Daehwi continues. “Why?”

“He’s my best friend,” comes Guanlin’s simple answer, but Daehwi knows he meant to say so much more than that. “What about you? Why does Seongwoo hyung think your homosexual agenda is a blank? Hasn’t Jinyoung made a move yet?”

Daehwi freezes at the mention of Jinyoung’s name. He does _not_ want to have this conversation right now.

“Why would he make a move?” Daehwi asks back. “We’re only seeing each other again after seven years because of our jobs. Nothing comes after that.”

Guanlin smiles at him sadly, “Jinyoung still blames himself, you know.”

Daehwi doesn’t say anything.

 “I know he was a real douchebag back then, but when he told you he liked you seven years ago, he meant it,” Guanlin continues. “He blames himself for having been such an asshole to you back in high school, even when he had liked you since then. He thinks he got what he deserved for what he’s done to you when you had left him.”

“But that’s not—“ Daehwi was about to say, but then he shakes his head and dismisses it.

_That’s not why I left._

Did Jinyoung never tell them? Did he never tell them how their fucking family feud led to him breaking Daehwi’s trust and how he had been building up walls of lies the whole time they were together before?

Daehwi did not spend seven years running away because Jinyoung was an asshole to him back in high school. He had gotten over that already. Daehwi left because Jinyoung lied.

He has always been so good in pretending.

Before Daehwi could ask Guanlin, Seongwoo calls him to have his suit measurements taken. Daehwi thinks it’s okay, because he doesn’t think he has the courage to ask him questions either.

 

_“Jinyoung hated you. Why would he suddenly start liking you if he has no hidden motive? Think about it, Hwi. Don’t be fooled just because you love him more than you should.”_

***

 

Jinyoung turns around when he finally, _finally_ , hears the loud thud of the door. He gets up from where he sat at the concrete staircase leading up to the entrance of their house, and sees his mother staring at him.

It’s still there. The same look of disappointment, and anger Jinyoung had seen the day he had moved out. The day he had told his family he was no longer going to be a prosecutor. It’s the same look when he tries to visit their house every now and then or when he tries to stop by his mother’s tteokbokki shop.

It’s always the same look that tells him he’s a complete failure.

Jinyoung smiles even when it hurts.

“You changed the password of the door without telling me? That’s not nice. How am I supposed to get in now—“ His mother doesn’t let him finish when she starts to walk past him. Jinyoung blocks her way. “Hey, I thought you said you’d call me. That’s what you said when I called you about my concert today,” he says as he lifts up his phone to her face for evidence.

His mother tries to go the opposite way, but Jinyoung quickly moves over to stop her. “ _I’m in a meeting, so I can’t pick up. I call you back right away._ You never called. You ignored my call and just sent that text.”

“The meeting’s not over yet, what are you going to do about it?”

“My concert’s today,” Jinyoung reminds her, as he lifts up three concert tickets for her to see. “These are the best seats at the stadium, so come with Dad and noona.”

His mother just stares at him with spite.

“Come on now, this is your last chance of seeing your son perform in the best spot,” Jinyoung smirks as he takes her hand and places the tickets on top of her palm.

Jinyoung’s mother looks at the them for a short moment, and Jinyoung almost hopes. Almost. She tears the tickets and throws them at the floor before walking away, but Jinyoung grabs her by the arm and stops her from going away any further.

“Mom—“

“Who are you calling _mom_?” She spits, anger evident in her eyes even with her tone remaining calm. It’s the calmness of her voice that sends shivers down Jinyoung’s spine. She scoffs as she shrugs off Jinyoung’s hold off of her arm. “Since when did you ever treat me as your mom? You dropped out of that school in your own volition even though you worked so hard to get in, and you became a celebrity even before telling me about it.”

“What’s wrong with being a celebrity?” Jinyoung asks. “It’s much better to be a celebrity than a prosecutor. You don’t know just how rich I am, don’t you? I own buildings, a house, three expensive cars and—“

“Oh really now? Must be nice to be so rich, huh?” his mother mocks. “You said that you’d become a prosecutor, and protect people like us who are poor and have no connections. Like your father.”

Jinyoung pauses. _Dad was never like that. He was never like that._

“And you acted so high and mighty saying you’d do it, but where are you now? Aren’t you ashamed of yourself?”

Jinyoung just gives him a sad smile, “I’m sorry I couldn’t be like dad. A guy like me shouldn’t be allowed to be a prosecutor. A disappointment like me shouldn’t have bothered trying to be one in the first place. It’s just wasn’t for me.”

“You bastard,” his mother spits. “You’ve been sick in the head ever since you met him. You dropped everything just for _him_ , but where the hell is he now? Are you with him now? Did he even appreciate everything you’ve done for him? What kind of idiocy?”

Jinyoung just laughs, but it’s flat and forced and lacks all the emotion. “At any rate, I’ll leave those seats open for you guys. Come over if you change your mind,” he smiles at her and gives her a pat in the shoulder before walking past her and heading towards his parked car.

“I’m not going,” his mom answers. “You can wait until you die. I’m not going.”

“You sure know how to use your words well, mom,” Jinyoung laughs as he gets inside his car and starts the engine. “I almost cried.”

But just as he’s about to drive off, he receives a text from an unknown number.

_“Don’t just come into my office building uninvited and cause unnecessary drama. Don’t drag my Daehwi into your stupid whims. Do not hurt him.”_

 

He doesn’t need to think twice to know who the text message was from.

Jinyoung scoffs as he throws his phone at the backseat and drives off, “My Daehwi, your ass. You’re not even his boyfriend.”

 

***

 

People have already started crowding outside the concert venue by the time Daehwi reaches the place. The area is swarming with banners with Jinyoung’s face on them, and teenage girls screaming his name that Daehwi starts getting dizzy, and he thinks if he hears one more ‘Jinyoung oppa’, he’s gonna hurl at the nearest trashbin.

It’s not like this is the first time he’s been to a concert. Woojin had taken him to one before, recently too. It’s just that it’s _Jinyoung’s_ concert that he’s in at the moment. He’s surrounded with Jinyoung’s fans, the tarpaulins with his face, and the million voices screeching his name.

 Because it’s Jinyoung, that’s why it’s different.

Daehwi takes his camera out of his bag, and switches it on. He starts to film the happening outside the concert venue for the shoot, the long line by the entrance and the little booths set up to distribute fan goods.

“This is Bae Jinyoung’s impact.” _And this is the reminder that he’s out of reach now._

Holding the video camera up, Daehwi starts walking towards the entrance of the venue slowly.

_“Welcome to the concert! If you have your tickets, please come to the front.”_

This is Jinyoung’s annual end-of-the-year concert. As much as Daehwi has been avoiding him, Bae Jinyoung is always talk of the town. He’s a renowned Hallyu star, of course it’ll be hard to avoid hearing his names in television shows or in conversations by women of all ages as they go talk about him over tea or coffee. He knows about his concert this day every year, that’s why he avoids going to this parts of Seoul the most at this time.

Lee Daehwi of last year wouldn’t have thought he’d go to this year’s concert. Lee Daehwi of last year wouldn’t have thought he’d meet Jinyoung again face to face and not just on screen.

Lee Daehwi of last year wouldn’t have thought he’d start feeling for Jinyoung again before this year ends. He never would’ve thought.

The concert hall is wide and spacious, the seats slowly being filled to capacity. Daehwi takes his place below the stage, right where the other cameramen were at, as well as the ones in charge of stage lighting. From behind him, he can hear the loud chanting of Jinyoung’s name. Like a mantra, like a prayer.

Daehwi takes a deep breath, and closes his eyes. His heart is beating too much, and his lungs feel like they’re not letting him breathe enough, but he reminds himself that once the month ends, he’ll be out of Jinyoung’s life, and Jinyoung will be out of his.

He just needs to hold on a bit longer, and then it’ll be over. Everything will go back to the way they used to be before he stumbled upon him again after seven long years.

Daehwi reminds himself that this is all temporary, and that he’ll be fine.

And then the lights go out.

The crowd starts to scream, as Daehwi hears the sound of the bass guitar echo throughout the arena, followed by a staccato of drum beats that might as well be the beating of his heart at this very moment. The intro continues to play—there’s cymbals now, and a piano, and more guitar music; it’s rock music with a pinch of EDM that’s loud enough for Daehwi to no longer hear his thoughts— as the stage lights up slowly, smoke spreading throughout the stage as the lights above the stage turn on one by one until Daehwi finally sees him.

Jinyoung looks like a star.

The arena seems like an inky evening sky, and Jinyoung is the sole star that illuminates the night. He’s alone, but he fits, like he belongs there. Like he was made to be there. Like he was born to be standing on that very stage.

The other lights go off, the only one remaining up is the limelight directed at him. Daehwi holds on to his camera tight.

Jinyoung looks goddamn beautiful, like he had always been. His hair is styled up, the patch of forehead revealed making him look more ethereal than usual. The leather jacket hugging his upper torso fits him just right, and the glasses he has on adds more to his look tonight. There’s a mic stand in front of him, and as he makes one smooth strum on the strings of the electric guitar he’s holding, the crowd goes wild once more.

_“Forever Bae Jinyoung! Forever Bae Jinyoung! We love you Bae Jinyoung!”_

Daehwi watches as the corners of Jinyoung’s lips go up, as he leans closer to the mic and the music starts, and then Jinyoung begins to sing.

And Daehwi begins feel even more unsteady. His grip on the video camera goes even tighter.

 _“Another day has passed as if nothing happened,”_ Jinyoung sings, as he hold onto the mic tightly. _“I keep saying ‘it’s okay, it’s okay’ to try to console myself.”_

Daehwi had always loved Jinyoung’s voice, ever since then.

He knows Jinyoung doesn’t like singing in public before. He’d only ever catch him sing snippets while he works at the mansion, simply humming a few verses while he mows at his grandma’s lawn or when he tries to lull his brother to sleep, but even so, Daehwi had loved every moment of it.

Jinyoung’s voice always had the power to pull, and Daehwi feels like he’s slowly drowning.

_“But I’m not okay.”_

The crowd cheers as they sing along to every word. Daehwi tries to focus on filming Jinyoung from the distance, but his hands are slowly beginning to shake, and everything just feels too much.

 _“After the day that I sent you away, my heart felt completely empty.”_ And hollow, and broken, and sad, and lonely. _“But I can’t seem to fill this void with someone who’s not you.”_

Daehwi closes his eyes for a moment, before opening them in time to see Jinyoung smirk into his mic, and the crowd sings along even louder as the chorus begins.

 _“The look in your eyes, the feel of your touch,”_ Jinyoung continues to sing as he strums his guitar. _“ stays with me, like a wind that isn’t moving. The picture in my head is you…”_

Daehwi thinks he’s hallucinating it, but Jinyoung turns to his side of the audience, and doesn’t move for a while until he finished the verse. For a moment, Daehwi almost thinks it’s for him. For a moment, he almost thinks Jinyoung wrote this song for him, now that Jinyoung smiles at his direction as he sings.

_“And now I don’t have a place to return to.”_

And then Jinyoung turns his head back to the crowd as he continues.

_“I can’t see anything…Miss you, love you…”_

Daehwi turns his head to look at the audience that are now cheering Jinyoung’s name till their voices go hoarse, waving their lightsticks in the air creating an ocean that looks like a blanket of blue fireflies, and then he shifts his gaze back to the man singing his heart out at center stage and suddenly the voices inside the loud arena begins to drown.

Like he’s been tossed into the deepest part of the ocean. Like he’s drowning.

_“But I have to love you…”_

And then he remembers what Woojin had told him then. That this could be the universe’s way of telling them this might be their second chance of making it work. That maybe this time it could actually work out for the two of them.

That the stars above had separated them before, hurt and broke them, only to let them meet once more to mend and heal.

“Don’t even dream about it,” Daehwi whispers to himself as Jinyoung starts singing the last chorus of his song. “Don’t ever start hoping again. You’ve had enough, Daehwi. You’ve had enough. You don’t need to hurt yourself again.”

He puts down the video camera to take a deep breath and chug down his bottle of water, before standing up to start filming again. “You don’t need to hurt yourself again.”

The first part of the concert ends smoothly, as Jinyoung heads towards the backstage. Just when Daehwi thinks he can finally breathe, Euiwoong comes over to him and grabs him by the arm, telling him he still needs to shoot Jinyoung backstage.

Daehwi sighs. The night is going to be a long one.

 

***

 

“He’s here! He’s here!” Jihoon fusses as Jinyoung steps inside the dressing room, the former trying to wipe off the sweat in his forehead. “Good job. That was an amazing. The audience response was great.”

Jinyoung just nods as Guanlin immediately takes his jacket off of him while he slumps right into his seat facing the vanity mirror.

“Hey, get him some water,” he hears Jihoon bark at someone that Jinyoung couldn’t really care less ‘cause he was dead beat. A staff places a bottle of water in front of him and he immediately takes it and drinks it all up, as the stylist quickly does his hair while the makeup artist retouches his makeup.

The staff in the dressing room are in a rush as they ready his next outfit, and the other things he needs for the next performance. Jinyoung takes a glance at his reflection at the mirror and sighs.

“You’ll sing your last song after the guest performance,” Jihoon reminds beside him, “So keep your energy up for just a bit longer, okay? Alright?” he says, voice a tad louder as he lifts his hand up for a high-five but Jinyoung just picks up his bottled water and drinks up some more. Guanlin laughs, as Jihoon retracts his hand with a pout.

Right as he puts down the bottle, Jinyoung sees Daehwi approaching him from his peripheral, the sudden appearance almost making him choke on the water that was still in his mouth. He turns around slowly, the video camera directly facing him.

Daehwi’s wearing the exact same clothes he had seen him in this afternoon—a checkered button-up as oversized as all the other clothes Jinyoung has seen him in—hair slightly disheveled due to the humidity of the concert hall, but he looks as good as he had always been. As good as he had seen him this afternoon. As good as he was seven years ago. As good as he was the first time they met.

He watches as Daehwi tries to keep his hold on the camera steady, the rise and fall of his shoulders clear and evident as his hands that doesn’t seem like they’ll stop shaking some time soon.

“It’s been a while since your last concert, right?” Daehwi asks him, his tone as broadcast-ish like any other news reporter.

“Yes.”

“Can you share your thoughts about it with us?” His tone is welcoming, yet fake, a tone he never uses when he talks to Jinyoung, and it’s bothering because he doesn’t want him to talk like that to him.

Jinyoung wants him to talk to him casually instead. He wants him to put down the video camera and just _talk_ to him without thinking about his job or the media or anybody else but him.

“Who’s Park Woojin to you?” Jinyoung shoots back instead, eyes not leaving the lens of Daehwi’s camera.

The room goes silent, Daehwi visibly flinching. The quietness of the dressing room makes it look like time froze and the air has gone heavy like they’re all in a standstill.

“What?”

“Park Woojin. Andromeda’s CEO,” Jinyoung continues. “The one who seems to stay in your apartment a lot. The one who you cook food for. The one who calls you often and picks you up all the time. The one you have saved as _‘my lovely Woojinie’_ on your phone contacts. Who’s Park Woojin to you?”

Jinyoung feels Jihoon’s hand pinching his shoulder, but he doesn’t make any reaction to the pain bearing onto his skin. He continues to stare at Daehwi as his expression drops into a raise of an eyebrow and a loud scoff.

“Is he your boyfriend?” Jinyoung continues to ask.

 _“Change the subject!”_ comes Jihoon’s loud whisper to which Jinyoung just rolls his eyes to.

Daehwi sighs as he steadies the camera towards Jinyoung’s direction again, “On my way into the concert hall, I saw some fans who came across the world to see you. Can you say hello to them—“

“He’s your boyfriend, right?” Jinyoung cuts him off.

Daehwi grits his teeth, before trying to plaster another attempt of a smile on his face, “What did you eat today? What do you usually eat on days that you have concerts—“

“How long have you been dating him?”

“Jinyoung,” Jihoon warns him with a stern voice but his stare on Daehwi does not waver.

“What do you usually do when your concerts are over? What are you—”

“Can he sing? I know he’s a good dancer, but can he sing as good as I can?” Jinyoung smirks. “What about his looks? He’s muscly, toned, I’ll give him that. Are you into that? Don’t I look better than your boyfriend—”

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Daehwi cuts him, tone raised in annoyance.

Jinyoung doesn’t say anything for a moment, neither does anybody else in the room with them. His eyes are still only on Daehwi, who was now glaring at him in exasperation. It isn’t until the stage producer calls him for his final stage that he gets up from his seat, and taps Daehwi at the shoulder before going out of the dressing room.

“Good to know.”

And it isn’t until he’s finally backstage, now changed into a black suit and tie, and about to go perform the latest song he has written and composed that he lets his mouth ease as the corners of his mouth go up into a wide grin.

“Okay, get ready in five—oh, wow. You look happy. What gives?” the stage producer asks him, startled at the smile radiating on his face.

Jinyoung just shakes his head as he sees the signal blink and the lift that’ll take him back to center stage goes up.

The sea of people—his fans who had come to see him—immediately cheering as the light beams at him. The chants grow louder and louder as the music begins to play, loud enough that he could barely hear the song in his in-ear.

But Jinyoung is happy, and contented, and his heart feels full.

And the final song plays, as Jinyoung readies his heart, leaning on to the mic while he begins to sing.

 _“Do you know what I want to say? I won’t tell you too quickly,”_ he smirks into the mic. _“Do you remember the feelings that we had?”_

He closes his eyes as he tries to feel the melody of the song slowly being swallowed by the voices around him chanting his name, and when he opens his eyes, he’s looking at him.

And Daehwi’s looking at him too.

_“I didn’t know, and I’m sure you didn’t know either.”_

Then, the lights at the center go off, only a small tint of purple illuminating Jinyoung from behind as he continues to sing, _“I don’t remember when it began exactly.”_

Amidst the darkness, he feels the soft texture of the object being handed to him by one of the directors while he doesn’t stop singing. He smiles into the mic as the lights slowly go back up again, and there, projected on the center screen is what caused the collective gasp coming from the audience.

Jinyoung sees Daehwi’s eyes moving at the words written on the screen.

_The person I love is here today._

Jinyoung steps out from the darkness and moves towards the limelight at the center, a giant teddy bear on hand, _“If it’s not too late now, there’s something I’d like to tell you.”_

 

Daehwi tries _not_ to think too much about it. The song, the words highlighted on the monitor. He tries not to put any meaning in them as he holds his video camera close to him, trying to steady his hold on it as well as the rampant beating of his heart against his chest.

“He means his fans,” he whispers to himself.

Then, the words on the screen morphs into new ones, and Daehwi just feels lightheaded and dizzy and his heart just feels like dropping.

_That’s why I’m trying to muster my courage to tell you today._

And the curtain falls, while the beat drops for the chorus.

 _“I like you. I love you,”_ Jinyoung sings, and Daehwi just feels like being drowned by the voices around him, Jinyoung’s voice, and his own emotions even more. _“Don’t hesitate anymore. If you feel the same way as I do…”_

Daehwi’s heart grows even heavier as he zooms in the camera on the white teddy bear Jinyoung is holding.

_“Give me your hand…”_

He takes a deep breath, and then another, his hands shaking and his lungs closing in on him when he sees Jinyoung glance his way, the zoom-in on his face telling him he’s really not dreaming this time

_“The moment you hold my hand, and look at me…”_

Then Jinyoung’s no longer singing and it’s only his prerecorded voice that echoes inside the stadium. Daehwi’s grip on his video camera tightens as he watches Jinyoung walk closer and closer towards his direction, every step Jinyoung takes making it harder and harder for him to keep his emotions intact.

_“We’ll be together forever.”_

And then Jinyoung’s in front of him, looking at him, staring at him and he’s holding his hand. He takes the camera off of Daehwi’s hold and gives it to the stage director standing beside them. The audience’s gasps grows louder as Jinyoung pulls him by the hand.

Up the stage. Towards the center. Jinyoung’s hand is on his as the lift carries them up even higher, his eyes are on his and when Daehwi felt like he was drowning a few minutes ago, he now feels like he’s already ocean deep.

Jinyoung smiles at him. It’s bright and beautiful, like how Daehwi likes it, like the smile he had fallen in love with but that was a different Daehwi. That was the Daehwi who wasn’t scared, the Daehwi who hadn’t had his trust broken yet, the Daehwi who wasn’t scared of hoping, of falling without any assurance of anyone catching him.

The Daehwi that he is now is different. This Daehwi is shaking, as he looks at Jinyoung with eyes that are unsure and scared and everything else all at the same time.

 _“I like you,”_ Jinyoung continues to sing, holding Daehwi’s hand even tighter. He hands the teddy bear to him with a smile, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. Like Jinyoung knows what he’s feeling. _“I love you.”_

It echoes, not only inside the stadium. It echoes in his ears. It echoes in his heart.

Over and over and over until he’s drowning too deep he could no longer resurface back on shore.

Daehwi just wants it all to be over.

 

***

 

“Happy birthday.”

Daehwi stares at the ginormous white teddy bear in Jinyoung’s hands, there’s a purple ribbon tied by its neck, and he catches the medallion in the middle of it, his name written in cursive over Hangul. Glancing up, he sees the bright smile on Jinyoung’s face.

“And happy 100th day anniversary,” he continues with a wink. “I love you.”

“We’re not dating, Bae Jinyoung,” Daehwi glares as him as he pushes past him out of the university grounds. He had retrieved his enrolment, but he still goes there for his part-time job as one of the professor’s assistants.

He feels the all eyes of the students in the vicinity on them, as Jinyoung continuously shouts his name as he runs after him, and all Daehwi wants to do now is go hide behind a rock or for the earth to just swallow him whole.

Jinyoung, with his long legs, easily catches up to him, blocking his way with his arms spread wide. “What do you mean we’re not dating. I don’t remember you breaking up with me when I told Jiwon we were dating.”

Daehwi scoffs, “Are you really going to be like this? Move.”

“Not until you accept my gift,” Jinyoung tells him with a grin. “And I need a selca with you too as proof.”

“No,” Daehwi spits, but Jinyoung quickly stops him when he’s about to walk past him again. “Jesus Christ, Bae Jinyoung. I said move—“

“He said no, and that means no,” he hears someone say behind them. Daehwi turns around and sees Woojin walking towards them. He takes Daehwi’s hand in his and pulls him towards him protectively. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Daehwi assures him.”

“Good,” Woojin nods his head as he turns his gaze back on Jinyoung who was now glaring at him. “Your little act is getting unnecessary attention. Don’t drag my Daehwi into your stupid whims.” He turns to Daehwi. “Let’s go?”

Daehwi simply nods. Woojin pulls him by the hand as they walk past Jinyoung, but stop in their tracks when they hear Jinyoung scoff and speak.

 _“My Daehwi?”_ Jinyoung asks in disbelief. “What? Are you his boyfriend?”

Woojin turns to him fully, eyes shooting daggers like nothing Daehwi has ever seen before. “So what if I am?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> scream at me on twt: @jinhwi_twt


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